Sunny Acres Retirement Facility
by Faramir Fancier
Summary: Well, all the stars live in an apartment complex! Includes twisted love, drunken hobbits, parties, another twisted love, and some more funny stuff! Promises to be good and entertaining! Read and review!
1. Chapter One

A/N: Hello! Welcome to a NEW fanfic by me, A Darker Side of Light! Well, here you have it. I have given up on writing serious stories, except for one, and will proceed to tell you the account of this story, which would be titled, "The Lord of the Rings Stars Live in an Apartment", but that gives it away. It's like a SOAP OPERA! WOW! So, on with the show!!

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Disclaimer: I have a confession to make, ok? I don't own Lord of the Rings!! I DON'T!! STOP FOLLOWING ME, EVIL LAWYERS!

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_**Chapter One: When Love is Blind and Totally Oblivious to What Should Happen**_  
  
"Hello! Welcome to Sunny Acres Retirement Facility! These apartments are fully loaded with amenities, and our caring staff is always ready to make sure your life in retirement is fun. Our newest building, Mordor Towers, is reserved only for those who have been in or are linked to the Quest to Destroy Evil. Now, our landlord, Grima Womtongue, is going to say a few words." Says our bright and sunny announcer, named Paul.  
  
"What did I tell you, Fred? Don't be so happy. Wait. What's that? This thing is on? Cripes! Oh. Hello, Free Peoples! We've heard that you want reality TV, so my apartment complex retirement facility has agreed to let you film to show the Free Peoples what reality TV really is! I mean, the Simple Life? Sure, those two are good looking, but come on! We party all night and sleep all day. We don't care what anyone says about us. We rock. Go us." Grima says, ending in a flat monotone.  
  
"Thanks, Grima!" Says Paul; oblivious to the fact that Grima called him Fred. "Let's start this Reality TV Soap Opera!"  
  
**In Room 28, Floor 3...  
**  
"AIIII!!!" Screams Galadriel. Her hair is in curlers and she is wearing a pink fuzzy bathrobe.  
  
"What is it, my dear?" Celeborn asks, running in. He is wearing a blue bathrobe.  
  
"THIS!" Galadriel screams, throwing a magazine at Celeborn entitled, 'Elf Chicks All Wet'.  
  
"GASP! HALDIR!!!" Yells Celeborn.  
  
Haldir runs in from Room 29, across the Hall. He is wearing faded jeans and a white tee shirt that says, 'I'm dead. So what?' but he is really happy because he has been reincarnated!  
  
"You rang?" Asks Haldir in a bored voice.  
  
"What the devil do you mean by it?" Asks Celeborn, his face going a violent shade of red.  
  
"By what? My lord." Haldir says, adding the 'my lord' hastily.  
  
"This!" The magazine gets tossed to Haldir.  
  
"GASP! LEGOLAS!!!" Haldir screams, as Legolas runs in from Room 36. He is wearing jeans and a red shirt that says, 'Juicy'.  
  
"Yeees?" Legolas asks, straightening his hair.  
  
"What's this, eh?" Haldir says, as the magazine gets tossed to Legolas.  
  
"GASP!! ARAGORN!!" Legolas yells, as Aragorn runs in from Room 2 on Floor 2. Weird. He is wearing a black shirt that says, 'Bite me' and jeans.  
  
"Did someone call?" he asks, looking around at the Elves. All with blonde hair, mind you.  
  
"What's this, huh?" Legolas asks, showing Aragorn the magazine.  
  
"No! That's Gimli's!" Aragorn yells, as everyone does a double take.  
  
"Wha..what?" Celeborn asks, reeling back.  
  
"Wasn't Arwen a model for that magazine?" Asks Haldir.  
  
"Haldir, shut up." Celeborn says, overcoming his shock.  
  
"Yes, my lord. Sorry, my lord." Haldir says, very monotonously.  
  
"Look what you've done, the lot of you! You've put my darling into trauma!" Celeborn says.  
  
Galadriel has been sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth and muttering. She has been crying and hyperventilating.  
  
"Tell him!" she says, looking at Haldir.  
  
"Tell me what?" Celeborn asks.  
  
"Uh..." says Haldir, going pale.  
  
"Well, this is just twisted." Aragorn says, sitting down on a couch and taking off his shoes. Everyone nearly faints. A green vapor emits from his shoes. He puts them back on, and everyone breathes again.  
  
"Good point." Says Legolas, also going to sit on the couch.  
  
"The Lady Galadriel and I..." starts Haldir.  
  
"Yes, yes?"  
  
"Are.... We're in love." Haldir mumbles.  
  
"WHAT???" Celeborn screams and faints.  
  
"Oh, Haldir, we don't have to pretend anymore!" Galadriel says, looking very happy indeed.  
  
"What a relief." Says Haldir.  
  
"Oh, Haldir, I love you!" Says Galadriel, running into Haldir's arms.  
  
"And my love for you is deeper than the sea!" Haldir says.  
  
"Sea? That reminds me of something..." Legolas says.  
  
"Oh, no. There's no use now. You leased the apartment, you have to stay in it." Aragorn says, taking Legolas and the fainted Celeborn down to the pub downstairs.  
  
"What did Celeborn think? What will he think?" Galadriel says.  
  
"Don't worry, my love. We'll see through this." Haldir says, as they hug. Aww. Not.  
  
**Meanwhile, in Room 24 on floor 5...**  
  
"I'M SICK OF YOU!"  
  
"AND I'M SICK OF YOU!!" Scream Boromir and Eowyn, yelling from across the room at each other. Eowyn has a football jersey and shorts on, and Boromir is wearing a shirt that says, 'Who do you think you are?' and has basketball shorts on. He is happy to be alive.  
  
"Leave me out, please leave me out.." Faramir mutters, hiding in a corner behind a couch. His shirt says, 'Got Cheese?' like in the 'Got Milk?' way.  
  
"You're rude and manipulating!"  
  
"You're obnoxious and mean!"  
  
"You're evil and malicious!"  
  
"You're sarcastic and cynical!"  
  
"Leave me out of this, leave me out of this.."  
  
"LITTLE BROTHER! Why aren't you sticking up for me?" Boromir yells.  
  
"BOYFRIEND! Why aren't you sticking up for me?" Eowyn yells.  
  
"You're so immature! Go haunt a house!"  
  
"What?" ask Boromir and Eowyn.  
  
"Go fall in a ditch! Go pop out of a toaster!" Faramir yells.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You always fight! I'm sick of it!" Faramir says, walking out and slamming the door.  
  
"Is he right? No, wait. I'm right! I always am!" Boromir says, stopping to think.  
  
"I have a confession to make." Eowyn says.  
  
"What? If you're gonna tell me that I'm right and you're wrong, I already know." Boromir says, looking pleased with himself.  
  
"No, that's not it." Eowyn says.  
  
"Bugger."  
  
"What I mean to say is: Faramir, he's so young and immature. Frankly, he scares me. He's a little loopy if you know what I mean." Eowyn says.  
  
"He's been that way forever." Says Boromir.  
  
"So, he's a little too young." Eowyn states.  
  
"Where is this going?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Don't you understand?" Eowyn asks, her eyes looking all glowy.  
  
"In all honesty? No." Boromir says.  
  
"ARGH! You men are all the same! First it was Aragorn, then Faramir...." Eowyn screams.  
  
"What were you going to say, before you started to blame us men for everything?" Boromir asks.  
  
"I LOVE YOU, BOROMIR!!!" Eowyn says.

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A/N: Well, that's the first part of the Rather Twisted Plot of Sunny Acres. Hmm..interesting. Check back for a new chapter soon! 


	2. Chapter Two, But You Knew That Already

A/N: Welcome back. Now that we've seen how twisted my story plots can be, let's continue! Yay! All aboard for fun and wackiness!!

To clarify, my good friend Breck, these people have chosen early retirement. And erm, to whomever you called...well, you know, the Celeborn thing..erm, sure. And watch it when you bad talk my Faramir. Yes, you fools out there, MY FARAMIR!!!

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**_Chapter Two: Of Jenny Craig and Drunken Hobbits_**

"Hello! Welcome back! If you remember, everyone lives in a big apartment complex and two people love the wrong person. Grima has a few words, though. Grima?" Paul says, looking all cheerful and happy.  
  
"What did I tell you? Don't be happy. Go fall in a hole. What? Oh, yeah. Well, I have an announcement. To Sane Sanitarians, we are NOT roach infested! Got it, you punks?? Good. Ok. Whoo-hoo." Grima says emotionlessly.  
  
"Thanks, Grima! Now, we'll see what our Hobbit Friends are doing! On with the soap opera!" Paul says cheerfully.  
  
**In Room 27, Floor 7...  
**  
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF???" Frodo screams. He is wearing a shirt that says, 'I hate Rings' and jeans.  
  
"We isss sssorry, massster." Gollum says, coming in, wearing what he always does.  
  
"No. You always leave your stuff lying around! You leave your half eaten fish on the carpet and I have to pick them up! It's wrong!" Frodo yells.  
  
"Sssorry, good, kind massster. Nice hobbitsssesss. Preciousss massster." Gollum says, hugging Frodo's knees.  
  
"Uh, eew. No." Frodo says, jumping on top of a chair.  
  
"Where isss the fat one, massster?" Gollum asks.  
  
"He went to Jenny Craig. He left for there from Weight Watchers."  
  
"Jenny Craig? Yesss, we knowsss Jenny Craig. Ssshe dated usss once. Ssstood usss up, too. Evil Jenny Craig that ssstood up and ditched poor Smeagol." Gollum says.  
  
"Uh...?"  
  
"Weight Watchersss, my love? Yesss, fat one needsss it. He needsss a workout." Gollum hisses.  
  
"I'll say."  
  
"Good Smeagol will picksss up hisss messsesss. Yesss, kind massster." Gollum says, walking over to a pile of fish.  
  
"Nasssty Rangersss hurtsss usss!" Gollum says.  
  
"What?"  
  
Just then, Faramir walks in.  
  
"CRUEL LEADERSSS OF EVIL RANGERSSS!!" Gollum screams, trying to attack Faramir.  
  
"Aii! The freaky one!" Faramir says, jumping on a chair.  
  
"Sit, Smeagol. I said SIT! No fish if you don't!" Frodo says.  
  
"Alright, KIND massster." Gollum says, sitting on the floor and munching on raw fish.  
  
"Carry a grudge, why don't you?" Faramir asks sarcastically.  
  
"We isss doing that, preciousss, my love." Gollum hisses at Faramir.  
  
"That was sarcasm. And eew, to that other thing you said, just eew." Faramir says.  
  
"What can I do for you, Faramir?" Frodo asks.  
  
"Got any whipped cream?"  
  
"Sure!" Frodo walks off to get the whipped cream.  
  
"How's your life?" Faramir asks, still standing on his chair.  
  
"Dismal, once again." Frodo says, rummaging through the fridge.  
  
"Mine is the life from hell." Faramir says, his voice cracking.  
  
"Aww, don't worry!" Frodo says, returning with the whipped cream.  
  
"Thanks, Frodo. See you at the party!" Faramir says, giving Gollum the Look of Death and walking out.  
  
**Meanwhile, in Room 33, Floor 7...**  
  
"Merry!!!" Pippin screams, tossing an empty beer bottle at the wall. He is wearing a shirt that says, "Ernil I Pheriannath" and black jeans.  
  
"Wha, Pip?" Merry asks, swaying slightly. He has a shirt on that says "Esquire and Proud" and jeans.  
  
"Are you drunk?" Pip asks, showing a small bag full of empty bottles to Merry.  
  
"Why,_ /hic/_ yes, I am! _/hic, hic/_" Merry says, looking drunk and swaying.  
  
"Merry, perhaps you should go lay down." Pip says, steering Merry to a couch.  
  
"Why, thank _/hic/_ ye, _/hic/_ Pip!_ /hic/_" Merry says, collapsing onto the couch and falling asleep.

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A/N: Well, this chapter brought to you in part by The Sunny Acres Poker Club, helping you to gamble. Because I have little to do in this wonderful summer, a new chapter will be up soon!! Yay! Constant upgrades! Next, we'll see what happens to Eowyn, and what happens when Theoden gets reincarnated? Stay tuned! 


	3. Chapter Three: Just a Reminder

A/N: Welcome back! Yay! We are so happy you came! It's so wonderful to have my lovely reviewers who review my stories! Aww, how nice! Free string cheese to all! (Hands out String Cheese) Ah, that's better. Well, now we'll find out what's going on with our favorite couple! I guess...or not....

Much thanks and french fries to:  
PopcornLeader: That joke is funny, but at first I thought it was nasty, but then I remembered that you are like me a Pip fangirl and would never make a pervy joke. And although Fari is 'fwee', remember that I get first dibs, but am always happy to give you Pip in a Kilt like a true Scotsman.

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**_Chapter Three: Dates, Life, and Wizards_**  
  
"Hi ho, everyone! Once again, we're back! If you remember, good for you. If not, go reread the previous chapters. Once again, our landlord Grima has a few words." Paul says.  
  
"What did I tell you, Fred? Don't be so happy! If you continue this happy lifestyle, I'll shoot you. Oh, great. You all heard that, huh? Well. There's a party tonight! Everyone WHO LIVES HERE is invited to come. Yep. So enjoy and go. And don't be happy." Grima says, looking at the camera.  
  
"On with the show!" Paul says, despite Grima's warning.  
  
**In Room 19, Floor 6...**  
  
"DAAAAAD!" Boromir yells, running up the stairs and to his apartment door.  
  
"Yes, beloved firstborn?" Denethor asks, poking his head out the door. He steps into the hall, as we see his shirt. It says 'Pyres are the Best!' and black jeans.  
  
"Get a load of this." Boromir says, as Denethor sees Eowyn behind Boromir.  
  
"Your eyes are like beautiful clouds! Your hair is like a forest in autumn! You arms are like.." Eowyn says.  
  
"Argh! Back!" Boromir says, doing the little self-defense thing with his arms.  
  
"Every inch I am separated from you is an inch of my heart destroyed." Eowyn says, tears coming to her eyes.  
  
"See, dad? Make her stop!" Boromir says, looking from Eowyn to his father.  
  
"Why? She obviously wants to date you. What a cute couple!" Denethor says, looking at Eowyn.  
  
"But she was FARAMIR'S girlfriend! That's sad!" Boromir says.  
  
"She wants to date you!"  
  
"That's too much for me to, ah, handle right now. The responsibilities..."  
  
"Are something you're ready for."  
  
"No. They..."  
  
"Oh, just do it!"  
  
"NOOO!"  
  
"YEES!"  
  
"Your face is as lovely as a rose! Every moment you deny your feelings towards me is a moment my love for you deepens!" Eowyn says, grabbing Boromir's hand.  
  
"Let go of me!" Boromir says, wrenching his hand out of her grasp. She looks sad, then continues to rattle on her comments about his beauty and handsomeness.  
  
"Just date her already!"  
  
"NOOO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"You are love in human form.." Eowyn interjects.  
  
"DO IT!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"FINE! But only because I'm NOBLE and SELF-SACRIFICING! And because I am the COOLEST man EVER!" Boromir screams.  
  
"Good! Well done, my son!"  
  
"Gah."  
  
"Now, take her to the party tonight as your date!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
**In Room 55, Floor 6...**  
  
"Hey, uncle!" Eomer says. He is wearing a shirt that says 'I fought in the Battle of the Pelennor and All I got was this Shirt" and jeans.  
  
"Hey, sister-son! How's life?" asks Theoden, wearing and 'I'm Lovin' It: LIFE!' shirt and shorts.  
  
"It's ok." Eomer says, kind of emotionlessly.  
  
"Hey! I'm glad to be alive! It's a great day to be alive!" Theoden says, skipping around.  
  
"Yep. It sure is."  
  
"So, what's going on? I love life!"  
  
"There's a party tonight." Eomer says, looking at his schedule.  
  
"Let's go! Life rules!"  
  
"Ok!"  
  
"What should I wear? I want to look alive!"  
  
"Erm, king stuff?"  
  
"I guess that'll do. Life, life, life!"  
  
"Enough with the life already!"  
  
"Alright, sister-son! D'you like life?"  
  
"Grrrrr!"  
  
"Ok. We'll go. I'm gonna look alive!"  
  
"Argh."  
  
**Meanwhile, in Room 90 on Floor 9...**  
  
"BACK! I am the WHITE!" Gandalf says, brandishing his white staff. He is wearing a white shirt that says, 'Da Bomb' and black jeans.  
  
"Oh, yeah, tough guy? Well, I am the MULTICOLORED!" Sauruman says. He is wearing a tie-dye shirt and black jeans.  
  
"Wait. Multicolored as in Technicolor?" Gandalf asks, amazed.  
  
"You betcha."  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"Why are we living together? Is this the bachelor pad?"  
  
"Two old guys living together..."  
  
"Yep. The Bachelor Pad, Season 1."  
  
"Why are you in this fic?"  
  
"Because the authoress...."  
  
"**AHEM!"** says a voice from on high.  
  
"I mean, the GREAT and POWERFUL authoress decided to put me in."  
  
"Yeah, right."  
  
"Yeah, shut up!"  
  
"**Urgh**." Says the authoress, who is great and powerful, and walks away from her computer to rant at the old guys.  
  
"Yeah, get out of here!" Gandalf says.  
  
"I...I hate you! You always reject me! Even in Lil' Wiz Kidz, you never let me be on your dodgeball team! I was always picked last! You thought you were so cool because you had a big floppy hat. Well, you aren't! You are mean, spiteful, surly and wicked! Why do you always reject me?" Sauruman says, tears welling up in his eyes.  
  
"Well, you are the evil one, number 1, and, number two, you were mean to me first!"  
  
"WERE NOT!"  
  
"WERE TOO!"  
  
"WERE NOT!"  
  
"WERE TOO!"  
  
And everybody decided to walk away from the computer screen, so after a slight modification, the authoress decided to carry on with the story and the plot.  
  
"You were evil, Sauruman."  
  
"So? Show a little love! Peace! Love! Peace! Happiness! And the pursuit of Liberty and/or Crab!" Sauruman says.  
  
"Crab?"  
  
"Hey, I ate at Joe's Crab Shack."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"We gotta let love rule! Love is all you need!"  
  
"Oh, great. A flower child." Says Gandalf, as Episode 3 ends.

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A/N: Well, you like? Why not? Grrr... So, I just got back from Columbus, Ohio, where I was touring the U.S. of A. It is neat. I went to a gaming convention and met SEAN ASTIN!!! WHOO! Got his autograph and a pic of him and me!! YAY!! Erm, sorry. Well, there will be more! Be prepared! I will give you Gondorian French Fries if you review, and EVERYONE loves Gondorian Fries! Next: The Party We've All Been Waiting For!


	4. Chapter Four: The Party We've All Been W...

A/N: The Party We've All Been Waiting For: Part One. Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, this chapter promises to be long and pointless, but with some humor, drunken people, and some others thrown in. Hold tight. I will give you, erm, CHOCOLATE if you review! Now, how can you say no to that?

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**_Chapter Four: The Party We've All Been Waiting For, Part 1 (Bit repitive, don't you think?)_**  
  
"Hallo, everybody! We're live with our PartyCam, and Grima here is going to tell you our guests as they arrive! This party sponsored by Grimbold's Horse Stables, Dernhelm Cleaners, and the local library." Paul says.  
  
"Whatever, Fred." Grima says. "Now, I'm going to introduce our guests as they come. First we have Aragorn and Arwen, aww, aren't they cute? Next come Frodo, Sam, and Gollum, followed by Eomer and Theoden! Then come Merry and Pippin, and Faramir. Next comes Denethor, followed by Sauruman and Gandalf. Then comes Celeborn and Legolas, trailed by Gimli and Elrond. And now our couples! Wait, shouldn't Aragorn and Arwen be on this list? Why not? Like I care. Ok, we have Galadriel and Haldir! Shouldn't Galadriel be with Celeborn? Hmm. And last are Boromir and Eowyn. Well, she should definitely be with Faramir, but seeing as she's not, whatever."  
  
Suddenly, the DJ starts to play some music.  
  
"Let's get this party started!!" Yells Aragorn, who is dancing really, really close with Arwen.  
  
Suddenly, the DJ starts to play 'Get this Party Started' by Pink.  
  
"Oh, Boromir, thank you for taking me to this party!" Eowyn sighs.  
  
"Erm, no...problem?" Boromir says, looking all panicky and worried.  
  
"You're the sweetest man alive!" She says.  
  
Meanwhile, Faramir is rolling on the floor laughing at Eowyn's compliments to Boromir. Denethor is standing there and applauding his son's actions silently.  
  
"Erm, that's a bit of an...overstatement." Boromir says.  
  
"No, it's not!" Eowyn says quietly.  
  
**The camera then moves to where Galadriel and Haldir are dancing.**  
  
"Haldir, thank you so much for telling Celeborn. He was such a prat. How did I ever live with him all those years?" Galadriel says.  
  
"No idea." Haldir says. The two look so cute together. Aww.  
  
"Haldir, would you like to go to dinner sometime?" Galadriel asks.  
  
"Uh, sure! That would be wonderful! We can go to the Fish Shanty!" Haldir suggests.  
  
"No, fish makes me sick."  
  
"Ok, how 'bout the Surf-N-Turf Smorgasbord?" Haldir suggests.  
  
"That sounds simply wonderful, just like you!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Well, when would you like to go?"  
  
"Next week Thursday?"  
  
"That's wonderful, Haldir!"  
  
**Meanwhile, where Eowyn and Boromir are dancing...  
**  
"Boromir, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure, Eowyn."  
  
"Would you like to go to dinner sometime?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?"  
  
"Ok, fine. You win."  
  
"Oh, thank you, Boromir! You really know how to make my day!" Eowyn says, giving him a hug.  
  
"Er, can you get off now?"  
  
"No, silly! I'm gonna stay right here forever!"  
  
"AGH!!"  
  
**Meanwhile, where no one is dancing (Where everyone else is)....**  
  
"This is such a boring party!" Merry complains.  
  
"Well, I did say bring that girl. But did you? No!" Pippin says.  
  
"Well, at least you have a girlfriend. I got no one." Legolas complains.  
  
Everyone give him horrified stares.  
  
"Damn, if Legolas can't find a date, there is as hell isn't any chance for the rest of us." Pip says.  
  
"Pippin! Don't talk like that!" Elrond hushes him up.  
  
"Elrond? Hey!" Celeborn says.  
  
"Hey, father-in-law!" Elrond says.  
  
"Erm, Elrond, can I move in with you?" Celeborn asks.  
  
"That means I have to move out!" Legolas screams.  
  
"You can move in with me, laddie." Gimli says.  
  
"Thanks, Gimli. I can still stay with Elrond!" Legolas breathes a sigh of relief.  
  
"No, Legolas, I mean you can move in with me!" Gimli says.  
  
"AII!!" Screams Legolas  
  
"Sure, Celeborn, you can move in with me." Elrond says.  
  
"You'll have to move your stuff out." Gimli says.  
  
"Damn."  
  
"Well, at least it's better for them." Gimli says.  
  
"Yeah, but no for me!" Legolas whines.  
  
"Whatever. Just shut up!" Denethor interjects.  
  
"Hey, pyro dude, shut it!" Merry says.  
  
"Look! I figured out what we need around here!" Pippin exclaims.  
  
"What?"  
  
"A singles club! We can arrange to meet local women and set up dates!" Pip says.  
  
"And who exactly is gonna run this thing?" Frodo and Sam ask at the same time, then chuckle nervously.  
  
"Well, me, because I thought of the idea." Pip says.  
  
"You can't run a Singles Club for the..." Denethor pauses to count. "The, erm, 11 of us. At least, I think there are 11."  
  
"Well, Merry and Elrond can help, and Legolas could me the marketing supervisor. I mean, people want to see him." Pip explains.  
  
"Yeah, that is a good idea!" Denethor says.  
  
"We need a catchy name..." Say Eomer and Theoden.  
  
"How 'bout.... Singles-R-Us?" Denethor suggests.  
  
"COOLIO!!" Everyone else screams.  
  
And so it was that Singles-R-Us was formed, and our couples are going on dates!!

* * *

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Part 2 of the Party is on the Way! Review and all that, and I will give you a picture of Boromir in his little Fellowship Outfit!! Autographed and kissed! How can you say no? 


	5. The Date Special!

A/N: Now introducing Eowyn and Boromir's Date! See what not to do on a date and why she should have stuck with Faramir! Followed by Galadriel and Haldir's Date! The Sunny Acres Retirement Facility Date Special!

* * *

_**Chapter Six: The Sunny Acres Retirement Date Special!  
  
**In Armandi's Italian Bistro...  
_  
"So. What'll it be for the both of you?" Asks a waiter named Jimmy.  
  
"I'll have the Spaghetti with Marinara Sauce." Eowyn says. "And a glass of merlot."  
  
"I'll have the Chicken Tortellini." Says Boromir. "And a glass of chardonnay"  
  
"Ok, I'll go put in your orders." Jimmy says and he walks off.  
  
"Isn't this awesome?" Eowyn asks. Their table is located in the back in a small corner and there is a candle lighted on their table. Some Italian music is playing in the background.  
  
"Erm, it sure is different." Boromir replies. He has never eaten in an Italian place.  
  
"Well, let's...." Eowyn says, then stops short. "Hey! This's 'Amore' by Dean Martin!"  
  
Dean Martin's voice fills the speakers and the words fill the restaurant.  
  
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's Amore  
  
When the stars seem to shine like you've had too much wine you're in love" the CD plays.  
  
"Oh, I love this song!" Eowyn says.  
  
"Er, it's quite good." Boromir said sipping his wine, which has arrived already.  
  
"It makes me thinks of people like you!" She says happily.  
  
"Ok." He says, slowly easing his chair away from the table.  
  
"Your food." Jimmy says as he places their dishes down in front of him.  
  
"Was this chicken starved?" Boromir asks, poking at a small piece of chicken as big as a quarter.  
  
"No, sir." Jimmy replies.  
  
"Well, if you insist." Boromir says, slicing the chicken.  
  
Eowyn has a plate of noodles as big as a teacup.  
  
"Wow. They sure give a lot of food." She says.  
  
"That was sarcasm, right?"  
  
"No."  
  
They slowly begin to eat their food. Boromir gets a look of panic on his face.  
  
"Shit. Eowyn, I forgot my wallet at my apartment."  
  
"You...you what?"  
  
"I think you'll have to pay the bill."  
  
Eowyn's face turns a violent shade of red.  
  
"You want me...to...to pay the...the...bill?"  
  
"Well, if I had my wallet..."  
  
"Yeah, but you don't!" Eowyn screams, tossing a bread crust from her plate at Boromir.  
  
"Dear, relax!" Boromir says, reaching across the table and taking her hand.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Eowyn says quietly.  
  
"It's ok."  
  
"Where were we?"  
  
"Well, I was saying how good this food is."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"How do you like your spaghetti?"  
  
"It's yummy. I love this restaurant."  
  
"It's good. But I can't pay."  
  
"What??"  
  
"I'm sorry!'  
  
"Boromir, that's outrageous!"  
  
"I'm sorry!"  
  
"This is what I think of you!" Eowyn screams, tossing her spaghetti at Boromir and covering him in Marinara sauce.  
  
"Argh!" Boromir yells, as the red sauce got all over his white shirt.  
  
"How do you like me now?"  
  
"I'm leaving!" Boromir says, stomping out of the building.  
  
Eowyn sits down at the table and huffs. Then, Jimmy comes with the check and Eowyn goes into a rage at the poor guy.  
  
_At Surf-N-Turf Smorgasbord...  
_  
"Haldir, this is the best date I've ever been on!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Same for me, my love!"  
  
"This Grecian Chicken is amazing!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Have you tried the Kung Pao Pork?" Haldir asks.  
  
"No, I've yet to try it."  
  
"It's tantalizingly delicious!" Haldir says.  
  
"Wow. You have such a way with words!" Galadriel exclaims.  
  
"Have I ever told you about your hair?"  
  
"No, you haven't."  
  
"It's as golden as the first rays of light that kiss the earth at dawn. The gold of the dwarves is no comparison to it. Yours is the perfect golden color, nothing shall ever compare." Haldir says.  
  
Galadriel turns magenta and stammers some things.  
  
"But I can't stop. You are perfection in every form." Haldir says.  
  
"I love you, Haldir."  
  
"As I do you, my lady."  
  
And they leaned in for a kiss...

* * *

A/N: And so ends the Date Special! I don't care that Eowyn and Boromir's and Galadriel and Haldir's date were on different days, time has generously elapsed so I could tell you this story. Review and get stuff for free! Chardonay and merlot are wines. 


	6. Singles club, anyone?

A/N: More of some Galadriel butt kissing and Boromir and Eowyn's disaster date! I'll give you pretzels if you review.

* * *

**_Chapter Seven: The Disaster Date and the Suck-up Date_**  
  
Boromir is driving home in his Chevy Convertible, looking frightening covered in marinara sauce.  
  
"I swear; women are trouble!" He says, driving with tremendous speed.  
  
He skids into the parking lot. He jumps out of the car and stomps into the building, where Singles-R-Us is having their first meeting, in the lobby.  
  
"What happened to you?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Your old girlfriend." Boromir replies.  
  
"Are you two over?" Denethor asks.  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Good. Join our single's club." Pip says, handing him a brochure.  
  
"Fine." Boromir sits down, getting marinara sauce over the chair.  
  
"Ok. So, now we just have to make video interviews of ourselves, come up with usernames for our fully functional website, and advertise." Pip says.  
  
"Here's our application." Merry says, handing out an application.  
  
_Are you a single? Looking for a partner for life? Join Singles-R-Us, a local singles club run by Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. Web site includes chat room, forum, and columns written by other singles. Our club offers exciting outings for members only! Our computer and experienced staff will pair you with someone totally compatible! All it takes is a brief video interview, a quick subscription to our website and email newsletter, and BAM! You become a part of our community!  
_  
"Wow. Who wrote this?" Sam asks.  
  
"Pippin did." Merry says.  
  
"Oh...my...god."  
  
"Pippin?"  
  
"That's unbelievable!"  
  
"I don't believe it!"  
  
"Well, believe it, people!" Pippin says happily.  
  
"Ok. First on the agenda is to have everyone fill out this form." Merry says, as more paper is handed out.  
  
_Name:  
Age:  
Species:  
Hobbies:   
Interests:  
Languages Spoken:  
Likes:  
Dislikes:  
Screenname for Website:_  
  
The members-to-be fill out the forms in pen and the scratching sound of pen on paper is heard.  
  
"Done, everyone?" Merry asks, as nods of consent are given. Merry goes around and collects the paper. "The first of the video interviews will commence tomorrow."  
  
Everyone leaves.  
  
_Meanwhile, where Haldir and Galadriel are...._  
  
"This was wonderful, Haldir!" Galadriel says.  
  
"I know. Shall we go to your place or mine?"  
  
"Uh, can you just drop me at my house? I feel sick..." Galadriel moans.  
  
"Sure thing, dear." Haldir says.  
  
The two pile into Haldir's Jeep Cherokee and drive to Galadriel's house, which is actually the apartment complex.  
  
"Thank you for the good evening. I do believe I ate too much." Galadriel says.  
  
"I think so too."  
  
"You think I ate too much?" Galadriel asks, shocked.  
  
"No! I think that I ate too much!" Haldir says  
  
"Ok."  
  
The two pull up to the apartment complex, and the sentence, "your place or mine?" becomes pointless.  
  
"Well, should I just walk you to your room?" Haldir asks, then remembers that they are living together.  
  
"Ok." Galadriel says.  
  
The two arrive at their rooms and go inside.  
  
"I don't feel so good!" Galadriel moans and rushes into the bathroom.  
  
Galadriel, in the bathroom, gets very sick and barfs over the floor.  
  
"Dear, are you alright?"  
  
"It was the stupid Grecian chicken!" Galadriel screams, as round two come up all over the bathtub.  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick, too!" Haldir yells and runs out of his room and into the next open door: Aragorn and Arwen  
  
"Dear, you seemed stressed. Want a massage?" Arwen asks.  
  
"Sure." Aragorn says, lying down on his bed.  
  
"Now relax and relax your muscles." Arwen commands, rubbing his back.  
  
Loud footsteps are heard, and Aragorn opens his eyes briefly to see Haldir run in.  
  
"What the..."  
  
Haldir rushed into the bathroom and let all the Kung Pao Pork loose in the sink.  
  
"What the bloody hell did you do?" Aragorn yells, seeing some pink chunks in the sink.  
  
"I don't feel so good..."  
  
"Well, duh, Haldir." Arwen says, looking slightly green.  
  
"Sorry. I'm sure Sam would love to clean this up. I have to go get a Pepto- Bismol or something." Haldir says, running out of their apartment and back into his own.

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked it. Check back soon! You, too, can join the Singles-R-Us club! Just fill out the application and put in a screenname for the website for Singles-R-Us. Anything, just nothing sick, nasty, or like that. 


	7. A Long, Informative chapter!

A/N: Hey, people! I knew you missed me! Yeah, as if. So, now is the part of the fic where the members of Singles-R-Us give you, the reviewers and readers, their info for the sight. So, enjoy. These members include: Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Faramir, Sauruman, Denethor, Elrond, Celeborn, Theoden, Eomer, and Gollum. Enjoy! Note: Westron is English(Or close to it) I think that you, Breck, will enjoy the Boromir section....!

* * *

_**Chapter Eight: The Singles Club Begins!  
**_  
"Ok, everyone. We're going to display the info of our members to you all, so if you come across anyone on the sight, you know who they are." Merry says.  
  
**Name: Meriadoc (Merry) Brandybuck   
Age: 36?   
Species: Hobbit (Fallohide)  
Hobbies: Stealing Crops, Drinking, Smoking   
Interests: Pretty Girls, Drinking, Smoking   
Languages Spoken: Westron   
Likes: Piña Cooladas, Ale, Rugby, Greek Food  
Dislikes: Large Insects, People in Black, Being Abandoned  
Screenname: HeirOfBrandyhall  
**  
"Wow, Merry. Even I didn't know that." Pip says.  
  
"I don't tell you everything."  
  
**Name: Peregrin (Pippin) Took   
Age: 28   
Species: Hobbit (Fallohide)   
Hobbies: Drinking, Smoking, Stealing Crops  
Interests: Dancing, Smoking, Drinking, Saving Sons of Stewards  
Languages Spoken: Westron  
Likes: Daiquiris, Mai Tais, Chinese Food, Rugby   
Dislikes: Flames, Spiders, People in Black  
Screenname: NotAnotherDumbDrunk**  
  
"You're a pyrophobic, too?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
**Name: Samwise (Sam) Gamgee  
Age: No idea   
Species: Hobbit (Fallohide)  
Hobbies: Gardening, Talking, Reciting Poetry  
Interests: Poems, Smoking, Dancing   
Languages Spoken: Westron   
Likes: Mushrooms, Ale, Pipe weed, Gardening   
Dislikes: Large Arachnids, Spider Webs, Large Eyeballs.   
Screenname: TheGardener**  
  
"Large Arachnids....Shelob?" Denethor mutters.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
**Name: Frodo Baggins   
Age: Why do you care?  
Species: Hobbit (Fallohide)  
Hobbies: Writing, Dancing, Smoking  
Interests: Writing, Going on Dangerous Quests   
Languages Spoken: Westron  
Likes: Mushrooms, Food, Sponge Cake  
Dislikes: Large Arachnids, Spider Webs, Skulking Gangrel Creatures  
Screenname: HeirOfBagEnd**  
  
"Gangrel creatures?" Boromir asks.  
  
"A fine word if I do say so myself!" Faramir beams.  
  
"Shelob, Shelob, Shelob!" Denethor mutters, and Frodo makes a serious attempt to strangle him but is restrained by Sam.  
  
He promptly gets whacked upside the head.  
  
**Name: Boromir   
Age: 41   
Species: Man (Dúnadan)   
Hobbies: Fighting, Making Noble Speeches, Blowing the Horn of Gondor, Breaking Out the Ale  
Interests: Fighting, Being Noble, Breaking Out the Ale, Listening to the Praise of my Fan, Breck  
Languages Spoken: Westron, Quenya, Sindarin   
Likes: His Life, Fighting, Gunning Down Romance, Ale, Breck   
Dislikes: Death, Uruk-hais, Arrows  
Screenname:HotHotHotGondorian  
**  
"You're afraid of death?"  
  
"You'd be two if you should have died but had to come back!"  
  
**Name: Legolas   
Age: Older than You!   
Species: Elf (Sinda)  
Hobbies: Archery, Sliding down Stairways on Shields, Fighting  
Interests: CUTE Girls and Myself   
Languages Spoken: Quenya, Silvan, Sindarin, Westron   
Likes: Archery, Bathing, Looking Good  
Dislikes: Dirt, Scum, Grunge, Filth   
Screenname: SpiffingElvishPrincelingArcher**  
  
"What? Too good for all the others girls out there?"  
  
"Shut it, halfling!"  
  
**Name: Gimli   
Age: 140   
Species: Dwarf  
Hobbies: Mining, Axing Enemies, Arguing with Legolas, Smoking, Feasting   
Interests: Mining, Armor, Fighting   
Languages Spoken: Westron, Khuzdul  
Likes: Fights, Axes, and War   
Dislikes: Evil People, Haldir, Other Elves  
Screenname: MadAxeDwarf**  
  
"Ooh, you like to fight! Me, too!" Denethor says, and got whacked upside the head by his sons.  
  
**Name: Gandalf   
Age: Why the Heck do You care?   
Species: From Across the Sea   
Hobbies: Magic, Being a Grumpy Old Frump, Looking Weird   
Interests: Saving the Day, Being Smart   
Languages Spoken: Adûnaic, Black Speech, Khuzdul, Orkish(dialect), Quenya, Silvan, Sindarin, Wargs, Westron  
Likes: Happiness Cheer   
Dislikes: Evil People, Traitors, Getting my Robe Dirty  
Screenname: GrumpyOldFrump**  
  
"A grumpy old frump?"  
  
"Yeah. Thanks, Gimli, for such a wonderful name."  
  
**Name: Faramir   
Age: 36   
Species: Man (Dúnadan)   
Hobbies: Being Noble, Being Kind, Making Noble Speeches, Drinking Ale  
Interests: Ale, Fighting, Defending Home City  
Languages Spoken: Adûnaic, Quenya, Sindarin, Westron   
Likes: Gondor, Being Brave, Helping Others   
Dislikes: My Father, Bossy People, People who Think They're Better than Everyone, Pyromaniacs, Tyrants, Dictators, Oppressors, Being second- guessed, Fire   
Screenname: RangerOfIthilien  
**  
"Are you implying something?" Denethor asked.  
  
"Where did you learn all those languages?" Sam askes, amazed.  
  
"I'm just smart like that."  
  
"Sure." Boromir laughs.  
  
**Name: Sauruman   
Age: Way, Way older than You!  
Species: From Across the Sea   
Hobbies: Being Evil, Being Mean, Breeding Uruk-hais  
Interests: Breeding Evil Minions   
Languages Spoken: Black Speech, Easterling, Haradrim, Orkish(Isengard dialect) Quenya, Sindarin Westron Likes: Evilness   
Dislikes: Good People  
Screenname: TheTechnicolored**  
  
"You're really a lady's man." Gandalf says.  
  
"I know."  
  
**Name: Denethor   
Age: Young and Spry   
Species: Man (Dúnadan)((?))  
Hobbies: Playing with Fire, Doting On Boromir, Neglecting and Being mean to Faramir  
Interests: Fire, Fire, Fire!   
Languages Spoken: Westron, and Probably all the Stuff Boromir and Faramir speak   
Likes: Fire!! Being a Downer, Scaring the Heck out of Everyone Else, Insanity   
Dislikes: Sauron, Faramir, Evil, Sanity  
Screenname: PyromaniacSteward  
**  
"You're a freakin' creep!" Faramir says.  
  
"No one will ever date you!" Merry mutters.  
  
"That's what you say now!"  
  
**Name: Elrond   
Age: 6,000   
Species: Elf (Halfelven—parts Sindarin, Noldorin, and Dúnadan)   
Hobbies: Scaring people with My Eyebrows, Late Night Coffee Breaks, Sugar  
Interests: Coffee, Younger Women, Gambling  
Languages Spoken: Adûnaic, Quenya, Sindarin, Westron   
Likes: Korean Food, Meat, and Pork   
Dislikes: Vegetarians, Vegans, Punks, Rappers, Rap Music   
Screenname: LordOfTheEyebrows**  
  
"You just don't like modern society, do you?"  
  
"Not really, my Hobbit friend."  
  
"You like YOUNGER women?"  
  
"Half the female population is younger than me."  
  
"Good point."  
  
**Name: Celeborn   
Age: Old Enough to Have a Child Who Married and Had 3 Kids!  
Species: Elf (Sinda)   
Hobbies: Ruling Lothlorien, Looking Cool, Being Mean to Elrond   
Interests: Older Women, Window-shopping, Sidewalk Cleaning  
Languages Spoken: Quenya, Sindarin, Silvan, Westron  
Likes: Living in Trees, Eating Fine Italian Food, Wines   
Dislikes: Being Bossed Around, Being Stepped on.  
Screenname: SilverTree  
**  
"Literally Stepped On?"  
  
"No, Fool of a Took!"  
  
"That's my line."  
  
**Name: Theoden   
Age: I have No Idea!   
Species: Man (Middle Man: Rohirrim)  
Hobbies: Warring, Riding my Horse, Ruling Rohan!  
Interests: Just Being Me, Hot-tubbing, Partying, Moshing   
Languages Spoken: Rohirric, Westron   
Likes: Cool People, Rap music, Vegetarians   
Dislikes: Mean, Bossy People, Grima Wormtongue  
Screenname: SeventeenthKing**  
  
"You like RAP?" Elrond asks.  
  
"What's wrong with it?"  
  
"Nothing...!!"  
  
"Oh, sure!"  
  
**Name: Eomer   
Age: 27   
Species: Man (Middle Man: Rohirrim)   
Hobbies: Ordering the Rohirrim About, Fighting, Felling Oliphaunts   
Interests: Riding Horses, Gunning Down Romance  
Languages Spoken: Rohirric, Westron   
Likes: Good people, Rightful Kingsm, Peace, Order, Rap  
Dislikes: Chaos, Evil People, Grima  
Screenname: ThirdMarshall**  
  
"Rohan people like Rap!"  
  
"No, duh, Pippin!"  
  
**Name: Gollum   
Age: Old...   
Species: Hobbit (Stoor)  
Hobbies: Sneaking, Slinking, Trying to Kill Frodo, Hating Sam, Devising Cruel, Malicious Tricks, Ambushing people, Strangling innocent people, Throttling  
Interests: The Ring   
Languages Spoken: Westron   
Likes: Slinking around   
Dislikes: Frodo, Sam, Faramir, Good People  
Screenname: RawFish  
**  
"Woah..."  
  
"He's Evil!"  
  
"I know!"  
  
"No one will ever date him!"  
  
"We'll sssee, preciousss, we'll sssee!"

* * *

A/N: That chapter was long, but most of it was lists, etc. So, review. Next is the Reviewer's part of the Singles Club! So, I hope you enjoyed this long but informative chapter! Celeborn means Silver Tree in Sindarin. Most information on Languages, Race, age, taken from the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings and The Two Towers sourcebook for the RPG. Look for chapter 9 soon! You can still join, just keep the review free of nastyness, etc. 


	8. The Long Lost Chapter FOUND!

A/N: And now, more of this wonderful party! Along with the Singles-R-Us Application! And to all of you who would like that picture of Boromir...take the Quizilla Quiz 'Who is Your Dream Lord of the Rings Date' by pippinfan3316 and after, hit see all results. You will see his picture and everything will be ok! I'll put up the link in my bio... This is the Long Lost Chapter that Comes after the Party Part 1! It's now like a flashback...

* * *

Chapter Five: The Party We've All Been Waiting For: Part Two  
  
Boromir is sleeping. Suddenly, he gets this odd flashback dream....  
**/FLASHBACK!/  
**  
"Oh, Boromir! You're so dashing and strong and manly and handsome!" Eowyn says.  
  
"Erm, can you get off me?" Boromir asks. Eowyn has been hugging him so tight that he looks like he's being smothered and his face is turning blue.  
  
"No! I wanna stay right here forever!"  
  
"NO! Off, or I won't go on that dinner with you!" Boromir threatens.  
  
"GASP! You wouldn't!"  
  
"Oh, believe me, my dear, I would."  
  
"You just called me dear!"  
  
"I did?"  
  
"I knew you loved me!"  
  
"Er, well, that's really yet to be seen."  
  
"When are we going to go out?"  
  
"Next week Friday?"  
  
"Sure! I can make a reservation at Armandi's Italian Bistro!" Eowyn says happily.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I can't wait! We'll be so happy together!" Eowyn says running off.  
  
"Together? Does that imply marriage?" Boromir asks no one, fainting in shock.  
  
_Meanwhile, where Galadriel and Haldir are dancing...  
_  
"Haldir, I can't wait for our date!"  
  
"Nor can I, my dear."  
  
"You're so romantic and sentimental! I still remember the day you gave me a heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day!" Galadriel says.  
  
"And I remember when you gave me that new bow for my birthday." Haldir says.  
  
"Oh, this is the best day of my life!"  
  
"As this is the best day of mine!" Haldir exclaims.  
  
"Oh, Haldir, you're so romantic! You must truly love me!"  
  
"I do, my love, I do."  
  
_Meanwhile, where everyone else is..._  
  
"Ok! I got the singles club application!" Pip says. He has steadily been scribbling on a napkin and has finally finished.  
  
"Let's have it."  
  
"Ok. Ahem. _'Looking for local men or women? Do you need a date for a party or other social event? Feel an empty space in your life? Well, join Singles- R-Us, the local Singles Club. We organize our own trips exclusively for members, and we promise that anyone you have a date with will have the same interests and meet your highest standards. So, call 1-800-date-4me or email us at piptookpipsclub.net or merryluvsyapipsclub.net.'_" Pippin reads, to the amazement of all.  
  
"Exclusively? When did you learn to write like that?" Faramir asks. He has slowly been weeping for his lost love, Eowyn, who has gone on with his brother. Yep, he loved her, even though he never showed it to us. He has in the past. The poor attractive guy!  
  
"I feel...moved!" Denethor says, also weeping.  
  
"That's the best bit of writing I've seen!" Elrond exclaims.  
  
"Well, all we have to do is market it."

"You should tweek it a bit." Merry suggests.

"Fine." Pip gets back to work, and the result is the thing read in a previous chapter.  
  
"We should make, like video interviews of ourselves so people know what we like and that." Denethor suggests.  
  
"And we'll have a website!" Sam says.  
  
"And email and free trips!" Frodo says.  
  
"Ok. The first meeting for video interviews will be on Monday." Pip says.  
  
"Ok. Can't wait." Legolas says, already flipping his hair.  
  
The party ends and everyone leaves.   
**/UNFLASHBACK!!!/  
**

* * *

A/N: Well, hope you like it! Should have lots of interesting things happen at the date. Once again, sorry for the confusion. It got lost in my computer word processessing archives. Now the event sequence will go back to normal. Sorry!!!!!!!


	9. Meet the Girls

A/N: Well, here's more of the story at the Retirement Facility!!

* * *

**_Chapter Nine: Eligible Women, Meet Eligible Men!_**  
  
"Ok. Now that we've gotten through that, it's time to see the ladies we can date!" Merry says.  
  
**Name: PopcornLeader AKA Kay  
Age: 14  
Species: Human  
Hobbies: Reading, writing, thinking about Pippin and Faramir  
Interests: Pippin and Faramir. HELLO?!  
Languages Spoken: English, French, German, Sindarin.  
Likes: PIPPIN AND FARAMIR! HELLO?!  
Dislikes: Denethor. Um... spiders. Gollum.  
Screenname for Website: PopcornToastie**  
  
"Does she really lead the popcorn?" Pippin asks.  
  
"No, you simple minded fool!" Gandalf screams.  
  
"Hey, I think she likes me!" Faramir and Pippin yell at the same time. They turn and look daggers at each other.  
  
"Moving on..."  
  
**Name: Tulip  
Age: 30 or so  
Species: Hobbit  
Hobbies: Riding horses, climbing trees  
Interests: Trees, the sea, hot Elvin men, Sam  
Languages Spoken: Westron and a bit of Quenya  
Likes: Hot Elvin Men, horses, cute human men, hobbits, Sam, Italian food, seafood, pie, cheese, chicken nuggets, shiny, shiny, shiny...  
Dislikes: Arwen, unsweetened chocolate, rotisserie chicken, Arwen, Arwen, Arwen  
Screenname: ShinyHobbit  
**  
"Hey, she must like me!" Sam says.  
  
"I should hope!" Sauruman says.  
  
**Name: Valentina (Tina) Baker   
Age: 26   
Species: Human though my mother tells me otherwise  
Hobbies: Screwing with people's heads, getting into trouble, whiskey, doing things that could get me killed Interests: Going on adventures or doing things that could get me killed  
Languages Spoken: Westron, French, Quenya   
Likes: Noble men, whiskey, metal and punk music  
Dislikes: Pyros, evil twisted creatures, all seeing eyes   
Screenname: Southerngirl4615**  
  
"Wow...sounds like dear ol' mom." Boromir says.  
  
"You hardly even knew mom, you dolt!" Faramir says.  
  
"That is irrelevant!"  
  
"Just shut up, looser."  
  
"Make me."  
  
"My pleasure!"  
  
"STOP IT!!" Denethor screams, hiding under the couch in the fetal position.  
  
**Name: Breck  
Age: um... 17, but don't tell anybody  
Species: Human-licious  
Hobbies: see "interests"  
Interests: see "hobbies" (Okay, fine... writing you know, reading you figured, plus hockey, soccer... Boromir... banana salad... Thursdays... Boro-ma...mi.../drool/ Damn, this is making me all hot and bothered.)  
Languages Spoken: anglais, François, un peu d'allemangne, chicken (bawk bawk bawk)  
Likes: Your face, precious.  
Dislikes: Your ass, loser.  
Screenname for Website: Breckster? (Sure, whatever, as long as I can figure out who's me.)**  
  
"Wow, Boromir, you got a girlfriend!" Faramir says.  
  
"Which is more than I can say about you." Boromir retorts.  
  
How little he knows...  
  
**Name: Sheildmaiden-of-Rohan-forever or SoRF  
Age: Can't remember  
Species: Elf  
Hobbies: writing, drawing, acting  
Interests: horses and thetere  
Languages Spoken: Engish  
Likes: Food, shiny things  
Dislikes: bugs  
Screenname for Website: thegurlwholoveslongnames**  
  
"I thought Eowyn was the shieldmaiden!" Denethor says.  
  
"Dear Lord, please tell me she isn't in this!"  
  
"Please no, please no, please no!" Boromir says.  
  
"It's not, you idiot!" Sam yells.  
  
**Name: Annabel  
Age: 12 & 1/2  
Species: human but a hobbit at heart  
Hobbies: reading, writing, Merry Brandybuck  
Interests: Merry Brandybuck, movies, LotR  
Languages Spoken: English, Japanese, Pig Latin  
Likes: HOBBITS!, Merry Brandybuck, junk food, summer camp  
Dislikes: know-it-all people, homework, gym class  
Screenname for Website: the-hobbit-lass**  
  
"Wow...Merry's got a girlfriend! Merry's got a girlfriend!!" Pip says.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Merry and Annabel sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then come Merry with the baby carriage!" Pip sings, or rather screams, at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Hey...at least I've got a girl!"  
  
"So do I!"  
  
"Well, Faramir was on her list, too!"  
  
"Yeah, but Faramir is mine." The authoress mutters from above, and no one hears her because no one pays attention to her.  
  
"WHATEVER!!" Denethor says.  
  
**Name: Mary   
Age: 16   
Species: Man (Dúnadan) ((Not really, more of human!))  
Hobbies: Astrology, Tarot Cards, Writing, Reading, Faramir, Pippin, Being a Pirate  
Interests: Faramir, Faramir, Faramir, Pippin  
Languages Spoken: Westron, Quenya, Sindarin   
Likes: Faramir, Pippin, Pirates, Pillaging, Plundering, Drinking Ale, Stealing Things   
Dislikes: Denethor, Sauron, Know-it-alls, Insects, Arachnids, Freaky Eyebrows  
Screenname for Website: BloodyMary**  
  
"She freaks me out." Boromir says.  
  
"I like her!" Faramir says.  
  
"Oh, look. Someone just like that Leader of Popcorn." Merry says.  
  
"POPCORNLEADER!!!!!!!!" Pippin screams  
  
"Now, look. We need to move on, please?" Frodo asks.  
  
"Yesss, preciousss, we mussst!" Gollum hisses.  
  
"HEY! I just got an email that said someone was willing to date Denethor if he wasn't so mean to Pippin and Faramir! (Orliey this means you!)" Merry screams.  
  
"Wow...I knew I was hot! Mommy always told me that I was drop-dead gorgeous!" Denethor screams.  
  
"Yeah, but grandma was carted away in to a mental asylum in a white jacket." Boromir says.  
  
"STOP RUINING THE MOMENT!!" Denethor yells.  
  
"This means you have to be nice to us!" Faramir and Pippin say, then chuckle nervously.  
  
"Fine. I just want a date." Denethor says.  
  
"Well, let's look at the interests of the people and then we'll tell you who you will date and when." Merry says.  
  
"In the mean time, the forums are open if you'd like to chat." Pippin says.  
  
Denethor walks off humming, "I'm too sexy for my shirt", Boromir walks off looking very pleased, Faramir and Pippin stare at each other, Frodo looks hurt that no one likes him, Sam is beaming with joy, Legolas is looking frightened, and everyone else just leaves.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will be a chatroom chapter, showing what people say when they meet each other on line! Fun with a monkey and more! There is still time to submit your own résumé into the singles club, I will wait until chapter 13 and then that is it! So submit your review and entry now so you don't miss out on the fun!! The last entry was me. 


	10. The Chatroom

A/N: Hello, and welcome! In this chapter, we see what goes on in the chatroom of , which is no real website and I advise you not to look it up on the Internet.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: The Chatroom **  
  
_NOTE: The chapter will be written like a chatroom, which means no sentences or whatever. For references, this is the screenname list:_  
  
**Screenname: HeirOfBrandyhall (Merry)  
Screenname: NotAnotherDumbDrunk (Pippin)  
Screenname: TheGardener (Sam)   
Screenname: HeirOfBagEnd (Frodo)  
Screenname: HotHotHotGondorian (Boromir)  
Screenname: SpiffingElvishPrincelingArcher (Legolas)  
Screenname: MadAxeDwarf (Gimli)  
Screenname: GrumpyOldFrump (Gandalf)  
Screenname: RangerOfIthilien (Faramir)   
Screenname: TheTechnicolored (Sauruman)  
Screenname: PyromaniacSteward (Denethor)   
Screenname: LordOfTheEyebrows (Elrond)  
Screenname: SilverTree (Celeborn)  
Screenname: SeventeenthKing (Theoden)  
Screenname: ThirdMarshall (Eomer)  
Screenname: RawFish (Gollum)   
Screenname: PopcornToastie (PopcornLeader)  
Screenname: ShinyHobbit (LegosGirl)  
Screenname: Southerngirl4615 (Southergirl4615)   
Screenname: Breckster (Breck)  
Screenname: thegurlwholoveslongnames (Shieldmaiden-of-Rohan-forever)   
Screenname: the-hobbit-lass (Lily the Bucklander)   
Screenname: BloodyMary (A Darker Side of Light)**  
  
(A/N: Now that we're done with the list...on with the story!)  
  
_[SilverTree has entered]_  
  
SilverTree: Anyone here?  
  
SilverTree: Anyone?  
  
_[ThirdMarshall has entered]_  
  
ThirdMarshall: What's up, man?  
  
SilverTree: Nuthin much

ThirdMarshall: Ok.  
  
_[PyromaniacSteward has entered]_  
  
PyromaniacSteward: What's up?  
  
SilverTree: Go away, freak.  
  
PyromaniacSteward: Oh, that's nice!  
  
ThirdMarshall: It sure is!  
  
PyromaniacSteward: Thanks a lot.  
  
SilverTree: No problemo.  
  
_[MadAxeDwarf has entered]_  
  
SilverTree: Hi, Gimli!  
  
MadAxeDwarf: AAH!! An ELF!  
  
_[SpiffingElvishPrincelingArcher has entered]  
_  
SilverTree: What idiot would have that as their screenname?  
  
MadAxeDwarf: Legolas.  
  
PyromaniacSteward: I feel so ignored.  
  
SilverTree: Save it for the jury.  
  
ThirdMarshall: Save the drama for your mama.  
  
PyromaniacSteward: That was cold.  
  
_[LordOfTheEyebrows has entered]  
  
_MadAxeDwarf: AAH! Another ELF!  
  
SpiffingElvishPrincelingArcher: You are racist, man.  
  
MadAxeDwarf: Oh, shut up.  
  
_[BloodyMary has entered]_  
  
BloodyMary: Has anyone see Faramir?  
  
PyromaniacSteward: Stay away from my son!  
  
BloodyMary: Shut up, Denny!  
  
PyromaniacSteward: Oh, make me!  
  
_[RangerOfIthilien has entered]_  
  
RangerOfIthilien: Hi, all.  
  
BloodyMary: HI!! Faramir, I missed you!  
  
RangerOfIthilien: Do I know you?  
  
BloodyMary: I think so.  
  
_[Breckster has entered]  
_  
Breckster: Anyone seen Boromir?  
  
PyromaniacSteward: Why are you stalking my sons?!  
  
Breckster: Because he's cute!  
  
BloodyMary: One of them.  
  
Breckster: WHAT??  
  
BloodyMary: Well, all right, both.  
  
Breckster: Thank you.  
  
_[TheTechnicolored has entered]_  
  
TheTechnicolored: Hi.  
  
BloodyMary: Be gone!  
  
_[MadAxeDwarf has left]_  
  
BloodyMary: I miss the cheese of my website!  
  
PyromaniacSteward: You have cheese?  
  
BloodyMary: Yeah, but none for you!  
  
_[BloodyMary has left]_  
  
RangerOfIthilien: I have to sleep.  
  
_[RangerOfIthilien has left]_  
  
PyromaniacSteward: I'm hungry!  
  
_[PyromaniacSteward has left]  
_  
ThirdMarshall: I need to go eat. I need sleep. I have to go read and do my homework!  
  
_[ThirdMarshall has left]  
_  
SilverTree: He has homework?  
  
_[TheGardener has entered]_  
  
TheGardener: Hey.  
  
SilverTree: S'up?  
  
TheGardener: NM, you?  
  
SilverTree: Nothing, really.  
  
TheGardener: Want to party with some hobbits? We can get really drunk and par-tay!  
  
SilverTree: Sounds fun! What time?  
  
TheGaradener: 9:00 pm.  
  
SilverTree: I'll be there!  
  
LordOfTheEyebrows: Can I come too?  
  
TheGardener: Sure, man!  
  
_[GrumpyOldFrump has entered]  
_  
GrumpyOldFrump: Can I come?  
  
TheGardener: Sure.  
  
_[HeirOfBagEnd has entered]_  
  
HeirOfBagEnd: Sam, how many people did you invite?  
  
TheGardener: A lot, Mr. Frodo.  
  
_[NotAnotherDumbDrunk has entered]_  
  
NotAnotherDumbDrunk: has anyone seen PopcornLeader?  
  
_[PopcornToastie has entered]_  
  
PopcornToastie: PIPPIN!!!!  
  
NotAnotherDumbDrunk: PopcornLeader!!  
  
_[HeirOfBrandyhall has entered]_  
  
HeirOfBrandyhall: Hi.  
  
_[PopcornToastie has left]_  
  
HeirOfBrandyhall: I need sleep!!  
  
_[HeirOfBrandyhall has left]_  
  
_[NotAnotherDumbDrunk has left]_  
  
LordOfTheEyebrows: Hi, I need to go, Bye!  
  
_[LordOfTheEyebrows has left]_  
  
_[SilverTree has left]_  
  
_[TheTechnicolored has left]  
_

* * *

A/N: And so ended the chatroom. Check back for more normal stories, and some more chatroom! Don't miss out! Send in your form today!


	11. Denethor is WHAT?

A/N: Here's another chapter, this is 11, so you only have ONE CHAPTER LEFT!! After I post chapter 12, the doors are closed...although it would be nice if I got a girl for everyone out there. I mean, in the story. So, just review. Now, my good friend Orliey sent a filled-out form that made me roll on the floor laughing and nearly died! I nearly died cause of this thing! So, just review so I can put you in, otherwise I'll have to be drastic and send you all screaming emails!! FEAR ME!! Ahem.

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven: Denethor is WHAT???**_  
  
"We got one last arrival!" Merry says.  
  
"Can we see it?" Pip asks.  
  
"Er...sure." Merry says, after having read the form looking disgusted, amused, and is quaking with laughter. Silent laughter.  
  
**Name: Orliey  
Age: 21  
Species: Human  
Hobbies: Reading fan fiction, writing, playing with fire  
Interests: Swords, fire, writing, movies, psychology, hobbits, Denethor (if he wasn't so mean to Pippin and Faramir)  
Languages: Just English  
Likes: The Four Hobbits, insanity, pyrotechnics, sword fighting, Denethor (if he wasn't so mean to Pippin and Faramir), Monty Python, good looking funny men  
Dislikes: Mean people, pulp in my orange juice, close-mindedness  
Screenname: DenethorIsDeadSexy**  
  
"Denethor is WHAT??" all the members besides Merry and Denethor scream.  
  
"I'm WHAT?" Denethor says, looking amazed and happy.  
  
"You're um..." Boromir starts.  
  
"Dead sexy." Faramir finishes.  
  
"That's right, kids! Take a lesson from your old man! You don't get this body without hard work!" Denethor says, strutting around.  
  
He stops and flexes his muscles.  
  
"AAH!" Faramir screams, and barfs all over the chair that Denethor was sitting in.  
  
"Hey! I was sitting there!" Denethor whines.  
  
"You better be nice to me!" Faramir says.

"Ok. I always though you were a good kid, except for the fact that you looked like your mom and gave me painful memories!" Denethor says.  
  
"Oh, ok then."  
  
"What about me?" Pippin asks.  
  
"That day, I was going through lack of sugar!" Denethor says.  
  
"I know how that feels. You are forgiven." Pippin says.  
  
"YAY!" Denethor says.  
  
"He looks really happy, huh?" Merry says.  
  
"Yeah." Pippin says.  
  
Frodo walks in, late, with a 36-inch Pixie Stick. You know, those pure sugar things? And 36 inches is 3 feet, or as tall as Frodo is, with about 6 inches!   
  
"What I miss?" he asks.  
  
"Someone thinks Denethor is dead sexy." Sam says.  
  
"WHOA!!" Frodo screams.  
  
"I know. He's gone to the gym to work out." Faramir says.  
  
"I WANT A SIX-PACK!!" Denethor screams back. If you don't know what that is, it's not a six-pack of soda. It's...ask someone else. Like your parents, who won't laugh as they try to explain it, like I do.  
  
"That was utterly disturbing." Boromir says, shaking his head.  
  
"Don't you have a...." Merry asks.  
  
"Shut UP, Merry!" Boromir screams.  
  
"Sorry. Touch-y!" Merry says.  
  
Boromir shakes his head and goes back to reading a book, "How to Date a Girl in 10 Easy Steps."  
  
"Obviously didn't work with Eowyn, did it?" Faramir asks.  
  
Boromir slaps him upside the head.  
  
"Why? Why me?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Oh, save it for the jury!" Sam says.  
  
"That was cold."  
  
"Why is everyone saying that?" Frodo asks.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
"Pixie Stick."  
  
"GIMME!!" Gimli says.  
  
Gimli's been awfully quiet. (A/N: I forgot about Gimli. It's hard when you have 11 people, you can't remember who they are!)  
  
"No, Gimli!" Legolas says.  
  
"What is going on?" Elrond asks.  
  
"I have a migraine!" Celeborn says.  
  
"I'm tired." Eomer mutters.  
  
"I need sleep." Theoden says.  
  
"I need cheese!" Gollum says.  
  
"GOLLUM!!" Everyone screams and they kick him out.  
  
"What, preciousss?" Gollum asks, as he walks outside to get some beer.  
  
_At the Gym..._  
  
"Drop and give me 100 sit ups, old man!" The gym instructor, Jim, says.  
  
"What?" Denethor asks.  
  
"GET GOING!!"  
  
Denethor manages to do 50 and then collapses.  
  
"I...can't...go...on." He moans.  
  
"Get UP!!" Jim yells.  
  
Denethor manages to do 50 more.  
  
"Ok, no go lift some weights." Jim says, as Denethor goes to lift weights.  
  
"Ok. Here's a 20 pounder. See what you can do with it."  
  
Denethor picks it up, straining under the weight.  
  
"What do I do?" he asks.  
  
"Just go like this." Jim says, pumping his arm like when you lift weights.  
  
"Ok."  
  
Denethor does this for a bit and then decides it's too easy.  
  
"What else can I do? I want to look good for someone who likes me!" Denethor says.  
  
"Well, you can do push ups." Jim says.  
  
Denethor does 100 of those.  
  
"I think you can go now." Jim says.  
  
"I'll be back!" Denethor says.

* * *

A/N: And so, Denethor started to work out at the gym, be nice to Pippin and Faramir, and be cool all to get a girl.


	12. More Chatroom!

A/N: Hi, all! I'm back, and no, I never sleep. I stay up at night until the wee hours of dawn and type away, drinking Mega-Gulps of Mountain Dew with extra sugar and lots of caffeine tea, and so I never sleep and wait until my parents scream at me to get off the bloody computer and do something with my like, and then I sit in my room and think about ideas to put in the stories! Isn't my life a charm?  
  
**Orliey**: what hair color do you find most attractive in guys? Just a little question to make the story even better...  
  
**Breck**: More good things are coming your way! (cough**closets**cough**withboromir**cough)  
  
And to any other reviewers who have reviewed, I love you all and you all will get cheese and crackers!

* * *

_**Chapter 12: More Chatroom Madness**_  
  
(I've changed the chatroom a bit, it will now display everyone currently on and then list who is entering and leaving. Makes it a bit easier.)  
  
Members Online: BloodyMary  
DenethorIsDeadSexy   
PyromaniacSteward   
Breckster  
HotHotHotGondorian   
RangerOfIthilien  
  
BloodyMary: Has anyone seen Faramir?  
  
RangerOfIthilien: I'm right here.  
  
BloodyMary: You scared me a bit there.  
  
Breckster: How are you, Boromir?  
  
HotHotHotGondorian: I feel depressed and angst-y!  
  
PyromaniacSteward: I have a two pack!  
  
DenethorIsDeadSexy: That is a major achievement! You deserve free kisses and candy!  
  
[SilverTree has entered]  
  
Breckster: Don't you have anything else to do besides be in here all day?  
  
BloodyMary: Perhaps we should all ask ourselves that.  
  
Breckster: Well, I have Boromir...  
  
BloodyMary: And I have Faramir...  
  
DenethorIsDeadSexy: And I have Denethor...  
  
SilverTree: I have a life!!  
  
[HeirOfBagEnd has entered]  
  
HeirOfBagEnd: Hi, all.  
  
BloodyMary: EEP! Frodo!!  
  
HeirOfBagEnd: What?  
  
[TheGardener has entered]  
  
TheGardener: Hey.  
  
BloodyMary: When is that party?  
  
TheGardener: Why?  
  
BloodyMary: I want to get drunk and par-tay with little hobbits, too!  
  
TheGardener: Ok, fine, come.  
  
BloodyMary: Thank you Sam.  
  
TheGardener: Fine. Why doesn't everyone just come and have a good time?  
  
HeirOFBagEnd: I hate you all.  
  
[RawFish has entered]  
  
RawFish: We lovesss the preciousss, we do.  
  
Breckster: I feel alone.  
  
HotHotHotGondorian: I'm hot and sexy.  
  
Breckster: Sure, you are! I love you!  
  
[Breckster has left]  
  
BloodyMary: ?  
  
[HotHotHotGondorian has left]  
  
DenethorIsDeadSexy: I need a date for the party...  
  
PyromaniacSteward: I'll go!  
  
DenethorIsDeadSexy: Score!  
  
[PyromaniacSteward has left]  
  
BloodyMary: This board is full of losers, save for one rather attractive Gondorian...  
  
RangerOfIthilien: Ooh! Pick me!  
  
BloodyMary: Have you been eating sugar?  
  
RangerOfIthilien: I love games!  
  
BloodyMary: Are you watching Finding Nemo? Because I am going to come over and watch it too!  
  
[BloodyMary has left]  
  
[RangerOfIthilien has left]  
  
[DenethorIsDeadSexy has left]  
  
SilverTree: Gollum, it's just you and me.  
  
RawFish: Doesss nasssty Elfie have any idea how wrong what he jussst sssaid sssoundssss?  
  
SilverTree: Get your mind out of the gutter!  
  
RawFish: I livesss in a guttersss...  
  
SilverTree: That is wrong! I am NOT an ELFIE!!  
  
RawFish: Likesss I caresssesss.  
  
[SilverTree has left]  
  
RawFish: Go to hell, people.  
  
[RawFish has left]

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I sure did. Finding Nemo...sorry. I've been contaminated and keep hearing that music for an odd reason. I think Faramir is a Finding Nemo guy. Have a nice day, and remember to Read at Adsol's! Adsol: The Best Thing! Hee...sounds like a cleaning detergant! 


	13. Craziness and Insanity: Lots of Fun for ...

A/N: Hi, all! I'm baaaack! I know that you loved the last chapter, so whatever. Now, we'll see more weirdness from Denethor, and some other weird stuff not seen in the books! Or movies! Well, you missed out on the Singles Club, you must be happy. The openings are over, and no more people can come. And this chapter might be really insane and confusing, but relax and enjoy! I hope it's so insane it's cool!

* * *

**_Chapter Thirteen: Denethor goes to the Hair Dye Salon and Elrond Burns a Rap CD_**  
  
"Hey! BOROMIR! I'm going out! Come here for a minute! I need to tell you what not to do in the apartment." Denethor yells. He is holding scissors behind his back.  
  
"What?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Don't cook anything, don't open the door to strangers, and don't talk to telemarketers on the phone. Remember what happened last time?" Denethor asks. As he walks out the door, he snips off a bit of Boromir's hair to take to the salon...  
  
_At the Salon..._  
  
"Now, I want to dye my hair this color." Denethor says to the hair dye specialist, showing him the piece of Boromir's hair.  
  
"'K. No problemo." The specialist says, going to get some dye that matches.  
  
Denethor sits down in the chair and waits a bit, flipping through the Hair Style Today! Magazine. He stops at a picture of a crew cut and looks at it like it's the best thing since sliced bologna.  
  
"Whoa..." He says, then shakes his head.  
  
"Ok. Ready?" The specialist asks.  
  
He globs some dye on Denethor's hair and lets it sink in or something. How does the process work? I don't care because I don't know.  
  
"Ok, now just let it rest for a bit and then you'll have great hair color!" The guy says.  
  
Denethor goes and sits down, reading a book called, "Dating: What to Do and Say" by Linda Q. Harley.  
  
Time ticks bye, until it's time for him to see the new Denethor with New Action-Packed Hair Color!  
  
Denethor gets up and goes to sit in the stylist chair.  
  
"Ready to see the new you?" The specialist asks.  
  
"Whatever, just do it already!" Denethor growls.  
  
Off comes the protective plastic thing, and the towels, and the whatevers, and soon....  
  
"I look FREAKIN' GOOD!!!" Denethor screams.  
  
"Sure." The specialist says.  
  
"SHE'S GONNA FLIP!! I'M REALLY SEXY NOW!!!" Denethor screams, getting up and running out and skipping around and looking happy.  
  
_Meanwhile, back at the Retirement Place...  
_  
"Sam! You can't just invite 20 billion people to a party and order 9 pizzas!" Frodo screams.  
  
"It wasn't 20 billion! It was more like the entire retirement facility, minus Eowyn, and the girls we're supposed to be dating!" Sam protests.  
  
"Well, yeah, except none are dating us!" Frodo screams.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!" Sam screams.  
  
Gollum is standing on a corner outside holding up a sign that says, "Homeless. Will work for raw fish.", like those homeless people in the streets. A car swerves off track and hits him, as an ambulance comes and takes him to the hospital.  
  
"Where's Gollum?" Frodo asks.  
  
"Don't know, don't care."  
  
"Fine, be that way."  
  
_Meanwhile, in his car...  
_  
Denethor is cruising around in his Suburban and listening to 94.7: the Zone and singing along.  
  
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screams, along with the singer of the band, whatever band that may be.  
  
The car is black and shiny, and soon he pulls towards the retirement home. But, just when he was going to pull in, a little old lady started to walk across the street and Denethor swerved to avoid hitting her—and hits Gollum instead. He immediately pulled into the underground parking facility and grabbed a hose to wash the front of the car, which had blood in the grill. He took off the license plates and hid them, then ran into his room and barred the door so the police wouldn't find him. But this is Middle Earth and there are no police so ha!

_In Elrond's Room..._

"Aha! Now, the time is at hand! The dominion of rap in Music Stores is over! Watch now, as I, Elrond, Lord of Rivendell and the Immortal Halfelven, destroyes this rap CD!" Elrond says.

We see a metal garbage can, the sides slicked with oil. Elrond lights a match and tosses it in the can, as the can soon contains flames and is burning, just like the good ol' pyre of Denethor, minus Faramir nearly burning.

"The time has come!!!" Elrond screams, and with that, he tosses the rap CD into the can and it melts. Elrond does an evil laugh and walks out.   
  
_In Pippin's Room..._  
  
"HA! I did it!" Pippin screams, jumping up from his computer.  
  
"What?" Merry asks, looking on from the couch, where he is watching a movie about cars.  
  
"I just won a FREE Sony Digital Camera!" Pip says.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well, on this website, you can try to hit the target, which was Aragorn's head, and then if you do, you win! Then you fill out a form and they send it to you!" Pip explains.  
  
"That's not a good idea...."  
  
"Relax! I filled out address as Grima's address. No one will know it's for me, and then I'll pick it up and run away, leaving Grima with the bill!"  
  
"But it was free, Pip!"  
  
"No, you had to pay 19.95 shipping and handling."  
  
"Grima's gonna be so mad at you!"  
  
"Relax, Merry!"  
  
_In Faramir's Room..._  
  
"I love Finding Nemo!" Faramir says.  
  
"I love you, Dad." Nemo says on the TV.  
  
"This part always made me cry!" Faramir says, his voice cracking.  
  
"It's ok, Faramir, I'm here and everything is going to be ok." Mary says.  
  
"I miss my mom! Nemo lost him mom like me!!" Faramir sobs, crying a river with no one but me to comfort him. And boy do I know how to do that!  
  
"It's ok, Faramir, I love you and everything is ok."  
  
Faramir continues to sob and Mary continues to comfort him until the movie is over (Ok, at this part I was crying at how unlike Faramir crying might be).  
  
_Meanwhile, elsewhere, as in Denethor's Room..._  
  
"You're home early!" Orliey says, looking at Denethor shaking behind the bolted door. Oh, the barred door. Whatever. The door is locked and you can't come in, so phbbt!  
  
"Why are you in my room with the lights off?" Denethor asks. Ok, that was just...._/shudders at the wrongness/_.  
  
"I'm here because I know about the accident on the corner." Orliey says.  
  
"You...you do?" Denethor asks.  
  
"Yeah. And I also know that you died your hair and that it now looks even sexier." Orliey says.  
  
"Then you must also know that I must leave." Denethor says.  
  
"What? No!" Orliey says.  
  
"Yes. It is no longer safe here. I might be hunted down and thrown into a vat of boiling oil, then tarred and feathered!" Denethor says.  
  
"NO! If you die, I die as well!" Orliey says.  
  
"I don't want you hurt..."  
  
(And at this part, I was thinking how like a movie this bit was and then I snorted my iced tea out of my nose and at my computer and it went 'fzzzzz!' and then I nearly got electrocuted from touching the keyboard but I'm ok! And on we go...)  
  
"I love you and will stand by you to whatever end!" Orliey says.  
  
"Ok, then, will you marry me?"  
  
(And then I just started to shake with laughter and then my computer got another shower of iced tea and again went 'fzzzzzz!' and tried to shock me.)  
  
"I'm speechless! I...of course!!!" Orliey says. (If Orliey has any problems with this, tell me and a plot in the story will undo the engagement.)  
  
"I'm so happy!!!"  
  
"Me, too!"  
  
And they hugged and everyone went 'aawww!' except for a few who went 'yuck!'  
  
_Meanwhile, in Pippin's Liquor Walk-in Closet..._  
  
"I need some beer...and money..." Pippin thinks, and suddenly he is grabbed by a mysterious person and pulled into the darkest part of the closet...the back!  
  
"Aha! Now my evil plan for kidnapping Pippin is complete!" says a voice...this is PopcornLeader.  
  
"PopcornLeader! I would have run away with you any old day!" Pip says.  
  
"I love you!"  
  
"!!!"  
  
"Ok, where to, master Peregrin?"  
  
"Uh...Cuba?"  
  
"Why Cuba? Let's go to Hawaii!"  
  
"How bout we go to the party together?"  
  
"Ok, Pip! That's wonderful!"  
  
And so everyone had a date for the party, and the singles club was fulfilling its role...

* * *

A/N: Ok, these people are the dates:  
  
Faramir and Mary  
Boromir and Breck   
Pip and PopcornLeader   
Merry and Annabel  
Denethor and Orliey  
Aragorn and Arwen   
Haldir and Galadriel   
Sam and Tulip  
  
If there is a person NOT on the list you'd like to date...please review with whom that may be! Boys can review, also, as Eowyn is open!  
  
That party is near approaching and people are lonely! Date and whatnot! Sorry, no more singles club applicants, you missed out. Whatever. Just have fun and review! Time for another party!!!


	14. Another Party! They Always Party! PARTY!

A/N: Welcome back. Ok, I'm typing in secret, seeing as I've been unjustly banned from the computer. Well, I'm going to shut up and get on with the story, so here we go.  
  
**Orliey**: Glad to make you so happy. I didn't get the pun, hell; I didn't even know there was a pun, whatever. You're happy and that's what counts!!

* * *

**_Chapter Fourteen: A Party Again. Don't they ever do anything besides party?  
_**  
The time for the party is at hand. Sam and Frodo and Merry and Pippin are decorating their little apartment with stuff and stuff and other stuff that isn't really important to the plot.  
  
"When is that pizza coming?" Sam asks.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"Well, you can't eat it all now, Sam."  
  
"I didn't say I was hungry!"  
  
"It was me."  
  
"Pip-pin!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
And back they go to decorating.  
  
_Meanwhile, in Faramir's Room..._  
  
"That movie is so sad!" Faramir cries. By now, Mary is looking pretty scared that he won't stop crying.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Really upsetting."  
  
"Wanna watch another movie?"  
  
"Sure. Let's watch...Jaws!"  
  
"Fine." Faramir sniffs and puts the DVD into the DVD slot.  
  
The Jaws theme comes on and everything is tense. Then you see a person swimming and Jaw coming to eat them...  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Faramir screams, very loud, high pitched, and girly.  
  
"Ahhh!" Mary screams; having someone scream in your ear is not fun. At all.  
  
"Sorry. That was freaky!" Faramir moans.  
  
"Do you like any movies?" Mary asks, pausing the movie.  
  
"Yep! I like Lilo and Stitch, The Little Mermaid, and Legally Blonde!!" Faramir says.  
  
"Ok, I'm going to introduce you to a not-so-pansy movie." Mary says, putting School of Rock in the DVD slot.  
  
_Meanwhile, in Denethor's Room..._  
  
Denethor and Orliey are dancing around in a circle, hopping and screaming and generally looking happy for themselves.  
  
"I'm so happy!" Denethor squeals. Really high pitched. Really.  
  
"Me, too!!" Orliey yells.  
  
Due to the happiness level in the room, the authoress, me, has decided to let you, the reader, figure out what else they said ("I'm gonna get married to a sexy guy!!!").  
  
_Meanwhile, at the Hospital..._  
  
"Get him in emergency, stat!" The nurse says.  
  
"He's bleeding! He might not live..."  
  
"Wantsss raw fissshesss!" Gollum hisses.  
  
"Give him and I.V. tube!" the nurse says.  
  
An I.V. tube is put into Gollum's hand.  
  
"Aii!!" he yells for no reason.  
  
"Ok, he's gonna need stitches and surgery!" the doctor says.  
  
They give Gollum some anesthesia and he passes out.  
  
_Meanwhile, at the party scene..._  
  
"Ok, people, it's show time!" Sam says, his date Tulip standing there, too.  
  
"Ready!" Annabel and Merry say.  
  
"Good to go." Say Pippin and PopcornLeader.  
  
In walks Boromir and Breck, Boromir once again wearing that leather jacket thing that he wore in the fellowship because I don't know if he has any more clothes. And that jacket's sexy.  
  
Then come Faramir and Mary, Faramir over his crying fit and looking good in the outfit that Denethor tried to burn him in, minus the oil. Because that is a sexy outfit.  
  
Then come Denethor and Orliey, both looking super happy and wearing black or something, they just look happy and Denethor's in a tux. I guess.  
  
And then some other people who are dateless come in and sit down.  
  
Then, the hired DJ starts to play some music.  
  
Everyone starts to dance and look happy and dance.  
  
And so began the party to end all parties...

* * *

A/N: Look out for chapter two, which will be put up next and not at some erratic time when it's a time hop. Stay tuned! 


	15. The End of the Party, at the RIGHT time

A/N: Hi! I'm BACK!! FWOOSH!!! Sorry, I'm not banned from the computer, rather, I'm perfectly allowed to be on and everything is ok! All right, if anyone at all got the pun Orliey was talking about, tell me. I just didn't get it at all and am soooo confused. Whatever. On with the show.

* * *

**_Chapter Fifteen: WOW! Fifteen Chapters! Root Beer Floats and Candy Floss for All!_**  
  
"What was that about? Change the title of the chapter!!" Denethor says, throwing a fork at the authoress, sometimes called Mary, who immediately does so.  
  
_**Chapter Fifteen: The Party Scene. No, Frodo, I mean scene, not tree. Idiot hobbit.**_  
  
"HEY!!!" Frodo says.  
  
"Whatever. Just whatever." Sam mutters.  
  
"Where's Eowyn?"  
  
"Didn't invite her."  
  
"She's going to be mad!"  
  
"Whatever!!"  
  
"Perhaps we should get the pizza now."  
  
"SHUT UP, SAM!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Ok, can we get this party started?" Annabel asks.  
  
"I'm coming up so you better get this party started..." Frodo starts to sing.  
  
"NO, FRODO!!" Everyone else yells.  
  
"Sorry!" Frodo says, doing his funky chicken imitation.  
  
"That dance is so old." Denethor says.  
  
"Yeah, it's so out of style." Orliey agrees and looks at Denethor.  
  
"Whatever!!!" Frodo screams, hiding in a corner.  
  
Legolas walks in and dances the Macarena and smiles.  
  
"Still dateless?"  
  
"Eh, probably." Legolas says.  
  
"Hey, I'm hott tonight!!" Elrond says. I'd rather not describe Elrond's outfit as it may make some of you with weak stomachs bring up your last meal. One word: Spandex.  
  
"Elrond! Please stop! My eyes can't take the pain!!!" Pippin screams.  
  
Merry and Annabel have claimed the Walk in Liquor Closet as their own and are happily smooching away.  
  
Pippin and PopcornLeader are just standing there and looking at each other lovingly.  
  
Mary and Faramir are kissing in a dark corner.  
  
Breck and Boromir are kissing in a dark corner.  
  
Orliey and Denethor are kissing in a dark corner.  
  
Honestly, is all these people do kiss? GAH!!  
  
"Ok, what now?" Frodo asks Sam, who just shrugs.  
  
They decide to go out for pizza. No, not as a date! Honestly, everyone, minds out of the gutters NOW!!  
  
Merry and Annabel decide to go for...Chinese food.  
  
Denethor and Orliey are going to go to Vegas and get married. But if they did, there would be no comic relief, so they aren't going. Yet. So they go get some Italian food.  
  
Pippin and PopcornLeader go for BBQ and beer.  
  
Mary and Faramir go for Thai food.  
  
"I love Pad Thai!!" Faramir says.  
  
Unfortunately, Denethor runs the restaurant.  
  
"Damn!"  
  
Breck and Boromir go for...Italian food. (I'm running out of food!!)  
  
And so ended the party. Not that exciting but hey, more will be coming!!

* * *

A/N: So, I hope you liked it. I love you all for reviewing and now you should review more and get free stuff! I don't know what but something. 


	16. Some interesting stuff sure to be intere...

A/N: Hey, y'all! I'm BACK and will be here to tell you...some weird things that happened at the Apartment Retirement Place....  
  
And on to thank the reviewers!!!!  
  
**PopcornLeader**: Ok...I really wouldn't mind...your day will come...trust me...not just looking lovingly at each other or whatever I said....  
  
**crazy-haldir-fancier**: Ok, because I'm nice, you can fill out the form. You are the first and last of the late entries, because your...erm, person to date...is funny. Go ahead.

* * *

**_Chapter Sixteen: Welcome to the Jungle!! (No, not the Guns n' Roses song!)_**  
  
"That party stunk." Boromir says.  
  
"Oh, shut up, you had a good time and you know it!" Pippin says.  
  
"Hey, aren't I around?"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Faramir, no one cares about you and no one ever did."  
  
Silence.  
  
"What...did...you...say?" Faramir asks, very quietly yet none too venomously.  
  
"I said that no one ever cared about you! Not dad, not mom, not even that stupid little girlfriend you have!" Boromir says.  
  
"ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And with this, Faramir jumped on Boromir and seriously tried to strangle him. I'd like to believe he was fighting for my honor, but I know that he's just mad. MAD!!  
  
"Noooooo!!!!!" Pippin says, trying to stop Faramir. But what good is a small hobbit against a will of steel...to kill your older brother?  
  
"Someone get someone!"  
  
"Pippin, that didn't help!!' Boromir says, his voice strained.  
  
"Just...die!!" Faramir says.  
  
Pippin runs out of the room and tries to find Aragorn. What he really finds is...  
  
"Denethor! Come on!!" Pippin says, dragging Denethor into the room where Faramir and Boromir are locked in Death Match Middle Earth.  
  
"ARGH!!!" Denethor says, and upon seeing the sight, attempting to strangle Faramir.  
  
This only leaves Pippin with the option to get someone else. And this happens to be...  
  
"Aragorn! Come on!!"  
  
And when they come upon the scene, Aragorn runs in to strangle Denethor.  
  
"Honestly, if someone doesn't help, they're all going to die!!" Pippin says.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Holy cripes, I'm the only one to save them!" And with that, Pippin ran in with a crowbar to save everyone's lives.  
  
_A few hours later..._  
  
"Ok, now that everyone's done relaxing their breathing..." Celeborn says, leading the group through a round of yoga.  
  
"I can't feel my shakras!!" says Denethor.  
  
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Merry asks.  
  
"Do I even have feet? I can't feel them." Sam asks.  
  
"Now, you should all do the 'downward dog' position..." Celeborn says, demonstrating.  
  
"He can't be serious." Denethor says.  
  
"That's impossible!" Merry says.  
  
"No, it's improbable!" Pippin adds.  
  
"It's the same thing!!!"  
  
"Sorry, Merry."  
  
"Ok, and then wrap your left leg over your left shoulder..."  
  
"How the hell does he do that?"  
  
"He's rubberman!!!"  
  
"Shut UP, Pippin!"  
  
"Sorry, Boromir."  
  
"You know, all this yoga isn't all it's cracked up to be."  
  
"No duh, Captain Obvious!"  
  
"Why does everyone call me that?"  
  
"Uh, Legolas, 'A Diversion'? I mean, even Pippin could have said that!"  
  
"Sor-ry, Ar-a-gorn of the Du-na-dain!" Legolas says, accenting every syllable.  
  
"Wow, Le-go-las Green-leaf!" Aragorn says.  
  
"SHUT it, Aragorn!"  
  
"O-k!"  
  
"And then you breathe out..."  
  
"Why are we doing this?"  
  
THWACK!  
  
"That hurt, Boromir."  
  
"Shut up, Faramir."  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"I WILL!"  
  
"ARGH!!!!" and with that, round two of Death Match Middle Earth began.  
  
"And breathe in..."  
  
"Shut it, Silver Tree!!!"  
  
"That was cold."  
  
"This is stupid."  
  
"ARGH!!!"  
  
"Then LEAVE, LEGOLAS!!"  
  
"DON'T THINK I WON'T!!!"  
  
"Does it get stupider than this?"  
  
"Who asked you, Eowyn?"  
  
"EOWYN!!!"  
  
And lo and behold, Eowyn was doing yoga amongst the whiners and complainers. Faramir and Boromir actually stop fighting at her name.  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry I wasn't around yesterday, I was starting my business!" Eowyn apologizes.  
  
"You're in retirement! You don't work!" Boromir says.  
  
"Wrong! I'm making cash income, and when the lot of you are starving and in the hospital..."  
  
"Like Gollum..." Denethor adds quietly.  
  
"Then I'll be rich and I'll rub it in your faces!"  
  
"That would be the wrong thing to do." Denethor says.  
  
"Ok, whatever. Just look for it. It's a bar and grill, named The Jungle." Eowyn says, handing out cards.  
  
"Coupons!"  
  
"The twenty second buffalo wing is free!" Eowyn smiles.  
  
"When can we go?"  
  
"Well, that's yet to be seen..."  
  
_Later, on the phone..._  
  
"I need a reservation for...14...on Saturday." Denethor says.  
  
"'K, sir." Someone on the other line says.  
  
Denethor looks at his checkbook.  
  
"Ok, that'll be a 15.95 down payment and a 18.00 fee for parties of 8 or more." The person says.  
  
"So...that's..."  
  
"33.95."  
  
"EEP!!!"  
  
"Sir, are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."  
  
"Ok, sir, we'll see you on Saturday."  
  
The lady hangs up, and Denethor is left looking at his checkbook in horror.  
  
"How will I ever pay for this??" He thinks, looking at his checkbook.

* * *

A/N: Ok, if you've yet to figure out, the people in chapter 13 are going for a date at Eowyn's Bar and Grill. These would be:  
  
Faramir and Mary   
Pip and PopcornLeader   
Merry and Annabel  
Denethor and Orliey  
Aragorn and Arwen   
Haldir and Galadriel   
Sam and Tulip  
  
If you'd like to join in and don't see the name of the person you'd like to date or your name, include that in the review and I'll see what I can do. And, crazy-haldir-fancier and...someone else whose name starts with E and ends with D. No, not Ed, you freaks, there isn't even someone named Ed! 


	17. A Long and pointlessly long chapter

A/N: Hey, all, I'm back with the response to the question that millions have asked (Ok, actually only myself): Where do all the girls live? So in response, here's the handy guide to where those girls live. Note that all rooms are on floor 1 because everyone else lives on all the other floors and I really don't want to look it all up. So here's the list!  
  
Room 101: PopcornLeader AKA Kay  
  
Room 102: Tulip  
  
Room 103: Valentina (Tina) Baker  
  
Room 104: Breck  
  
Room 105: Sheildmaiden-of-Rohan-forever or SoRF  
  
Room 106: Annabel  
  
Room 107: Mary  
  
Room 108: Orliey  
  
Room 109: Kashmir  
  
Ok, and because I'm nice I've let the last person in, this would be crazy- haldir-fancier, so that's all. And, I've updated the date things; southergirl4615 will be going to the restaurant with Frodo. And Sarah, if you wanted to be with Lego you needed to fill out a on, some joined member just take Lego!!! Wait, are there even any free members? If there is, include it in your review if you're one. Otherwise, it may be time for round two of applications. This means...Gollum, Celeborn, Theoden and Eomer are all open. So, if you want to...

* * *

**_Chapter Seventeen: The Late Arrival and other pointless stuff._**  
  
"We've got one more!" Merry says, putting the last applicant on the screen.  
  
**Name: Kashmir  
Age: ?  
Species: Human (or so I'm told...)  
Interests: Elrond, Elrond, Music (rock)...And Elrond.  
Likes: Elrond, Music (rock), Root beer...and Elrond.  
Dislikes: Rap, heights, Denethor, Elrond haters, deep water, and empty eye sockets OO  
Screenname: MeLikesElrond**  
  
"Oh...my...God." Elrond says.  
  
"Sniff...why are we left out?" Legolas sniffs.  
  
"I have no idea!!!"  
  
"Ok, anyway, we're all going on a date on Saturday to Eowyn's restaurant."  
  
"Goodie. Can't wait!!" Everyone says.  
  
_A few hours later..._  
  
Now that the girls have settled into their apartments, the boys are going to visit them.  
  
Pippin walks up to room 101 and knocks on the door.  
  
"Come in!" PopcornLeader yells.  
  
Pippin walks in and sits down on a nice couch, the room looking very clean and neat.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
"Sure, Pip."  
  
"I was thinking...you want to go on a date this Saturday?"  
  
"Sure! Where?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking about Eowyn's Restaurant..."  
  
"Pip! That's great!"  
  
And then the two kiss, looking generally happy and in love. And they stay that way for a really long time...like 30 minutes.  
  
_Meanwhile, by Mary's room..._  
  
Loud music is blaring through the walls. The sounds of an electric guitar are heard picking along with the music. Faramir walks up to her door and looks generally scared.  
  
"Uh, can I come in?" He asks.  
  
No one answers.  
  
"CAN I COME IN??" he yells.  
  
The music and guitar stop. A loud crash is heard as Mary opens the door looking shocked.  
  
"Aloha, Faramir, didn't expect to see you." Mary says, wearing a black shirt and black pants.  
  
"Are you Goth?" Faramir asks.  
  
"So what if I am?" Mary asks, looking hurt.  
  
"I didn't mean that it's a bad thing, it's just that I didn't know."  
  
"Riiiiiight." Mary says.  
  
"What were you listening to?"  
  
"That, my undereducated music friend, was Incubus."  
  
Faramir looks confused.  
  
"Now, what are you doing standing out side my door in...a football jersey and pinstripe capris? Honestly, I need to go shopping with you." Mary says, shaking her head.  
  
"Ok, I just wanted to ask you out on a date!" Faramir says, looking rather good-looking in a football jersey and pinstripe capris.  
  
"Really? That's sweet!"  
  
"OK, Mary, I know that you love fine dining and people, and that you love movies, so I was thinking that on Saturday we can go to dinner with everyone else and then we can go to see a musical or play or movie!" Faramir says.  
  
"Sure...this Saturday?" Mary asks.  
  
"This Saturday at 5:00."  
  
"Cool! I'll be there. Why don't you come inside? I can't believe that I've been talking in the hallways outside my room. Honestly, I'm so--." Mary says, turning to go inside but actually walking into the wall next to her door.  
  
"OH MY GOD! Are you ok?" Faramir asks.  
  
"I'm totally fine." Marry says, getting up.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"You know how many times I've done that?" Mary asks, stepping inside.  
  
The room is black, black walls and a black couch, along with a black guitar in the corner with blue flames on it and posters of different heavy metal, punk, and hard rock bands.  
  
"You have a dismal room."  
  
"It's not that bad. It's gothic."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! ELROND BURNED MY RAP CD!!!!!" Eomer yells, running into Mary's room.  
  
"What was that, Eomer?"  
  
"NOOOOOO!!! ELROND BURNED BY RAP CDS!!!!" Theoden screams, also running into Mary's room.  
  
"Ha! RAP IS DEAD! NOW IS THE TIME FOR SKA MUSIC!!!" Elrond yells, also running into Mary's room.  
  
"What are you all doing in my room?" Mary asks.  
  
_Meanwhile, where Breck and Boromir are...(see? Told you this day would come!)  
_  
"Ok, what do you want to do?" Boromir asks, looking bored.  
  
"Dunno. What do you want to do?" Breck says.  
  
"No idea. What do you want to do?"  
  
"I really don't care."  
  
"Want to go out on Friday?"  
  
"Sure! That's spiffing!"  
  
"Hey, what's that?" Boromir asks, pointing at a walk in liquor closet.  
  
"That's a.... Walk in liquor closet."  
  
"You know, I think all these rooms have walk-in liquor closets."  
  
"That's a shame. What does it say about us?"  
  
"That we like our liquor."  
  
"Sure we do. Who doesn't?" Breck asks, going inside the closet.  
  
"I'm coming too!"  
  
"Why? It's just a closet, but sure."  
  
So Breck and Boromir walk into a closet.  
  
"You know what, Breck?"  
  
"No, what?"  
  
Boromir clears his throat and continues.  
  
"I really think you're super...better than Eowyn...wait, Eowyn, she was stupid...but anyway..." Boromir starts to blush. "You'rereallygreatandIthinknowwaitIknowIloveyouwannagooutwithmesomeday?" Boromir says.  
  
"What?" Breck asks, looking confused.  
  
"You heard, you just want me to say it again because you want me to suffer!" Boromir says.  
  
"No, I really didn't hear. Can you say it slowly and calmly?" Breck asks.  
  
"Ok...you're really great and I think no wait I know I love you wanna go out with me some day?" Boromir repeats, very slowly and calmly.  
  
"OF COURSE!!! You're only the sexiest guy alive!" Breck says, jumping up and down.  
  
"So that's a yes?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Of course it is! I love you, too!" Breck says, giving Boromir a big kiss.  
  
And everyone was generally happy, except the Rohirrim people, because their rap CDs were burned and Mary was mad because everyone was in her room, but aside from that...

* * *

A/N: Ok, I'll admit, this chapter wasn't my usual weirdness and insanity, but you must understand that I was writing through a migraine and people were screaming in the background...but on a happier note...I'm now officially moved into my college dorm located near Harvard...where I will be terrorizing the school. See? The Scot is in the US for two semesters, maybe more! But anyway, look for the new chapter...soon! 


	18. That Mind Boggling Question!

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who said good luck in the US...I just had to re-take my driving test because you drive on the other side of the road. Ok, it was like 16 all over again! Anyway, I got more applications, so they'll appear here, and finally! Someone who didn't want to date Legolas! Let's all die of shock! Not. Ok, enjoy! Also, INMH, can you just add a screenname to your little application thing? Then I'll add you in.

* * *

**_Chapter Eighteen: More Arrivals and that Mind-Boggling Question!_**  
  
"Look! More newbies!" Merry says, as everyone just gathers around a screen and watches.  
  
**Name: Mitra  
Age: ...  
Species: Human  
Interests: Eomer, drawing, Eomer, reading...  
Likes: Eomer, cats, and...um...Eomer!  
Dislikes: Heavy rock music, mean people, Eomer haters  
Screenname: PeanutBumBep**  
  
"OOH!!!! I'm loved!" Eomer screams.  
  
**Name: Sarah  
Age:?  
Species: Human... I think...  
Interests: Hot and sexy young princes, Legolas Legolas Legolas!! hrm hrm..  
Likes: Archery, Legolas, Music, Baseball  
Dislikes: Denethor(because he's mean to Faramir, bastard tried to kill him!!){::lunges at Denethor} Sauron, and Sauruman...  
Screename: Muddie21**  
  
"Well...now that I've been called that...and after I've gotten my four pack..." Denethor sniffs, as Orliey looks at him consolingly.  
  
"What about that date we're all going on?" Sam asks.  
  
"Ooh! I've got a date!" Frodo yells.  
  
"Bout time."  
  
"Me, too!" Eomer says.  
  
"As do I!" Legolas says.  
  
"Well, I'll just call the people up and add...eight...more." Denethor says.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
_Later, after everything got set out so everyone is coming..._  
  
"We're all going to take my SUV." Denethor says, showing everyone his souped-up SUV in the parking lot, while everyone else just drives little Chevy Malibu's and Impalas, whilst Denethor has a shiny black SUV.  
  
"Wait...this thing only fits seven! How on earth are we all going to get there?"  
  
"Well, Faramir and I can take my little two-seat Chevy Corvette Stingray!" Mary says, indicating a black Corvette with blue flames on the front.  
  
"And Breck and I can take my Chevy Convertible." Boromir says. "Seats two."  
  
"OOH! That's so cool..." Breck says, looking very happy at that idea.  
  
"Ok, Elrond, Legolas, Eomer, and our dates...Sarah, Mitra, Tina, and Kashmir can come with me in my van." Frodo says.  
  
"Ok, and everyone else will come with me. That would be...Pip, Kay, Merry, Annabel, Orliey, Sam, Tulip, Galadriel, and Haldir." Denethor said.  
  
"That's ten, including you."  
  
"Sam, Haldir, and someone else can go in the cargo area." Denethor says.  
  
"I'll go with my Haldir..." Galadriel says, looking dreamy.  
  
"Ok, and Arwen and I can go in my Honda." Aragorn says.  
  
"Is that everyone?" Denethor asks.  
  
"Whatever. This Saturday." Arwen says.  
  
"I thought Friday?" Boromir says.  
  
"No, everyone's going Saturday, because afterwards we're going to see _Oklahoma_ at the Auditorium Theatre." Aragorn says.  
  
"Who got tickets for that?" Merry asks.  
  
Arwen raises a hand sheepishly.  
  
"Great." Aragorn groans.  
  
"Whatever, I heard it's good!" Arwen says.  
  
"Of course, daughter-daughter!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Is that like sister-daughter or something?" Theoden asks.  
  
"I really have no idea." Galadriel replies.  
  
"Whatever, can we just go?"  
  
"What day of the week is it?"  
  
"ARGH!! It's FRIDAY!!!" Faramir yells.  
  
"CRIPES!!!"  
  
"Ok, everyone, seeing as it's...Friday at 12:59:59 PM, I'll see you today...."  
  
"What the heck am I doing out so late?"  
  
"Do they have walk in liquor closets at this restaurant?" Boromir asks, looking at Breck.  
  
"Naughty, naughty, you'll get caughty!" Elrond says.  
  
"Hey, that's from Harry Potter. That's plagiarism!"  
  
"Shut it, Aragorn!"  
  
"Sorry. Perhaps we should all sleep now..." Eomer says, stifling a yawn.  
  
"Ok, let's go..." But Breck and Boromir fall asleep in his car; whatever they were doing in there I don't know...checking the transmission fluid! Ok, yeah...   
  
Everyone else just staggers up the stairs to their rooms. Some fall asleep on the stairs.

* * *

A/N: Ok, I'm going to write the restaurant chapter next, look for it!!! Review! 


	19. The Big Restaurant Date Thing and the Mu...

A/N: Here I am, everyone! I know, I'm back...I always am! Ok, here I go, typing all your little entries...this may be the last chapter you get of this story whilst I'm away. I love that word...whilst! Ok, anyway, this is the last one before my trip...enjoy!

* * *

_**Chapter Nineteen: Going to the Restaurant and the Musical**_  
  
All the girls are dressing up and looking very nice and everything. All the men (or boys, whatever) are getting gifts and stuff to give the dates and are wearing their best.  
  
Suddenly, a knock on PopcornLeader's door awakes her from her thoughts on how to not have any conversation with the man who tried to kill Faramir and bashed her boyfriend about.  
  
"Are you ready to go?" Pippin asks, looking very hot in his Minas Tirith outfit (see, I know how much you like him in that outfit...).  
  
"Yeah." She says, stepping out of her room in a Minas Tirith-themed dress, which is silver with a black tree on the front. Ain't it pretty??  
  
"Wow...that's a cool dress..." Pippin says.  
  
"It's one of a kind. Isn't it wonderful?" PopcornLeader says, twirling around as the dress billows out or something.  
  
"Let's go. I can't believe we got stuck in Denethor's SUV." Pippin moans, walking down the stairs.  
  
_Meanwhile, by Mary's room..._  
  
"Ready?" Faramir asks, knocking on Mary's door wearing the outfit he wore at Aragorn's coronation, minus the armor. That is a cool dress; it looks really nice minus armor.  
  
"Yep!" Mary says, walking out of her room in a black (what else?) dress that looks very similar to Arwen's mourning gown.  
  
"Did you steal that from Arwen?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Why does everyone ask me that? Maybe I did!" Mary replies.  
  
"Really? You stole it?" Faramir asks.  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Oh, because I was going to ask you to steal my dad's palantir so I could have a look..."  
  
_By Breck's Room..._  
  
"Ready?" Boromir asks, wearing his leather jacket outfit because I really don't think he has anything else. He is also wearing that cloak that he's got, which totally completes the outfit.  
  
"Yeah!" Breck says, walking out wearing a white dress.  
  
"Ok, I guess we can walk down to my car..."  
  
_By Orliey's room..._  
  
"Hey, ready?" Denethor asks, wearing that robe thing, but instead of wearing the chain mail underneath, he's wearing a black shirt and black pants.  
  
"Yeah, man!" Orliey says, walking out wearing a dress similar to the one Eowyn has on in Dunharrow.  
  
"That was always such a pretty dress..." Denethor says.  
  
"I know! I really love that dress store where you buy all the famous dresses from Lord of the Rings on the corner..." Orliey says.  
  
_Jump to the Parking Garage..._  
  
"Ok, everyone ready?" Denethor asks.  
  
"Ready!" Mary yells, waiting to have speakers full blast. Ok, I'm driving my own car, whatever...  
  
"Check!" Boromir says, in his own car.  
  
"READY!!" Everyone in Frodo's van say, hanging out the windows.  
  
"Ok, everyone in!" Denethor orders.  
  
Pippin and PopcornLeader crawl into the back, Annabel also sits in the back, Merry and Tulip go in the middle, and Denethor jumps in the driver's seat while Orliey gets in the passenger. Galadriel, Haldir, and Sam jump in the trunk, and Aragorn and Arwen get in Aragorn's Honda.  
  
"Ok, let's go."  
  
Mary's car is the first one out, due to the fact that she's driving 50 MPH and is speeding along, Faramir gripping the seat with white knuckles, cringing at the loudness of the music, which so happens to be Bon Jovi.  
  
"Hey, no one said that I was a good driver..." Mary says, as Faramir lets out a shriek of terror. Ok, Faramir shrieking...I've really gone insane.  
  
Breck and Boromir pull out next, some good driving tunes blaring on the radio, like the Oldies that are all about cars and girls.  
  
Aragorn and Arwen pull out next, some tango music on the speakers. Ok, tango and Aragorn, that's just weird.  
  
Frodo's van pulls out and everyone starts to sing 'YMCA'. The van is painted bright yellow and looks like a happy place.  
  
Denethor's SUV pulls out next, listening to some form or hip-hop. The bass is turned way way up, causing the mirrors to shake.  
  
PopcornLeader is glaring at Denethor's head, muttering something about 'burning people alive'.  
  
"Ok, are we having fun yet?" Sam asks from the trunk.  
  
"I don't think so." Merry says.  
  
"Ok, can we change the radio station?" Haldir asks.  
  
"You can't hear the radio anyway!" Denethor yells.  
  
"This is stupid! Why'd I get stuck in this car??" PopcornLeader asks, glaring pointedly at Denethor.  
  
"Hey, don't blame me!" Merry says.  
  
"Ok, then, I blame Denethor!"  
  
"Ok, Kay, why are you blaming me?"  
  
"Because you picked me to be in this car."  
  
"Can't you slow down?"  
  
"Hey, I'm doing the speed limit!" Denethor yells.  
  
"Is the speed limit 85?"  
  
"Maybe it is!"  
  
"Ok, if we get arrested, don't look at me!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Hmmm...having people in your trunk and doing 85 MPH...no, doesn't look like we're gonna get arrested today." PopcornLeader says sarcastically.  
  
"Hey, blondie, shut up!" Denethor says.  
  
"How dare you call me blondie!!" PopcornLeader says.  
  
"Well, I just did!"  
  
"And after you nearly killed Faramir and then bashed my boyfriend about? You're so insensitive!!!"  
  
"What I say, blondie?!?!" Denethor screams.  
  
"We're veering off the road!" Pippin yells.  
  
"We're all gonna die!!!" Everyone yells, except Denethor, who is cackling maniacally and laughing uncontrollably.  
  
_Meanwhile, in Frodo's van..._  
  
"Ok, what song next?"  
  
"My Band!" Someone besides Elrond says.  
  
"That's rap, ain't it?"  
  
"Perhaps, Elrond."  
  
"Well, I'm not going to tolerate it!" Elrond says.  
  
"Ok, can we just sing the chicken dance?" Eomer asks.  
  
"No, I wanna sing 'Stacey's Mom!" Legolas whines.  
  
"Can't we sing the Hokey Pokey?" Elrond says.  
  
_Meanwhile, in Aragorn's Honda..._  
  
"This is gonna be so cool!" Arwen squeals.  
  
"Yeah...can't wait to see Oklahoma..." Aragorn sarcastically replies.  
  
"I know! It'll be so cool!" Arwen shrieks.  
  
"It's gonna be a looong night..."  
  
_Meanwhile, in Mary's Corvette..._  
  
"Can't you go slower?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Hey, I can't, man, not when I can go 130 at max!" Mary says.  
  
"130???" Faramir asks.  
  
"Well, I'm only going 85..." Mary replies.  
  
"I'd like to get to the restaurant in one piece!!!"  
  
"Ok, now I'm doing 80. Better?" Mary asks.  
  
_In Boromir's Convertible..._  
  
"Isn't this super?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Yeah! Don't you have any other clothes, though?"  
  
"Well, none that look as cool as this!" Boromir says.  
  
"That's right." Breck says.  
  
"Hey, isn't this the place?"  
  
Everyone pulls into the parking lot, and soon everyone is out in the lot and standing around.  
  
"Shall we go in?"  
  
They all head in.  
  
Gimli is sitting behind the host counter, scribbling "Dwarves 4 eva" on the seating chart. Hearing the bell chime, he looks up.  
  
"Hey, how can I help you?"  
  
"Well, we had the reservation..." Denethor says.  
  
"Ok, this way, y'all." Gimli says.  
  
They all go towards a large table and sit down.  
  
"Now, our waitress will be with you momentarily..." Gimli says.  
  
Eowyn pops up.  
  
"Can I take your order?" She says, looking happy.  
  
"Er..." Denethor says.  
  
"Hey, Boromir, fancy some spaghetti and meatballs?" Eowyn says, then cackles evilly as Boromir blushes.  
  
"Leave my man alone!" Breck says.  
  
"Is that a threat?"  
  
"What if it is?" Breck says, tossing her water at Eowyn, who screams.  
  
"My white shirt!!!" She yells. All the boys kind of blush, because if you know what a wet white shirt looks like on a girl...from a friend's experience, it's a tad embarrassing...but the authoress remembers that it's PG-13 and so everyone kind of forgets that moment.  
  
"Ok, so I guess everyone's having pasta primavera..." Eowyn says.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, that's all the chef knows how to cook!" Eowyn says.  
  
"Great." Denethor mutters.  
  
After a yummy meal, including some food fights and a ruined leather jacket belonging to Elrond, who was looking like Agent Smith, the group goes to see Oklahoma.  
  
"This had better be good!" Aragorn mutters.  
  
"I'm sure it will be!" Arwen replies, as the usher leads them to their seats, which just happens to be located in the second row.  
  
"Hey, with these opera glasses, I can see what's in that guy's nose!" Merry says.  
  
"That's disgusting! Let me see!" Pippin says.  
  
"Maybe we should shut up." Mary says.  
  
Everyone intently watches the musical.  
  
"I don't get it."  
  
"Shut UP, Pippin!" Boromir says.  
  
"Owww!"  
  
"Shut it!'  
  
"SSSHHHH!!!"  
  
Everyone shuts up and watches.  
  
"Who's that guy?"  
  
"SHUT UP PIPPIN!!!" Aragorn says, rather loudly.  
  
"HEY, DOWN IN FRONT!!!"  
  
"SHUT UP, MAN!!"  
  
"Why...why...why..." Mary mutters.  
  
"I'm not mad, I'm not mad, I'm not mad..." Faramir says.  
  
"SHUT UP, LITTLE BRO!!!" Boromir screams.  
  
"I'm not stupid, I'm very smart..."  
  
"I'm smart! I'm hot! I'm everything you're not!" Legolas says.  
  
All the actors onstage look at the group.  
  
"Whaddya want, dude?" Denethor asks, throwing some chocolate chips at the actor.  
  
"Let's go, Faramir." Mary says, trying to get away from her crazy companions.  
  
"You're simply the best! Better than all the rest! Better than anyone! Anyone I ever met!" Pippin sings.  
  
"WAIT FOR ME!!!" Everyone yells, as there is a mass stampede going out of the theatre.  
  
"That was so weird..." Boromir says.  
  
"Can we just leave?"  
  
"No! The karaoke bar is open 24/7/365!" Denethor says.  
  
And so they all decide to go for some late night karaoke!

* * *

A/N: Check back soon for the karaoke bar incident!!! Coming at you live from Me!!! probably posted sometime in late August, due to vacation. Review whilst I'm away! 


	20. Really Bad Karaoke

A/N: Ok, I lied, here's the bad karaoke...enjoy!! Ok, and I just read that I had Faramir wearing a dress...I was confused...ok, it's not a dress, it's more of a cloaky thing, just go to alleycatscratch dot com to see it, it looks really good...minus the armor.

* * *

**_Chapter Twenty: Wow! Twenty Chapters! Free ale for all!!_**  
  
"GIMME!!" Merry and Pip scream.  
  
"Change the title!!" Denethor yells, tossing a spoon at Mary.  
  
**_Chapter Twenty: Really Bad Karaoke_**  
  
"Ok, here's the late night karaoke bar...enjoy!!!" Denethor says.  
  
"ME FIRST!!!" Pippin yells.  
  
"Ok, fine." The karaoke bar dude yells.  
  
"I'm gonna do...er.... 'Into the West'..." Pippin says.  
  
"OOH! I love this song!"  
  
"Lay down your sweet and weary head  
  
Night is fallen you have come to journey's end  
  
Sleep now, dream of the ones who came before  
  
They are calling...from across the distant shore  
  
Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face?  
  
Soon you will see all of your fears will pass away  
  
Safe in my arms you're only sleeping"  
  
Everyone else is just dancing on the dancefloor...oh isn't it cute?  
  
"What can you see on the horizon?  
  
Why do the white gulls call?  
  
Across the sea a pale moon rises  
  
The ships have come to carry you home  
  
And all will turn  
  
To silver glass  
  
A light on the water  
  
All souls pass  
  
Hope fades  
  
Into the world of night  
  
Through shadows falling  
  
Out of memory and time  
  
Don't say we have come now to the end  
  
White shores are calling  
  
You and I will meet again  
  
And you'll be here in my arms just sleeping  
  
What can you see on the horizon?  
  
Why do the white gulls call?  
  
Across the sea a pale moon rises  
  
The ships have come to carry you home  
  
And all will turn to silver glass  
  
A light on the water  
  
Gray ships pass into the west." Pippin sings.  
  
"Ok, that's enough, Mr. Took." The karaoke bar dude says. "Next we have...Faramir, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, and Elrond singing 'It's Raining Men'...I have no idea be some form of sick joke...whatever..."  
  
"For the first time  
  
Just about a half past ten  
  
For the first time in history  
  
It's gonna start raining men  
  
It's raining men  
  
Hallelujah it's raining men  
  
Every specimen  
  
Tall, blonde, dark, and lean  
  
Rough as you have ever seen  
  
It's raining men  
  
Hear the thunder, boy  
  
You lose your head  
  
Rip off the roof and stay in bed  
  
It's raining men  
  
God bless mother nature  
  
She's a single woman too  
  
She took all the angels  
  
And rearranged the sky  
  
So that each and every woman  
  
Could find the perfect guy  
  
It's raining men" All those manly-men sing. Ooh. Yeah. Ok, whatever, moving on...  
  
"Can we leave? All this singing done badly is giving me a headache..." Kay moans, as Denethor sings 'Livin' la Vida Loca' very badly and out of tune.  
  
"Next we have...Mary...doing.... 'My Heart Will Go On'..."  
  
Mary gets up on stage.  
  
"WHOOT!!!!!!" Faramir screams from the back, very loudly.  
  
"Every night in my dreams  
  
I see you, I feel you  
  
That is how I know you go on  
  
Far across the distance  
  
And spaces Between us  
  
You have come to show you go on  
  
Near, far, wherever you are  
  
I believe that the heart does go on  
  
Once more you open the door  
  
And you're here in my heart and  
  
My heart will go on and on  
  
Love can touch us one time  
  
And last for a lifetime  
  
And never let go 'til we're gone  
  
Love was when I loved you  
  
One true time I hold to  
  
In my life we'll always go on  
  
Near, far, wherever you are  
  
I believe that the heart does go on  
  
Once more you open the door  
  
And you're here in my heart and  
  
My heart will go on and on  
  
You're here, there's nothing I fear  
  
And I know that my heart will go on  
  
We'll stay forever this way  
  
You are safe in my heart and  
  
My heart will go on and on," Mary sings.  
  
"Sniff...what a lovely song..." Faramir says.  
  
"It was so toughing!" Boromir says, giving Breck a hug.  
  
"That was so...moving..." Denethor says.  
  
"I loved it..." Pippin says, hugging PopcornLeader.  
  
"That was...so..." Merry says, hugging Annabel.  
  
Everyone is moved, and soon everyone is crying and hugging their dates.  
  
_Skip 30 minutes..._  
  
Everyone is driving home in stony silence.  
  
"You can really sing..." Faramir says.  
  
"No, I can only sing one song, that's it." Mary says, driving 90.  
  
"Why are you driving 90?" Faramir asks.  
  
"So I can get home! I'm so tired...singing, you know?" Mary says, as with a squeal of breaks, they pull into the apartment center lot.  
  
"AAAA!!!" Faramir yells.  
  
The breaks squeal as the car stops. Mary and Faramir jump out, then walk upstairs.  
  
_In Boromir's Convertible..._  
  
"That was really a great song you've sung back there..." Breck says.  
  
"You know, I really didn't get it, but if you liked it, I liked it." Boromir says.  
  
"That was great..." Breck says.  
  
"I'm so tired..." Boromir yawns, pulling into the lot as Mary and Faramir are walking out of their car.  
  
"Hey! It's the My Heart Will go On girl!!" Boromir cackles.  
  
Mary mutters something incoherent as Boromir laughs.  
  
"Leave her alone!" Faramir says. Mary just looks angry and walks inside, slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Mary!" Faramir yells, running in after her, also slamming the door.  
  
"Little Bro!" Boromir screams, running in and slamming the door.  
  
"Boromir!" Breck says, also running in and slamming the door.  
  
Denethor's SUV pulls in and everyone is asleep, not caring, and Denethor is just sleeping at the wheel. Lucky they didn't crash.  
  
Frodo's van pulls in and everyone jumps out, singing 'The Hokey Pokey' and appear to be on sugar.

* * *

A/N: Review whilst I'm away, this is the last for now, I'll see you at the end of August! Not too funny, I know. 


	21. Going to WalMart

A/N: I'm BAAAACCCKKKK!!! Missed me, eh? Oh god, I'm sounding Canadian! EH EH EH!! Whatever. I'm back!! Orliey, I will need to know: your fave color and male celebrity (not Denethor or John Noble, so sorry!!) Ok, and now I present to you a bit of insanity though up on my road trip.

* * *

**_Chapter Twenty One: The Trip to Wal-Mart and Please Don't Throw Silverware At Me Denethor._**

"Why would I throw silverware at you?"

Silence.

_Moving on..._

The Apartment People are piled into their cars, the same ones in the same car with the same people! Except Galadriel and Haldir and Sam are in the trunk of Denethor's SUV, not Tulip for some unknown reason.

"Are we there yet?" Merry, Pip, Annabel and Kay ask.

"No. And don't ask again." Denethor says, staring at the road.

The hobbits and their dates grin maliciously.

Galadriel and Haldir are whispering in the back, when...

"EEEEWWWW!!!"

Sam jumps an amazing 5 feet, bashes his head on the roof of the car, and lands neatly on the little inch of seat in the last row of the SUV.

"WHAT??" Denethor screams, nearly veering off the road and receiving a nice chorus of car horns from fellow drivers.

"AAA!!" scream the rest of the people in the car whilst (there I go again) Denethor nearly goes suicide driving.

"Galadriel and Haldir are doing something not PG-13!!!" Sam whines. As proof, a shoe flies over the back seat accompanied by something that looks like tights, and something that looks close to a jockstrap.

"Please dear lord tell me that is not a jockstrap." Kay says.

The offending piece of clothing disappears and everyone forgets that moment.

"My god, you two in the trunk, can't you wait!! This is a car, not a dumpster or a hovel or anything that you'd do that kind of stuff in!!!" Denethor screams, again nearly going off the road again.

Galadriel and Haldir look up from the trunk. Galadriel's makeup is runny and Haldir's hair is disheveled.

"What?" They ask, putting on the innocent act.

"That's not working. Shut up and separate. Five feet apart at all times." Denethor orders.

Everyone is quiet until...

"Are we there yet?"

"GAH!!!"

_Meanwhile, in Frodo's Van..._

"Ok, let's all sing..." Frodo starts.

"'Without me'!!" Tina says.

"NO!!! Can't we sing 'Stacey's Mom'?" Elrond yells.

"Stacey's mom has got it going on..." Eomer sings.

"Not that song!!" Frodo yells.

"How bout this?" Tina says, putting in Linkin Park.

"This sounds rap-y..." Elrond says cautiously.

"Shut up and enjoy the music!!" Everyone in the van yells.

_Meanwhile, with a Tired Mary and a Sugar-High Faramir..._

"Are we there yet?" Faramir asks, looking sugar high and excited.

"No." Mary replies, looking at the road.

"Where are we going?"

"Wal-Mart."

"Is that a store?"

"Yep."

"Are we gonna buy stuff?"

"Yep."

"Like what?"

"CDs."

"Anything else?"

"Clothes."

"Anything else?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Yep."

The car become eerily quiet and Mary looks at the road and drives a bit faster, zooming along the empty road.

"Mary?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm hungry."

"You just ate!!!"

"That was two hours ago!!"

"Dear sweet Eru, can't you wait? We can go to Panda Express after we shop!"

"Panda Express?"

"It's yummy."

"But I'm hungry now!!"

"Then have some Planter's Trail Mix!"

"Fine!" Faramir says, reaching into the storage area and eating a massive bag of trail mix.

_Meanwhile, where Breck and Boromir are..._

"Ok, let's try again..."

The two break into a rousing chorus of 'Amore' by Dean Martin.

"Wow, Boromir, for once you were on key!"

"I know. It's all thanks to you."

Breck goes a lovely shade of red.

"Are you blushing?"

"No." Breck says, going even redder if humanly possible.

"Because you're cute when you blush."

Breck blushes even redder, going the shade of a ripe tomato.

"I hope that Wal-Mart's close!" Breck says.

"THERE IT IS!!"

"WHERE??"

"THERE!!!"

And lo and behold, there stands the Wal-Mart!

* * *

A/N: Check back for the exciting conclusion to shopping at Wal-Mart, coming soon to a Computer near you!!!


	22. More WalMart Weirdness!

A/N: Here it is, the great 'Shopping at Wal-Mart' chapter!! Ok, if you like Legolas (who would, eh?) then you are going to take offense (not too much, I hope) at the one part of this chapter, but I have Gondor on my side and we can smite all your little Elves any day!!! BOO-YAH!! Man, it really felt good to say that! And that part about me in my car driving where Faramir's playing 20 questions, that's me driving. I don't talk, except for one-word sentences. Yep, that's the happy life of Pi. I mean me. And PopcornLeader, your review confuzeled me. It's simply too early. Did it not show up or something? Oh, well, off to go check it our... Ok, carrying on, here it is...

* * *

**_Chapter Twenty-Two: Shopping at Wal-Mart_**

_Before everyone's in Wal-Mart, in Aragorn's Honda..._

"I've never been to Wal-Mart! I hear they have everything there! Like soundtracks from all the musicals ever made! They've got a restaurant, too! They've got everything! Even a whole wall of TVs! They have their own garden center, as well! Did I mention an optometric center? And a car service area? You really should get this car looked at, dear; it seems to have a cough. And we can get clothes that match! You can get those boxers with 'Hott' on them! This is so cool!!!!" Arwen says, very fastly and rapidly.

Aragorn is just staring at the road and gripping the wheel tightly so as not to strangle Arwen.

"I just can't wait! I hear I can get that fancy purple outfit from that one dream you had! You know, that nightgown or whatever it was? Ohmigod, that's perfect!! They've got everything!! Ohmigod, this is so cool! It's just like a mall, only better!!! Totally!!!!!!!!!!!" Arwen continues.

"Will someone please shut her up?" Aragorn asks the road, very quietly so Arwen won't hear.

"Like, isn't this great? They've got everything!! Just everything ever made by anyone who's anyone!!" Arwen says. She really likes to stress the point that 'they've got everything!'

"And thank Eru we're there!" Aragorn says, pulling into the lot.

_Actually in Wal-Mart..._

"Ok, let's get a basket and SHOP!!!" Denethor screams.

Everyone makes a mad dash to get a basket or shopping cart, resulting in the Men from LotR having one, the ladies having another, and Legolas having his own because (you pick) a) he doesn't fit in the above two groups or b) he would fill the cart with useless junk that men don't want.

"I'm hitting care and beauty, y'all!" Legolas says, heading off in that direction.

Mary runs for the CDs and instantly becomes lost in the sample headphones and listening to Nirvana. (Yep, more classic me!)

All the ladies go pick out whatever they want, and all the LotR people, minus Arwen, go on to shop for whatever.

_Shopping with Legolas..._

"OHMIGOD!! Sheer blonde conditioner! Neutral lipstick! Hair straightener!! Eyebrow tweezers! Mascara! Colored contacts! Nail topcoat!" Legolas screams, rapidly filling his cart.

"Is he, like, not straight?" Asks Random Blonde #1.

"I have, like, no idea." Answers RB #2. (RB, random blonde...)

"Like, he's got, like, such a, like, cool taste, like, in all, like, the newest, like, contemporary fashions, like!" Says RB #3.

"OHMIGOD, THERE HE IS!!!" Scream Leggy Fan girls 1-3.

"EEP!!!" Legolas screams, tearing out of the Beauty section as fast as his legs can carry him.

"Like, come on!!" says LF (Leggy fan) 1.

Soon, a horrified Legolas and his mob of fans are running down the aisles of Wal-Mart, knocking over tiny old ladies and scaring the children.

_Shopping With the Guys..._

"Dude, is this store not the best?" Sam asks.

This is what their cart looks like: clothes, jewelry, shoes, pet food, toys, electronics, sporting goods, blankets, and, of course, food and lots of it. Talk about your shopaholics!

"Remind me, Aragorn, why the hell did you buy a fancy purple nightgown?" Boromir asks.

"For Arwen...and remind me why you bought a leather 1 piece suit for ladies?" Aragorn asks pointedly. Ok, this isn't a bathing suit, it's like a cat suit or whatever those things are called, like overalls but they have sleeves...yeah...

"For my date! And perhaps we should ask Faramir why he bought a black satin sleeveless dress?" Boromir asks pointedly.

"For my date! And perhaps we should ask Frodo why he bought a pink silk dress?" Faramir asks.

"For my date! And maybe we should all ask Denethor why he got a wedding dress?" Frodo says. I didn't know you could get wedding dresses at Wal-Mart!

"For my fiancée!" Denethor replies.

"Ooh, fiancée!" everyone says.

"Right, you're getting married!" Aragorn says sarcastically.

"That's corking." Faramir says.

"Right, what new mom are we on?" Boromir asks.

"I think...19?"

"Yeah, that's about right."

"Yeah, as if, I was only married once! Your real mom, remember?" Denethor says.

"Right, all those other ladies were candidates in 'who can marry Denethor next? The Game show'." Boromir says.

"But he never married any of them. They were all too scared of fire or something." Faramir says.

"You were such a player, dad!" Boromir says.

"Oh, shut up! I loved your mom, ok! And I love my fiancée!" Denethor screams, walking off and looking upset and hiding in the sporting good aisle.

"Let's hope you love your fiancée!!" Boromir yells after his dad.

"That's sad...can't even face the truth, can he?" Pippin asks.

"Not entirely."

"Couldn't even believe you were dead, right, Boromir?"

"Correct."

"That's sad."

"I know."

And so ended shopping at Wal-Mart! Stay tuned for the next chapter, entitled... How You Don't Want Your Wedding To Turn Out: Explained in Dream Format!

* * *

A/N: There we have it...check back soon...as soon as Orliey reviews...review, Orliet!! Then the dream can happen...hahahahah!!!


	23. A Really Weird Dream Wedding!

A/N: Much thanks to my friends for helping with the ideas in this chapter, however, most belong to me! So, here's the chapter! Enjoy, enjoy!! Keep in mind this is all a dream...not real...yet...muahahah! Hooray! On a nicer note, we have found Theoden and Gollum dates! So I think Celeborn is still single, if some blonde-elf fancier would like to claim him, and then everyone has a date! LightElf 99 gets Gollum and Dark Borg Drone (DBD, I'm so lazy..) gets Theoden!! YAY!!

* * *

**_Chapter Twenty-Three: How You Don't Want Your Wedding To Denethor To Go..._**

So everyone is in Vegas and it's 11:30 PM. The conference hall at the local Holiday Inn is decorated nicely, with nice white ribbons, although Mary, Merry, Faramir, and Pippin pushed for black ribbons. Oh, well. So everyone is kind of milling about the hall, except for a few select people in the back rooms...

_Bridal Party!!!_

"Are you sure about this??" Tina asks, looking at a dress submerged in black liquid.

"Have I ever steered you wrong??" Annabel asks, stirring the mixture with a baseball bat. Yes, this is the infamous pink dress going black!!

"EEP! Where's the stupid lipstick???" Kay asks. "There!" She says, picking up the tube and running out of the room with a camera.

"G chord...F chord...B minor chord...da na na na na na!!!!" Mary says, totally oblivious to everyone else and listening to music very loudly on headphones.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!" Orliey says.

"I can't believe you talked me into this! You're so dead!!" Eowyn says, adjusting a frilly pink dress.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Someone outside of the room screams.

_Groom Party Thing!!_

Ok, so now all the men (Is Legolas a man? The question of the century! Hahaha...) are sitting around and looking pale as death and scared. Boromir is even shaking slightly and Frodo is experiencing severe stomachache.

"What time is it?"

"You asked that five minutes ago, Legolas."

"Sorry."

Silence once more, then...

"Pippin!"

"What?"

"Did you just burp?"

"It had to come out!!"

"Did you eat that fifth bean burrito?"

"No, I believe Frodo had it!"

"How many did you eat, Frodo?"

Everyone turns to look at Frodo, who is green in the face and rocking back and forth holding his stomach.

"I...ate...twenty." Frodo moans.

Denethor is pacing around the small room and muttering something in gibberish.

"What? You want me to be the best man?" Boromir yells, looking at the printed up wedding book thing.

"Mutterl givmne sheek." Denethor says.

"I can't understand your private little language, dad." Faramir says.

"I said, 'Well, at least it's not your brother.'" Denethor says.

"Really?"

"Sure as the sky is blue."

"Thanks. I always feel wanted in this family." Faramir says sarcastically.

Suddenly, a knock is heard at the door!

"Hey, Leggy, I've got your makeup!" Someone outside calls.

"Great!" Legolas says, running towards the door.

Legolas opens the door, and there is Kay! She tosses the lipstick at Legolas's face and it leaves a nice red blotch. She then quickly snaps a picture as Legolas stands there dumbstruck and runs away cackling.

"What just happened?" Sam asks.

_Later, at the actual wedding..._

Everyone is seated in their nice little white wood folding chairs. Mary and her little band, a drummer, bass guitarist and a singer (nope, no singing for me) are tuning up. Mary is wearing a black leather jacket, a white shirt under that, and a plaid miniskirt with knee-high black leather boots with 3 inch heels.

Suddenly, Mary's band, MLB, starts to play some rock music. Down the aisle come the bridesmaids, which are most girls from the Apartments. Arwen, the maid of honor, comes next, followed by Eowyn in a pink dress, looking not too happy, who gets laughs from most in the audience except Grima who thinks he's still got a chance with her.

Then Frodo, the Ringbearer (Ha! He's the Ringbearer...get it??). At the alter is Denethor and Boromir, the best man, and the master of ceremonies, Elrond.

Suddenly, everyone stands up. Down the aisle comes Orliey in a purple gown. Everyone looks perplexed.

"Shouldn't she be in white?" Grima asks.

"Shut up!" Theoden says, punching him in the chest.

Denethor looks a bit confused but shakes his head. Eventually Orliey reaches the alter and everyone sits down.

Elrond, not being one to waste time, cuts to the chase.

"Ok, dude, Denethor, do you take—what's your name?—oh, yeah! Orliey! Do you take Orliey to be your wife or whatever the term is?"

"Sure...yes...whatever..."

"Ok, then. Do you, Orliey take..."

But Elrond gets cut off by an opening door. A person runs down the aisle quickly.

"Orliey, we're late!" The person, none other than Elijah Wood, says.

"Late?" Orliey asks.

"Yeah! We were supposed to get married 2 days ago!" Elijah says.

"Right!" Orliey says.

"What...but...huh?" Denethor says. "Figme nee?" More gibberish.

"Oh I'm so sorry, but I have a previous commitment!" Orliey says.

She runs out the door with Elijah making everyone look rather confused.

"Does this mean I'm not the best man?" Boromir asks.

* * *

A/N: There it was! The weird dream! Sorry, had to put it in! Look for more soon! Like really soon!


	24. Going to Florida

A/N: Ok, we're back! YAHOO! Er, everyone in the Retirement is now in...Florida!! Go Florida. Enjoy, ok?

* * *

**_Chapter Twenty-Four: Going to Florida!!_**

"Hey, everyone, let's take a vacation!"

"Where, Sam?"

"Er...Florida?"

"Where the heck is Florida?" Boromir asks.

"In the Real World."

"GASP!!"

"The...the real world?" Denethor whispers, going pale.

"Yeah! It's a big tourist place, so there's bound to be people like us, right?"

Blank stare.

"Right, guys?"

"Er, I really don't think so. I mean, how many people do you know that walk around like us?" Frodo asks.

"Er..."

"See? There's no one out there like us."

"Well, that's not true..."

"Sam, please. No one walks around in long dresses with sleeves that touch the ground! I don't even want to and I have to!" Arwen says.

"Surely you don't have to..."

"Yeah? Well it's in the script..."

"So what about the script?"

"Sam, it's the immortal script. You can't go against it or deny it." Mary says, looking up from _Guitar World_.

"Well? I'll be the first one that does!!"

"Tolkien Enterprises is going to sue you." Mary says, reading her magazine.

"No they're not!!"

"Yes they are!!"

"Are not!!"

"Are too!"

"ARE NOT!!"

"ARE TOO!!"

"STOP!!"

Silence.

"Sam, we're going to Florida. Mary, stop picking fights with people two feet shorter than you." Boromir says.

"Whatever, Bor-o-mir." Mary says in a bored voice, accenting his name.

"Anyway, everyone pack up the cars because we're going!!!" Boromir yells, causing the very earth to shake.

_In the Parking Garage..._

"Please let me come with you!" Kay begs.

"I can't! There's only two seats!" Mary says.

"Can't I drive your car?" Pippin asks.

"YOU?? I think I'd like my car in one piece..." Mary says.

"Oh, come on, Mary, you can let him drive it." Faramir says.

"How bout this? We'll it drive as far as Virginia, then you guys can drive to Florida." Mary says.

"That works!"

"Ha, then you have to sit with Denethor!"

"So?"

_Meanwhile, by Boromir's Car..._

"Please??"

"NO!"

"Pretty please??"

"NO!!"

"Pretty please with sugar and cherries?"

"NO!!!"

"Oh, come on Bori, can't you let them have a drive?" Breck says, giving him the famed 'pretty please' eyes.

"Please?" Haldir asks.

"Why?" Boromir asks.

"Because." Galadriel pouts.

"Fine. But only as far as Virginia!" Boromir says.

"Great! Finally, we get to be away from Denethor!"

"GREAT!"

Frodo's van is staying the same, as is Aragorn's Honda.

"Ok, ready?" Denethor says.

"Why not?" Frodo yells.

"Check!" Mary says, ready to drive out.

"Take care of my baby!" Boromir yells to Haldir.

"We will!" Haldir says.

Everyone pulls out and the drive to Florida begins!

* * *

A/N: Well, here we all go on a wild trip to Florida! And the apartment is located somewhere in the North, like a small, uncharted Island called Middle Earth that is somehow accessible to the mainland, but no one from the mainland can go on the island except the few of us! Somehow. Whatever.


	25. On the Road to Florida

A/N: On we go to Florida. Yay for Florida!! Beach, Disney World (or Land?) Ice Cream and whatever else they have down there!

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty-Five: On the Road Again!**_

The Group pulls into a gas station somewhere in Massachusetts. Everyone gets out of their car. And Pippin whispers something to Kay, who shakes her head and laughs.

Mary literally falls out of her car and lands sitting on the pavement. Faramir is sleeping and opens the door, falling out not too gracefully onto the pavement.

Everyone in Denethor's SUV jump out and maul the bathrooms. Literally.

Mary runs inside and buys tea, chocolate, and anything else that might contain caffeine.

Frodo's van pulls up, everyone looking cheery except Elrond.

Suddenly, Pippin and Kay jump into Mary's Vette, and lock the doors. Faramir is suddenly awake and screams bloody murder, getting looks from everyone else in the gas station and sending Mary out of the shop, her hands loaded with caffeine in many forms.

"What?" She asks.

"Them!!!" Faramir says, indicating her car.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" She wails, looking at Pippin, who cackles and Kay, who shrugs.

"Damn it, now we have to ride with your dad." Mary says.

So now Mary and Faramir are riding with Boromir, Breck, Sam, Tulip, Orliey, and Denethor (and anyone else in that car...).

Frodo's van stays the same, although Elrond wants out.

Pippin and Kay are now in control of Mary's Vette, and Mary is having a mental breakdown.

Galadriel and Haldir are too busy making out to notice that they're the last ones out of the lot.

Aragorn and Arwen are yelling at each other like there's no tomorrow.

And the drive continues.

_In Denethor's SUV..._

"Hey! Can't you slow down? I want to live!!!" Mary yells, gripping her seat tightly.

"That's nice, coming from Miss Eighty-In-A-Twenty-Limit-Zone." Denethor snaps.

"Yeah, well at least I have control of my car!" Mary yells, watching as Denethor swerves into the other lanes.

"Hey, dad, maybe you should slow down..." Boromir says.

"Yeah, coming from Mr. Street Racer..."

"Oh, shut up, dad, your sarcasm is stupid."

Denethor promptly shuts up.

"Ok, let's play a game!" Orliey says.

"Er...how bout the game 'How d'you want to die?'" Mary suggests.

"How's that played?"

"I dunno, I made it up." She says.

"Ok, how bout I spy?"

"Ok, let me start! I spy someone who's a bit of a pyromaniac and likes to burn his sons alive!" Mary says.

"Hey, is that me?" Denethor asks.

_Meanwhile, in Frodo's Van..._

"I love my new black dress, Frodo! I never knew silk dyed so well!" Tina says.

"You're welcome, Tina! I love you!"

"Ah, can't we sing a song?" Eomer asks.

"This might be the death of me so everyone come follow me..."

"NO!!!!!" Elrond screams.

"Da na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na!" someone hums the famous last line of 'Without Me'.

"NO! STOP THE RAP!!!"

"Sorry, Mr. Anti-Rap."

"Damn Straight."

"Ok, anyway, let's listen to this..."

And Hillary Duff fills the car.

_Meanwhile, with Pippin..._

"HA!! We got her car! We got her car!" Kay and Pippin sing, bouncing around and ruining the leather interior.

"SHIT!! Spilled my pop..." Pippin says.

"Aw, Mary's gonna kill us..."

"So?" Pippin asks.

_With Galadriel and Haldir..._

"Hey, I wonder if this hotel place is nice...."

"Yeah...maybe they've got some fine dining!"

"Oh, Haldir, you're so romantic!!"

"I know."

_Meanwhile, with Aragorn and Arwen..._

"I DO NOT DRIVE LIKE A GRANDMA!!!" Arwen screams. She is going about 15 MPH in a 70 MPH zone.

"YO DO SO!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!"

"AT LEAST I'M SAFE!!! YOU NEARLY GOT US IN AN ACCIDENT!!!" Arwen yells back.

"DID NOT!!"

"DID SO!!!!!"

"DID NOT!!!"

"DID SO!!!"

And after some more pointless yelling and crap, a slight modification was at hand.

"Hey, maybe we should stop fighting."

"WHAT? Aragorn, are you ill?"

"No...I just think that since we're together for all eternity, we should stop."

"But you're mortal! You have to die soon!"

"Oh, counting down the days till my death, huh?"

"NO!"

"I always knew you like that Celeborn fellow."

"WHAT? Aragorn, he's my GRANDFATHER!!"

"So? And you're my stepsister. Weirder things have happened!"

"Like?"

"That guy that married his thirteen year old cousin?"

"WHAT?"

"Arwen, I'm not kidding. And what about...gawd, what's his face..."

"Thinking block?"

"Hey, it's serious."

Aragorn goes on to pondering about whoever his face is, until finally...

"AHA! All those Kings of Egypt, they all married their SISTERS! Ok? HALF SISTER is NOTHING!"

"Aragorn, how on earth did Egypt get into this?"

"Well, ancient Egypt at least..."

"So? Aragorn, even if you'd die, I'd be cast into an eternal realm of sorrow."

"Yeah, that or cast into another man's arms." Aragorn replies sarcastically.

And so they continue on, the hopes of reaching Florida in three chapters looming on their brains.

"What's a chapter?"

"Shut UP Denethor."

* * *

A/N: Ok, review, puh-lease! School is getting me down, it just is. Oh, well. Look! Cookies! AHAHA!! SUGAR!! Er, see, whenever I have school, I get sugar high...I suppose. Now, class, let's review this brilliant piece of work.


	26. Misadventures on the Road to Florida

A/N: Here we are in good ol' wherever. Somewhere in wherever.... Ok. We're in South Carolina. I suppose.

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty-Six: On the Road Again...**_

_In Denethor's SUV..._

"We're on the road again.... We're on the road again..." Denethor sings.

"Uh, Denny, you've been singing the same line of the same song for the LAST TWELVE HOURS!!!" Mary yells.

"HEY! I CAN'T DRIVE WHEN Y'ALL ARE SCREAMING!!" Denethor yells.

"YEAH, SO SHUT UP!!!" Boromir screams.

Er, for references, Sam and Tulip have decided to abandon the SUV for the safety of Frodo's Van, now filled to bursting. So now it's Denethor, Orliey, Boromir, Breck, Faramir, and Mary. AKA the Really Happy Family.

"Why are we all yelling?" Faramir asks.

"I know. Maybe we all should SHUT UP!!" Breck yells.

"Oh, Canada, we rest on God to Thee!!" Denethor yells.

"That was random." Mary says.

"Like you singing Linkin Park wasn't, Mary." Denethor says.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Mary smirks.

"Yeah, shut up." Boromir says, sleeping.

"How can you sleep?" Mary asks.

"On the road again...I can't wait to get on the road again..."

"YAY! We've moved on to verse two!" Faramir yells.

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING???" Orliey screams.

"I KNOW!!" Mary screams.

"THIS IS STUPID!!" Breck yells.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Boromir screams, throwing a pillow at Mary.

"MMPH!" Mary says, getting hit in the face.

"On the road again, I can't wait to get on the road again...."

"No...stop it!!" Faramir yells.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Boromir yells.

"MY EARS!!" Mary screams, covering her ears.

"POPCORN FIGHT!!!" Scream Breck and Orliey, and soon the car is swarmed with little popcorn bits.

_With Pippin and Kay..._

"Hey, where are we?" Pippin asks.

"Look! A sign...welcome to Ohio."

"OHIO!!"

"Hey, aren't we going the wrong way?"

"And I should know how, Kay?"

"I thought we were supposed to be in Florida."

Kay checks the map and looks around, nervously.

"Hey, we're going to wrong way..."

So Pippin pulls a U turn on the deserted stretch of Highway and drives towards Florida.

"Ok, so if we're supposed to be there tonight, we'll have to drive like there's no tomorrow! Let's go!!" Kay yells.

So they zoom off at about 120 MPH (Hey, it's MY Vette and goes as fast as I want!!) in the general direction of Florida.

_Meanwhile, with Galadriel and Haldir..._

"Oh my gosh, we can go to Disney World!!"

"I hate that mouse." Haldir says bitterly.

"Oh, Haldir, don't you remember when we used to sit around and watch Disney movies?" Galadriel asked.

"Yeah, you were babysitting me."

"And you were so cute!"

"I thought I was handsome."

"You're very attractive."

"I am?"

"Haldir, you're so naïve! Of course, you little studmuffin!"

"Well, now that you've called me that..."

"You're a studmuffin. Celeborn was nothing. He wasn't even hot."

"Well, I'm sure if you feel that way..."

"I do!"

"Save it for the hotel room!"

_Meanwhile, with Aragorn and Arwen..._

"Hey! I aced history!" Arwen says.

"Yeah, and I aced Geography!!" Aragorn pouts.

"Aragorn, none of the history books support your claim!"

"Yes they do!!"

"Do not!"

"YES THEY DO!!"

"Aragorn, stop throwing a fit! It's rather unbecoming!"

"What did you just say?"

"Unbecoming! After living with Elrond I thought you'd know that word."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't." Aragorn pouts.

"No need to be upset." Arwen says, looking rather hurt.

"I'm sorry, my love. I just aced geography, you aced history, Elladan aced math, and Elrohir aced Science."

"And Elrond aced being a freak."

"Now now, is that any way to treat your father in law?" Arwen asks.

"If he's Elrond? Yes."

"Aragorn!"

"Sorry."

_With Frodo..._

"Hillary Duff?" Tina yells, popping out the CD and tossing it out the window, where it gets run over.

"NOOO!!" Elrond yells.

"What?" Tina asks, turning around and looking slightly crazed.

"Er...I was just going to say that that was a waste of valuable plastic and other materials..."

"Yeah right!" Eomer chortles.

"Did you just chortle?" Sam asks from the floor.

"I believe so."

"Well fine then."

And everyone gets into a major discussion over who chortled when. And the thought of reaching Florida bordered on everyone's minds...

* * *

A/N: Yeah, it was weird. So what? I really don't care that Frodo's van is really cramped, maybe since half the people there are hobbits, they all fit in. Anyway, free stuff for everyone, like sugar and Swedish meatballs.


	27. Finally in Florida

A/N: Here we are in Good Ole Florida. Hooray. Now, we're going to do some weird stuff and all, but don't panic! Chaos and insanity are the best things in life. And everyone is going to get everyone they wanted later...don't worry, I have plans...hehehe.

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Welcome to Florida!!**_

The group of cars pulls up into the Welcome Center for Florida. Aragorn and Arwen are still yelling at each other, Pippin is attempting to clean Mary's car, and Boromir and Mary are yelling at each other at the top of their lungs about something.

"IS NOT!!"

"IS TOO!!"

"This is old!!" Denethor moans.

"WHAT?" Mary and Boromir scream at Denethor.

"GAH! All this fighting! It's stupid!" Orliey says.

"I'm sorry..." Mary says, very sincerely.

"Really?"

"NOPE!! I HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED!!!" Mary screams, running into the center like a madman.

"Is she sane?" Denethor asks. "I'm not so sure I want you to date a psycho."

"She's not psycho, she's...ah...unique."

"Yeah, and I'm nice." Denethor says.

"Yeah, but you are!" Orliey says.

"HAHAA!!!! I got travel info!!!" Mary yells, running back to the car.

"Good!" Boromir says. "You're useful for something."

With that, Mary jumps at Boromir and starts to punch him, very hard, just like she punched that stupid football player.

"Eep! BORI!!!" Breck screams, trying to pull Mary off her beloved.

"MARY!!" Faramir yells, jumping in.

"My firstborn!!" Denethor screams, jumping into the pile.

"DIE!!!" Mary yells, pounding Boromir.

"STOP STOP STOP!!" Breck moans, hitting Mary.

"NOOO! DON'T TOUCH!!" Faramir whines.

"STOP it, GIRL!!" Denethor yells, pulling Mary's arm.

"AII!! MY ARM!!!" Mary moans, as a loud crack is heard.

"Was that..."

"Did she just..."

"OHMIGOD you BROKE my ARM!" Mary screams, yelling.

"Sorry?"

"YOU'RE NOT SORRY!!" Mary screams, kicking Denethor.

_A few hours later..._

Everyone is at the Hotel, Sparkling Waters Orlando, and settling into their rooms. Everyone bought the deluxe suite, which will set them back about 200 grand.

"Oh, no. Please no!!" Mary and Boromir (Can't they get along? NO!!) scream.

"What?" Breck and Faramir ask, running over.

"WE...we...WE GOT THE SAME ROOM!!!"

"OH MY HOLY VALAR!!!"

"That's not right..." Breck says, looking at the cards. "Oh, wait, yes it is."

"I am NOT sharing a room with HIM!" Mary says, pointing at Boromir, whilst Boromir says, "I am NOT sharing a room with HER!"

"Well, maybe we can work this out...logically and without yelling?"

"It's not possible!!" Denethor yells.

"What?"

"Is this room 104?"

"Yes."

"NO!!!" Galadriel yells.

"Oh, no, tell me we're not all sharing the same room..."

But unfortunately it was true...and so a new bit of insanity happened.

_20 minutes later..._

After everyone found out they were to share one room, and some others to share another, this is how it went:

Boromir, Breck, Faramir, Mary, Denethor, Orliey, Pippin, Kay, Galadriel, and Haldir were to share 104.

Frodo, Tina, Annabel, Merry, Aragorn, Arwen, Legolas, Eomer, and everyone else were jammed into room 105.

"This stinks!" Mary says, tossing her duffel bag onto a small bed. There are 5 in the room.

"Hey, if there's only 5 beds and...10 people..." Galadriel says.

"NO!!!" Everyone else yells.

"I'm sleeping on the couch!" Mary yells, grabbing the couch.

"Darn it! I wanted the couch!" Boromir says.

"HEY! A walk in liquor cabinet!" Breck says.

"HEY!" Boromir runs over to investigate.

"I call the chair!" Haldir says.

"I get the bed!" Denethor whines.

"Me, too! I get this one!" Faramir says.

"I call the bed!" Galadriel says.

"Are all the beds taken?" Pippin asks.

"One left...right? No, two." Mary says.

Pippin and Kay quickly claim the last two beds.

Everyone is settled in their rooms, when Galadriel and Haldir get an idea.

_5 minutes later... _

"Ok, let's go." Haldir whispers.

"HEY!!" Galadriel says, pounding on the door of room 105.

"Yes?" Tina asks, opening the door.

"Can we switch with you? Please?" Galadriel begs.

"We'll do anything!" Haldir says desperately.

"Lemme ask Frodo." Tina says, yelling at Frodo to get over here.

"Yees?"

"Switch rooms with us!"

"We'll do anything?"

"Anything, Haldir?"

"Yep, anything!!"

"Fine! Do the funky chicken in a thong and sing the Macarena." Frodo says.

"Not that!" Haldir says.

"Fine. Just let us get out of the room..." Tina says, as they pack up.

"THANK GOD!!" Galadriel screams, running into the other room.

Tina and Frodo walk towards 104, hearing screams and the sound of breaking glass.

"Was that a good idea?

"Er..."

* * *

A/N: Yep! Just review...muahahaha. Denethor's got the best family. I mean, come on, everyone hates everyone else. Not. Anyway, just review. Please! Algebra has kept me from updating! It's all the fault of exponents and open sentences!!


	28. Vacation Plans

A/N: Ok...er...all these people who are asking when am I gonna get so-and-so and you're not on vacation, you're currently wrecking the apartment complex and giving mainlanders a hard time. Enjoy your torture of the innocents with Theoden, Celeborn, and Gollum. You deserve it. I believe Legolas is with you also. I dunno.

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty- Eight: Vacation Plans.**_

_Meanwhile, at Room 104..._

"IS NOT!!! DISNEY WORLD IS NOT FOR LITTLE CHILDREN!!!" Boromir screams.

"YES IT IS!! IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE!!" Mary yells back.

"THERE IS NO PROOF OF THAT!!!" Denethor screams.

"WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS??" Mary asks, holding up a banner saying, "Disney World: Ages 2-10".

"Er..." Faramir says.

"Well, I never!" Tina says.

"WOWZERS!!" Frodo says.

"ER..." say Pippin and Kay.

"This is WRITTEN PROOF that we are TOO OLD for DISNEY WORLD!!!" Mary yells.

"You made that up! It's a fake!!!" Denethor screams.

Mary points at the copyright, © Disney World.

"Dang."

"That plan never works. Remember when you thought my homework was a fake? Then you set it on fire. And then the teacher yelled at me. Wow, dad. You really scarred my life." Boromir says, sniffling.

"Wow. You know, the same thing happened to me." Breck says.

"Really?"

"I think..."

"OH CANADA!!!"

"Can you stop with the Canadian-ness, Denethor?"

"Sorry. CANADA ROCKS!!"

"That it does, man, that it does." Breck says.

"We love the subs!!!" Frodo announces.

"What, Frodo?" Mary asks.

"Quiznos."

"I love their food!" Tina says.

"I hate it. It gives me a headache." Mary says.

"Hey, shouldn't we stay on topic?" Faramir asks.

"Good idea. Let's all go to Disney world!!"

"What about the others?" Breck asks.

"What about them?" Denethor asks, jamming on his bomber jacket.

"RIGHT! They were all sleeping, anyway." Pippin says.

"Fine." Mary says, putting on her black leather trench coat.

"Cool!" Faramir says, putting on a plaid woolly jacket.

"I like cheese." Frodo says, putting on a nice blue windbreaker.

"Ok, let's go!!" So everyone gets in Denethor's SUV.

_Meanwhile, in Room 105..._

"Hey, wanna go to Disney world??" Haldir asks.

"No, I wanted to see Faust at the theatre." Galadriel yawns.

"Why is it always about you?" Merry asks.

"I wanna go Disney World!!!" Arwen pouts.

"I wanna go to the casino!!" Aragorn moans.

"Why don't we see the opera, go to the casino, and then spend tomorrow at Disney world?" Annabel asks.

"Hey, that is a good idea!" Galadriel says.

"Ok, so let's see this opera thing."

So they all load into a rental Club Wagon and ride to the opera house.

_Meanwhile, in Denethor's SUV..._

"This is annoying, Denethor. Can't you drive ON THE ROAD???" Mary asks, looking slightly green.

"Come on, Ms. Ninety-Over-The-Limit, can't you handle it?" Denethor cackles.

"N-n-no! I feel rather..." Frodo says, then hurls over the leather upholstery of the back seat.

"HEY!! You shortstack, I spent more money then that stupid book of yours ever made on those dang seats!!" Denethor screams.

"Sorry...I really shouldn't have eaten that cheese and ham burrito for breakfast..." Frodo moans, as Tina gives him a reassuring hug.

"I have a loverly bunch of coconuts, deedly dee dee, there they are a-standing in a row..." Faramir starts.

"OOH!! I know this!!"

"Big ones, small one, some as big as your head!" Boromir and Faramir sing.

"Wow." Mary says, looking dazed and confused.

"That was beautiful..." Denethor sniffs.

"Sooooo..." Orliey says.

As the group pulls into the Disney World Parking Lot, ($19.95 per person per car) the other group is experiencing some troubles...

* * *

A/N: Ah! An evil cliffie! Sorry, people, it had to be done!! Ok, next time we'll check out the other group. Everyone else not on vacation is currently harassing Grima and throwing stink bombs at Gandy and Sauruman. Aren't you all having fun!!!


	29. Some weird stuff that happens!

A/N: I'm BAAAACK! Yep, here I am! Ok, to clarify, everyone's in jackets because it's September and the hurricanes never happened and it's cold but everyone's happy. Yeah. So, anyway, that's it! Here we go!

* * *

_**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Operas, and Disney World!**_

_With Infamous Group Two..._

"All right, let's get the tickets and get on with our lives." Aragorn moans. They all pile out of the car and into the line.

"I have a migraine! It's shattering my skull!" Galadriel says, fainting into Haldir's arms.

"Don't worry, dear, Haldir's here to help!" Haldir says.

"Oh, thank you my love!" Galadriel says.

"Er..." Arwen says, looking away.

"Ok, we need..." Aragorn pauses to count, "Well, just give us the group tickets."

"Aiiite, sir, anythin' else?" asks a freckled brown haired youth.

"Yeah. Keep the seats as far away from everyone else as you can." Aragorn adds.

"And can my Haldir and I have our own private box?" Galadriel says delicately.

"Sure. Here ya go, ma'am." The youth says, handing the tickets to Galadriel and Haldir, who walk inside.

"Er...we're not with them." Arwen says.

"Ok, sir, you'll be sitting in the first row." The youth says.

"Nope, not gonna work. How about the last row in the last balcony?" Aragorn says.

"Arry, some of us would like to actually see the show." Arwen whispers into his ear.

"Did you just call me Arry?" Aragorn asks.

"Why, yes, Estel, I did!"

"Hey, isn't Estel a girl's name?" Asks the youth.

"...."

"Ok, don't answer. Here, your tickets are in the second row, first floor. Enjoy!" The youth says, as everyone walks in, while Aragorn seriously thinks if Estel is a girl's name.

_With the Denethor Group..._

"Hey, is this line ever gonna move?" Denethor growls, gripping the steering wheel.

"Hey, Faramir, let's start singing!" Mary says.

"Got it!"

"Me, too!" Breck and Boromir say at the same time, then giggle.

"Don't leave us out!" Pippin, Tina, Frodo and Kay say.

"Ok, everyone knows The Song, right?" Mary says.

"Yep!"

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes!_" Mary, Boromir, Faramir, Pippin, Tina, Frodo, Kay and Breck sing.

"Well, at least the guy moved." Denethor says.

"_I know a song that gets on..._"

"Hey, isn't that Gimli working the ticket booth?" Orliey says.

"_Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves..._"

"It is Gimli! Good observation, dear!" Denethor says.

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's..._"

"Hey, let's get into Gimli's line!" Orliey says.

"_This is how it goes..._"

"Yes, but we'll have to cut across three other lines..." Denethor contemplates.

"_Gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves..._"

"So? You do 75 in a 30 MPH zone! You can cut three lines!" Orliey says.

"_Song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes..._"

"I can't concentrate with the loony bin back there!" Denethor whispers.

"_Gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves..._"

"Just think of how happy we'll be in...5 or 10 years." Orliey says.

"_Everybody's nerves and this is how it goes..._"

"Why 5 or 10? Why not 1 or 2?" Denethor asks, putting the pedal to the metal and zooming across 3 lanes to Gimli's.

"_Everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on..._"

"Haven't they stopped yet?" Orliey asks. "And maybe it'll be 1 or 2 years, the sooner the better, right?"

"_I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES_!" The 'loony bin' ends with a bang.

"SHUT UP!!" Denethor yells.

"Hi, welcome to Disney World." Gimli says.

"Gimli?" Denethor asks.

"WHOA! Denny!" Gimli says.

"Hey, what're you doing here?"

"Well, in 2 minutes I have to get over to Snow White's House, I'm the mysteriously hot eight dwarf!" Gimli says.

"Hey, that's a good one! He's a dwarf and playing one of Snow White's Dwarves!!" Pippin says.

Everyone turns around to glare at Pippin.

"What?"

"Look, Gimli, since you work here and know us, can you get us in for free?" Denethor asks.

"Sorry, Denny, but I can't."

"Ok, come on, Gimli, sure you can!" Orliey says.

"Well, no...but I'll give you half off! Ok, everyone in the car except the hobbits are 9.90, and the hobbits are free because they count as children, and children are free on Tuesdays." Gimli says.

"So, we owe...a lot of money." Denethor says, handing over a twenty and zooming away.

"HEY!! This ain't enough money!" Gimli roars, as Denethor blasts out of the gate, breaking the barrier thing and nearly running over a family.

"MIND THE PEDESTRIANS!!" Orliey screams.

"WHAT?" Denethor yells.

"I SAID, MIND THE PEDESTIANS!!"

"WHEEE!!!!" Everyone in the back, which is Mary, Faramir, Frodo, Tina, Breck, Boromir, Pippin, and Kay, scream.

"This isn't a freaking amusement park ride!" Denethor yells.

"AAAAAAA! IT'S THE TYPHOON!!!" Pippin screams.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Everyone else says.

_Meanwhile, with the Opera Group..._

"Ok, Haldir, this is box 123. This is ours!" Galadriel shrieks.

"Oh, wow!"

"Hey, is a private box like the back of a movie theatre and you can make out in it?" Galadriel asks.

"Why must you ask things like that?" Haldir asks.

"Because! Haldir, this is SUPER!" Galadriel shrieks, sounding not unlike a cheerleader.

"If you say so..." Haldir says.

"Wonder where the others are..."

_With Everyone Else..._

"Ok, these are our seats?" Merry asks.

"Ok, everyone sit next to your date!"

"Arry, isn't this super?" Arwen screams.

"Why why why why why???" Aragorn moans.

"Arry! Oh, Arry! ARRY!!" Someone yells.

"DEAR LORD, IT'S NOT..." Everyone screams.

"Hello, Arry, Dear!" Eowyn says, jumping over the seats and into Aragorn's lap.

* * *

A/N: Another cliffie! Ok, it's better for me to write this way, but still! See, everyone's showing up in Florida now! So that means only a few are at the apartment, and we'll see what they do next time... Isn't it exciting??


	30. Adventures with the Disney World Crew

A/N: Hey, everyone! Ok, I'm gonna do this differently. This chapter is gonna focus on the Disney World Crew and their adventures, then the next one is on the Opera Group. Ok? Yeah, this chapter is gonna seem REALLY weird, but this all came to me at Midnight. Do they have goats at Disney World? Maybe, I dunno, I don't care. Anyway, enjoy!!

* * *

**_Chapter Thirty: Adventures with the Disney World Crew_**

_In line for the Tunnel of Love with Faramir, Breck, Boromir, Pippin, Kay and Mary..._

"So remind me why we're going on this??" Boromir asks Mary.

"It was Kay's idea! Don't look at me!" Mary says.

"It'll be soooo romantic!! Oh, look! We're about 20 people away from the ride!" Kay says.

"Great! Not." Boromir says.

"Aww, you're so un-romantic." Breck pouts.

"Sorry." Boromir says, giving her the Famed Puppy Dog Eyes of Guilt.

"Boromir, not the Puppy Dog Eyes of Guilt!" Faramir says, panicked.

"Why not?" Boromir says.

"Aww, who could be mad at a face like that?" Breck says, giving Boromir a quick kiss.

"Bleegh!" Mary says, fake gagging.

"Oh, shut up!" Boromir says.

Suddenly, they're at the front of the line!!

"Wow!" Everyone says.

"Ok, you two come with me!" Says the attendant, a really crabby man named Chuck.

"Wait! I'm not with him!!" Mary says, trying to stop Chuck from putting her on the ride with Boromir.

"Yeah! I'm not with this psycho!" Boromir yells.

"Come on, now, don't deny your affection for each other!" Chuck says.

"Yeah, if affection includes wanting to punch him in the nose I won't deny it!" Mary says.

"Come, come, let's go, don't hold up the line. And kiss, your picture'll be taken in a second."

"WHAT?" The two scream.

They stare at the little heart shaped hut, where Chuck went.

"Ok, kiss!"

Mary smiles at the camera and quickly punches Boromir in the nose.

"OW! Crud monkeys!!"

"Hey! All right, get on the boat!" Chuck says.

He leads the two to a small boat, and pushes them in, Boromir still holding his nose and Mary threatening to blow the whole place up if they don't get her out of the boat.

"Have a nice romance!" Chuck says, sending the two of them down the river in the 'Tunnel of Love'. He then turns back to the line, looking at the four.

"Ok, I take it you and you are together, right?' Chuck says, grabbing Pippin and Breck.

"What? No, actually I'm with abused hottie you just sent down the river." Breck says.

"Kiss for the camera!"

Breck and Pippin stare at the camera in confusion.

"Into the boat, now, there you go."

Breck and Pippin are too confused to say anything to Chuck, who sends them down the river.

"And it must be you two, now, right?" Chuck says, indicating Kay and Faramir.

"Well, no, not really, I'm with the really upset girl you sent off with my brother." Faramir says.

"And I'm with the adorable little short stack called a hobbit." Kay says.

"Oh, well, it's you two now." Chuck says. Kay smiles. She's rather happy with this...sort of...a bit...

"Ok." Kay says, trying to sound upset.

Chuck takes their picture and sends them down the river.

_With Mary and Boromir..._

"I can't believe that (insert cuss here) man put me in the boat with YOU!" Mary screams.

"Well, I'm not that happy about it either!"

"Whatever. This stinks! I was supposed to be on this with your BROTHER! At least it's not your dad." Mary fumes.

"Yeah. You broke my nose, I think."

"Yeah, but you deserved it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

The two keep bickering, their voices rising.

_Meanwhile, with Breck and Pippin..._

"Great. Now everyone's gonna think that I'm some sicko, dating some little 5 year old!" Breck moans.

"But I'm 28!" Pippin protests.

"Yes, but you look five!"

"No I don't!"

"Pippin, the fact that you look 5 and are only 3 foot 8 doesn't help your cause." Breck says.

"Yeah? Well, well...er...uh..."

"Oh, yes?"

"Never mind. Man, you're mean."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"I can't see what Boromir sees in you!"

"Hey! Don't diss the Boromirsky!" (Didn't you call him that once?)

"The what?"

"Boromir, you irritating hobbit!"

"Man, you have anger!"

"Do not!"

_Meanwhile, with Kay and Faramir..._

"You know, I really don't mind being on the boat with you. You're nice, you know?" Kay says. Faramir nods.

"You know, I really think that this is a blessing."

Faramir grunts.

"Are you mad?'

"Mad at Chuck."

"Not at me?"

"Not at you."

"Good. You're nice."

"You already said."

"Oh." The two sit there in silence, staring at the water.

_Meanwhile, with Mary and Boromir..._

"Yeah, right! You know, you're all brawn and no brains and that's why you died!" Mary yells.

"Really? Do I look dead to you?"

"You have a faint greenish tint, you know?"

"Do not! You're really weird, you know?"

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment, weirdo."

"I know! Geeze, do you think I'm an idiot??"

"Well, do you want the truth?"

"SHUT UP!" Mary yells, standing up in the boat.

"Sit down!"

"WHY?"

"This boat's gonna tip!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

Mary starts to jump around in the boat until...

"ARGH!!" Boromir screams.

The two tip out of the boat.

"Now you've done it!!!" Boromir screams, as Mary scrambles back into the boat, laughing all the way.

Boromir has a bit of trouble, but eventually gets in. Finally, a light is seen, signaling the end of the ride.

_Later, after the ride..._

The Tunnel of Love Crew gets out, a sopping Boromir being cuddled by Breck, Mary cackling into Faramir's hand, and Pippin and Kay looking on.

"MMPH! Mmmhp mehm mmss!" Mary says.

"What?" Faramir asks, removing his hand from her mouth, in a worthless attempt to stop her laughing.

"I said, 'let's meet up with everyone else'." Mary says.

The group heads off to find the others, Boromir shivering.

_About 20 minutes later..._

The Tunnel Crew meets up with the others, who are Tina, Frodo, Orliey, and Denethor.

"What have you been doing? You're as wet as...a puddle." Denethor says.

"Mary pushed me off the Tunnel of Love boat." Boromir replies.

"I thought you were with Breck!"

"Blame Chuck. Oh, yeah, Mary broke my nose!" Boromir whines.

"It's fine! It's not gonna be any bigger than it was before!!"

"Hey!" Denethor says.

"Ok, anyway, Denethor has something he wants to show you!" Orliey says.

"Yeah, Mary, come on!"

"Why is it always me?" Mary whines.

Denethor and Mary walk off towards who-knows-where, leaving everyone else behind.

Denethor is walking really fast, dragging Mary along through the crowds until they reach Goaty Goat Pen...

"What? Why on earth are we by a GOAT PEN?" Mary screams.

"Because, I have to ask you something!"

"Ok, the last time anyone asked me something by a goat pen, it didn't turn out good..."

"Whatever, Mary. Anyway, you know how me and Orliey are engaged?"

"WHAT?? She's like, 50 freakin' years younger than you or something! SICKO!!"

"Shut up!! D'you want to get me arrested?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Shut up. Anyway, I was thinking of getting her a goat for our engagement present! Isn't that cool?" Denethor asks.

"A GOAT? You mean a GOAT? That goes BAAAA and...and...a GOAT?" Mary screams.

"Yes, that little one right there, see? With the little splotch of gray? See it?"

"You have NO ROOM for a GOAT!!"

"Yes, Mary, I do!! It's called my ROOM!"

"That you share with BOROMIR!"

"I DO NOT!"

"YOU DO SO!!!"

"FORGET IT! I'm buying Orliey a Goat no matter what!"

* * *

A/N: You know, the tunnel of Love ride was like one I went on. Stupid idiot put me on with my cousin! Well, anyway, now that Orliey's gonna get a goat... Ok, I'm sorry for hurting Boromir, but that's kinda what I did to my cousin...broke his nose... Yeah, good times. Leave me a review, dears!


	31. The Infamous Opera Group

A/N: Here we are with a new and exciting Apartment Show episode. As promised, this focuses on the opera group. Oh, yeah! Eh, yeah...

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-One: The Infamous Opera Group!**_

_With the Slightly-Insane Lady Galadriel and her Lover, Haldir..._

"Haldir, isn't this GREAT?? I can't believe we're actually doing something I want to do! With Celeborn it was always 'Me, Me, Me!!!' What an idiot!" Galadriel says.

"Yes, my lady." Haldir mumbles through his Rasinettes.

"Oh, Haldir, you're so romantic! Rasinettes! Really, you care so much!" Galadriel says.

"Oh? Here, have some!" Haldir mumbles.

"Really?" Galadriel asks.

"Yeah..."

"Celeborn would never share his Rasinettes!" Galadriel says.

"SHH!!" Says Annoyed Opera-Goer 3.

"Sorry!" Galadriel and Haldir say, giggling.

"Hey, Galadriel, want to throw Rasinettes at people?" Haldir whispers.

"Sure!" Galadriel says, as they start....

_Meanwhile, with the Perfectly Sane Others (Merry, Annabel, Aragorn, Arwen, and others...)_

"Eowyn, why are you in my husband's lap?" Arwen asks.

"Oh, this is Aragorn? I though it was that luscious Legolas..." Eowyn says.

"You lie!" Merry says.

"Anyway, got an extra seat?"

"Yeah, Eowyn, go sit next to Annabel down there." Eowyn does so.

"Hey, do you understand this show?" Merry asks.

"No." Aragorn replies sullenly.

"Oh, lighten up!"

"Arwen, for Eru's sake, this show is about a GUY who sells his SOUL to the DEVIL!! You want me to lighten up??" Aragorn yells.

"SHUT UP!" Yell the Opera-Goers.

"Sorry!" Aragorn replies.

Merry then turns to his box of Rasinettes (Everyone loves them!) and scarfs them down.

"Wow. You're a pig." Arwen says.

"Yeah? Well, I've seen you scarf down a whole box of Saltine crackers, Ms. I'm-A-Perfect-Elf!" Merry yells.

"What? When??"

"At your wedding!"

**/Flashback!!/ **

"Hey, Aragorn! Can you hook me up with some wild-'n-crazy Elf chick?" Merry asks.

"Er..."

"Fine, Ar-a-GORN! Be a snob! Jeeze, ever since you became king you've become all hoity-toity!" Merry says, leaving.

"What?" Aragorn says, staring blankly after Merry.

"Wow, man, that was C-R-A-Z-Y!" Elrond says, coming out of a Mosh pit to 'Man in the Box'.

"What? Elrond, what are you doing here?"

"I'm at your wedding! Good riddence to Arwen! I mean, she kept me up till 3:00 AM when she lived with me! Espicially after you went on that quest! It was, 'Ada, is Aragorn all right?', 'Ada, is Estel gonna live?', 'Would I look better in Green or Purple?' And so on!" Elrond says.

"What?" Aragorn asks.

"Uh, Aragorn, are you ok?"

"Huh?" Aragorn asks.

"What?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick..." Aragorn says, passing out.

Elrond shrugs and moves next door to Denethor's Wake. Yeah...

"Hey, Arwen, whatcha doin?" Merry asks.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, Merry, just feeling sorry for myself." Arwen sniffs, picking at a slice of cheesecake.

"Why?" Merry asks. "You married the King of Gondor!"

"I know! It's all wrong! Merry, this can't happen!" Arwen says.

"What?" Merry asks. "But you became mortal for his sake!"

"I know! He wouldn't even buy Saltines for our reception! What a jerk!" Arwen says, tossing the cheesecake at Aragorn, and waking him up.

"What?" Aragorn yells. All the Elves in attendance look at him like he's insane, while the Men have a hearty laugh.

"I mean, all I want for our wedding reception is a nice large 35-pound box of Saltine crackers, but he insists of having Le Rachoisse Croutons and La Femme Brie cheese! And he wouldn't even buy me the Kraft Singles American cheese that I wanted with my crackers! And then he wouldn't buy Miller Light, even though it's the best because he had to buy Bud!" Arwen sobs.

"Poor, poor Arwen, marrying a man who doesn't love her! Here! This is me and Pippin's wedding present, but he went out on a date with some Gondorian woman, so here!" Merry says, presenting her with a large box of Saltine Crackers and a basket of Kraft Cheeses.

"MERRY! You sweet little hobbit! Muah! I love you!" Arwen says, plowing through the box of crackers.

"Don't get sick, now!" Merry says, going off to flirt with an Elf girl.

**/Unflashback!/ **

"What? I never knew you thought that about me, Arwen!" Aragorn says.

"Well, I don't tell you everything!" Arwen says.

"And why not?"

"Nevermind Aragorn!"

The lead Opera Singer Lady starts to sing REALLY high pitched, as Aragorn and Merry start to throw Rasinettes at each other.

"OW!"

"What, Arwen?"

"Stop throwing Rasinettes!"

"We stopped, like, 10 minutes ago!"

"Merry!"

"What?"

"Don't throw those Rasinettes!"

"I'm not!"

Suddenly, a loud giggling is heard from the upper balcony box seats...

"GALADRIEL!!" they all scream, turning around. Galadriel lets out a scream and jumps into Haldir's lap.

"Uh, my lady, why are you in my lap?" Haldir asks.

"Oh, really, I am?" She chuckles, placingher arms around Haldir's neck.

"Uh...."

"Haldir, we have to run."

"Much as I would love to do that, you're in my lap."

"I know. You make a lovely chair."

"I can't tell if I should be flattered or disgusted."

"A little bit of both."

* * *

A/N: Thus ended the Infamous Opera Outing. Next chapter will have the Disney World Crew and some other pointless stuff, like shopping. Yeah!!


	32. Get your goat on!

A/N: We're back! Yes we are, with crazy insanity with the Disney World Crew. Eh, yeah...Anyway, here we are! Live! And in color!

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Two: Trouble in Disney World...**_

"What? What's wrong with a goat?" Denethor asks Mary, who is running around.

"Because it's a GOAT! Don't you get it, you creepy old man?? IT'S A GOAT!!! A GOAT!! GOATS WILL DESTROY YOUR HOME!! THEY EAT EVERYTHING! YOU CAN'T REST WITH A GOAT IN THE HOUSE!!" Mary screams.

"Hey, I'm not creepy!"

"YOU ARE IF YOU WANT A GOAT!!" Mary yells back.

"Anyway, can't you just help me buy that little one? Look at its suffering! Look! Isn't it heartwrenching? Doesn't it make you want to cry?" Denethor asks.

"Oh, now you can detect suffering??" Mary asks.

"Its eyes are mirrors of its pain! Mary, we have to buy that goat for Orliey! She'll be so happy!" Denethor says.

"Why?" Mary asks, falling down.

"Please? What if Faramir got you a goat?"

"I'd eat it!" "MARY!!" 

"Fine! Fine, we'll see if we can buy the goat!" Mary says.

The two walk over to the Keeper of the Goats, a man named Harley.

"Yeah?" Harley asks.

"Uh, my, er, dad, eh, here wants to know if he can purchase a goat for his, er, wedding anniversary present." Mary says.

"Want a goat, old man?" Harley asks.

"Well, I was hoping, I mean..."

"What are you gonna give me if I give you a goat?" 

"The chance to walk away unharmed!" Mary interjects.

"No, actually, 25,000 dollars." Denethor says.

"Frekkin a! That's a lot of money!" Harley says.

"Damn straight." Denethor says.

"All right, hand it over and I'll give you the goat." Harley says.

"Ok, Mary, get the goat." Denethor says, as Mary jumps into the goat pen.

"Eew! I landed in something! EEH! It's SQUISHY! Ahh! This is vile! You're never gonna be forgiven for this, Denny! Just wait until..." Mary says, wandering through the goat pen. "Which one?"

"That one! No, the one next to it! No, the other one!"

"This one?" Mary asks, lifting up a small tiny goat.

"That's it!"

Mary places the goat under her arm and climbs out.

"Here, sir." Denethor says, handing Harley 25,000 dollars...Gondorian Money.

"HEY! You freak! Gimme Money!"

"I did!" Denethor says.

"REAL MONEY!!!" Harley yells as he sets the goats loose on Mary, Denethor, and the little goat. And they're not nice goats. They're goats with red eyes and sharp horns and pointed teeth.

"RUNNNN!!" Mary screams, starting down the way to the group.

"I CAN'T!" Denethor moans. 

"WHAT? Shit!" Mary says, looking around. Then...

"Wait! We'll hijack a golf cart! Get in, old man!" Mary yells, pulling Denethor into the cart.

"What are you---" Denethor asks, but is cut out by the squeal of the tires.

"HOLD ON!!" Mary says, driving recklessly through the streets of Disney World.

"Look out! It's MICKEY!!" Denethor screams, as Mary plows him over.

Mary swerves and hits an old lady, also, and Mickey is pissed so he chases them, along with the goats.

"AAA! Mickey's chasing us!!" Denethor yells as Mary tries to avoid Snow White.

"Too late! Dang it!" Mary says, taking down Snow White as well.

"Who's next?" Denethor asks sarcastically.

"Well, maybe...Aladin!" Mary yells, plowing through the Genie and Aladin.

The golf cart is now running low on fuel, although they don't know it.

"Look! There's Boromir!" Mary yells.

"How can you tell?"

"Ah, because I'm smart?" Mary says. The golf cart arrives at the Group's location, when suddenly...

"Uh, Mary, why are Aladin, the Genie, Snow White, Mickey Mouse, and a herd of goats chasing you and my dad?" Faramir asks.

"Long story." Mary says, rushing the group into a large 10 seat golf cart. They start zipping down the streets.

"Eew! Dad, this goat just left a present on my shoe!" Boromir whines.

"Be thankful it's not your head!" Tina screams.

"What?"

"NEVERMIND!!" Tina yells.

"Sorry."

Tina, Frodo, Kay, Pippin, Mary, Faramir, Boromir, Breck, Denethor and Orliey are now near the entrance/exit, when...

"Shoot! Man, this thing has to run out of gas now??" Mary yells, trying to get the engine to start, as it splutters and dies.

"That's it! We're done for!" Boromir wails.

"Don't worry! We'll die in each other's arms!" Breck says.

"While I admire your romance, NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!" Mary screams.

"Sor-RY!" Breck and Boromir say.

"Start, damn you, start!" Mary says.

"Face it, Mary, it's NOT GONNA START!!" Boromir yells.

"DAMN IT!" Mary screams, as everyone else gets out and Mary kicks it hard with her foot.

"DAMN!" Mary screams, as she crumples to the ground, holding her foot in pain.

"Ah! Is that blood??" Boromir asks, looking at Mary's broken toe.

"Can't...move...lots of...pain." Mary moans.

"Hate to break it to you, but the angry mob is coming!" Denethor shrieks, as the group turns and sees a mob, complete with torches, pitchforks, and Mickey Mouse, the Genie, Aladin, Snow White, Gimli and Gandalf in the lead.

"Is that Gimli?"

"That can't be Gandalf!"

"It is! RUNNNN!!" They group says, as Denethor steals some old lady's crutches and crutches (hee!) out to the parking lot, Breck and Boromir hold hands and run like hell, Mary limps, while holding on to Faramir for support, and Tina carries Frodo so he can get out quicker.

"My toe! My toe my toe my toe!" Mary screams, falling to the ground.

"Eeew! It's dislocated and broken!" Boromir says.

"Hurry! I'll carry you!" Faramir says.

"What? HELL NO!!" Mary says as Faramir picks her up.

"Oww! Boromir, I think I, cough cough, broke my toe as well! Can you carry me?" Breck asks Boromir, clearly faking her illness.

"Pip, I'd love to let you carry me, but I think I'd kill you, so..." Kay says, picking up Pippin and running.

"Ahhh!!" Everyone in the mob screams.

"Oof! Faramir, put me DOWN!" Mary screams.

"But you're injured!" Faramir protests. "It's my Prince of Ithilien-ly duty to carry you!"

"Whatever! Look, the car's right there..."

Suddenly, the Mob sets fire to the Entrance way gate.

"Hey! Breck and Boromir are still in there!"

"CRAP!" Denethor moans.

Suddenly, Boromir and Breck appear out of the rubble (pretend there was an Earthquake or something). Boromir is wearing a white shirt with a low V-neck, that has burn marks from the flames and black leather pants. Breck is wearing a red tango dress (you know, that's frilly with spaghetti straps) with burn marks on it, as well. Like from those romance novel covers, you know?

"Whoa...Boromir!" Pippin says. 

"They made it!"

"Huzzah!"

Boromir carries Breck over to the Crew.

"Why are you dressed like a guy from a really bad romance movie?" Tina asks. 

"Because we were in a scene from one." Boromir explains.

"I got to faint!" Breck says.

"Wow.." Mary says, jumping into the car. Everyone else does so, as well.

* * *

A/N: Next, we'll go fine dining! Review, please!!!


	33. Fine Dining with the Disney World Crew

A/N: I'm back. After an exciting night of cleaning out My Documents, which involved several small disks and lots of yelling and swearing on my part, I've done it. Hooray. And, the Opera Group will get 2 chapters in a row for themselves, and then we'll all meet up later! Whatever, now, on to fine dining!!!

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Three: Fine Dining with the Disney World Crew**_

"So, what to do now?" Boromir asks.

"Er, go to eat?" Frodo asks, as his stomach grumbles.

"I guess." Orliey says.

"Ok, Denethor, to the nearest...er..."

"Ooh! I know!! Let's go to the nearest Mexican place!!"

"Great by me!" Denethor says, smiling and looking like he's got something up that robe's poofy sleeve...

_At Mi Pollo Es Con Fuego..._

"All right, Denny, part of 10, your table is ready!" says Miguel, the host.

"Finally! After 2 hours..."

"Who knew a place like this would have such a wait!" Boromir says.

"Well, you know..."

"Know what?"

"Nevermind."

The group walks in and to their table in the back, near an indoor fountain.

"Wow, sure is snazzy." Pippin says.

"Yeah..."

The group is sits down and starts to talk about their day.

"That was fun! Let's do it again!!" Denethor says.

"WHAT? Get chased by MAD, CRAZY goats?? How about a loud, resounding NO!" Mary yells.

"Oh, don't be a pah!"

"What did you just call me??"

"A PAH!"

"HEY!!" Mary yells, throwing salsa at Denethor.

"ARGH!!!"

"CUT IT OUT!!!" Frodo yells.

"WANNA MAKE ME, LITTLE MAN??" Mary screams at Frodo.

"HEY! Mary, what have I told you about picking fights with people 2 feet shorter than you??" Boromir yells.

"Awww, it's fun!!!"

"MARY!" Boromir screams, causing the table to shake. Mary mutters something about Boromir that makes Faramir snort his Iced Tea out of his nose and onto Frodo.

"ARGH!!"

"Sorry, Frodo..."

"It's all right..." Frodo says.

"I feel so alone!" Pippin yells.

"I love you!" Kay says.

"Aww!"

"Wonder what happens when I touch this candle to my clothes..." Denethor muses.

"Remeber last time?" Faramir shudders.

"Oh, yeah...that was fun!" Denethor reminesces.

"No it wasn't!!!" Faramir says.

"Of course it was!"

"May I take your order?" Asks Bud, the waiter.

"GIVE US A MOMENT!!" Denethor yells.

"Wow...rage!!"

"Oh, shut up!" Denethor mutters.

About 5 minutes later, everyone has decided what they want and Bud comes back to take their order.

"I'll have the carne asada." Denethor says.

"I'll have the chicken frijitas." Frodo says.

"Chicken en mole for me." Boromir orders. (No, it's not mole, it's said like mo-lay.)

"Chicken burrito, please." Orliey orders.

"Pork tostada, please." Tina says.

"Beef chimichanga, please." Breck orders. (Those things are GOOD!)

"Eh, I'll have a cheese enchilada, please." Mary orders.

"I'll have a ham torta." Faramir orders.

"Cheese quesadilla, please." Pippin orders.

"I'll have a beef taco." Kay says.

"Is that all?"

"A side of refried beans, please, extra large!" Frodo says.

"WHY??"

"All right, I'll be back momentarily." Bud says.

So everyone sits down to a nice dinner of Mexican food. Yumm!

"I'm full.." Frodo moans.

"Well, you stuffed your face with re-fried beans..." Mary says.

"Oh, YEAH? Like you didn't stuff your face with TORTILLA CHIPS???"

"I'm SICK of you, FRODO!!" Mary yells back.

"I'm SICK of YOU, MARY!!!" Boromir screams.

"WHO invited YOU into this PRIVATE YELLING MATCH???" Mary and Frodo yell at Boromir.

"So-RRY!"

"You're NOT FORGIVEN!!!" Frodo sceams.

"WHAT'S WITH ALL THE YELLING???" Denethor yells.

"Sorry, MAN!!!" Everyone yells.

"Well, RAAAAH!!"

So now that everyone's done yelling their hearts out at everyone else...

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Frodo moans.

"Well, you ate all those beans!!"

"Beans, beans, they're good for your heart!!" Mary, Faramir, and Pippin sing.

"Mary, do you have to be so immature?" Boromir asks.

"You know what, Boromir? You just don't get it!"

"Get what?"

"SEE!!"

"What?"

"Aha!"

"Can we just leave?" Denethor moans.

So everyone piles into the car and cruises off towards the hotel.

* * *

A/N: Yeah! That's about it. I know there's a lot of yelling, so I'll try to get it more un-yelling-y. Yeah. Drop me a line! Oh, Mi Pollo Es Con Fuego means My Chicken Is On Fire. I learned that. Yeah!


	34. We're Finally Leaving!

A/N: I'm back! Don't you love me? Figured as much. Anyway, we're live at the Hotel!! This one is for both people, because, really, how fun is it to be at an opera? Not very, I can tell you.

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Four: We're WHAT??**_

_With the Infamous Opera Group..._

"Wow, that was winderful! Wasn't that wonderful, Haldir?" Galadriel asks.

"I suppose so...uh, yeah..."

"Wow, let's go home!"

"You mean to the hotel."

"Yes, that!" Galadriel says, fainting. Perhaps she's had a bt too much excitement seeing and opera.

_With the others..._

"Man, that opera was BORING! I mean, it was worse than Elrond's Piano lessons!" Arwen complains.

"Yeah, I know! Who wants to see a play about the devil?" Aragorn moans.

"Not me!"

"Hey, did anyone notice if Eowyn snuck out with us?"Aragorn asks, while casting a scared look behind himself.

"Dear lord, I hope not!" Merry moans.

Everyone piles into the car and drives towards the hotel.

_With the Dieney World Crew..._

"Man, can we go hoooomee?" Frodo whines.

"Man, did you have to eat those beans? I mean, this car SMELLS because of you! I can't believe you, Frodo Baggins!" Denethor yells.

"Boromir, why can't you yell at your dad for yelling at little people? WHY ME??" Mary screams.

"Because it's fun to yell at you! You get so mad!" Boromir says.

"THAT'S IT, BOROMIR! You are going DOWN!"

"See what I mean?" Boromir whispers to Breck.

Mary makes a violent attempt to kill Boromir, but Faramir restrains her.

"Damn it, Faramir!" Mary yells.

"What?"

"Lookee here, we're at the hotel!"

"Yay. Now I don't have to be locked up with Boromir in a car."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Breck says.

"Well, it's all in the eye of the beholder!" Mary says.

"Now, now, ladies, there's enought Boromir for both of you!" Boromir says.

"You know, that's about the most perverted thing I've heard since yesterday."

"Mary!"Denethor says.

"What? Boromir was being a PERVERT!"

"What did you just call me?"

"A PERVERT, you PERVY PERVERTED PERVERT!!!"

"Mary, stop fouling up the car with your obscenities!"

"It's foul enough with YOU IN IT!"

"OOOOOOH! BURN!!!" Say some kids. Lord knows how they got there.

"At least Boromir doesn't like porno." (See what college age kids talk about? See? And 8th graders, because that's what my cousins say all the time!)

"Do you know that for sure?" Boromir asks, raising an eyebrow quizically.

"EEW! STOP BEING PERVERTED!!!!"

"Why did you mention fire and/or burning around my dad? Now we have to go through it all over again!"

"It's ok! I've got a straightjacket!" Pippin says.

"How on earth do you get a straightjacket?" Kay asks.

"Er, because I have to be restrained a lot?"

"Wow..."

"You know, there's something wrong with all of us? I mean, Boromir's a perv, Denethor's a pyro, Pippin's a psycho, Frodo...well, he's a bit weird, and Faramir likes Finding Nemo!" Mary says.

"You said you'd never tell! And if you did, it would be on the day you stopped loving me!" Faramir whines.

"Faramir, you're confusing real life with a famous song."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. And I still love you."

"Thank you."

"Mary, since you're such a fault finder, what's wrong with all you women?" Boromir asks.

"We're all normal, Boromir, you PERV."

"Can you just drop the subject??" Denethor roars.

"Fine, you pyro goat lover!"

"STOP IT!"

So everyone kind of runs inside and goes to their room.

_20 minutes later..._

"All right, people, I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of Florida. All in favor of going home?" Aragorn asks.

Nearly everyone raises their hand.

"Good. We leave tomorrow. Get your car buddies, ok?"

"I CALL MARY'S CONVERTABLE!!!" Pippin yells, as Galadriel yells, "I CALL BOROMIR'S TWO-SEATER!!!"

"NOOOO!! I am NOT RIDING WITH DENETHOR IN THE SUV FROM HELL!!" Mary screams.

"Please, chill!"

"Rarrr, Faramir, rarrrrr." Mary says.

"I call Mr. Frodo's van!" Sam yells.

"DAMN YOU, SAM! Now I have to ride with the crazy bunch!"

"Ha, Mr. Frodo, ha."

"I'll come with you! I'm faithful!" Tina says.

"Wow, Sam, at least someone loves me!"

"Why on earth is everyone a perv? Why?" Mary asks.

"STOP SAYING THAT WORD!!" Denethor yells.

"All right, can we just leave? I'm sick and tired of Florida. And Iget my own car!" Aragorn says.

So everyone decided to leave Florida. Yeah!

* * *

A/N: If you thought this chapter funny beyond compare or disgusting, drop me a line! I'd love to hear from you. And we're all gonna go home! Hooray!!


	35. On the Road to Home

A/N: Here we are with this enjoyable chapter of the Apartment Complex Story. We're on the road to home, so I can't see why you all won't be happy. And, besides, it's a very Special HALLOWEEN WEEK of updates! That's right, folks, I'll update every day from now until Halloween and give you a Halloween themed entry or something....

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Five: On the Road to Home. **_

_In Denethor's SUV..._

"Hooray. I can't wait until we get home, then I can stay as _Far Away _from Boromir as humanly possible." Mary says, shifting in her seat to look out the window.

"Oh, like I'm THAT BAD?" Boromir asks.

"Well, yeah, and you smell like wet dog." Mary says.

"Why does it smell like wet dog in here?" Faramir mumbles in his sleep.

"Well, it's Boromir, for one." Mary says.

"Now, now, he doesn't smell _that_ bad." Breck says.

"Whatever..." Mary says, rolling down the window to get some fresh air.

"I do NOT smell!"

"VAMPIRES!!" Faramir screams, trying to jump out of the seat but being restrained by the seatbelt.

"Dude, you're really scaring me," Denethor says from the front seat.

"Man, I had this really weird dream. I started speaking Latin, then I was dressed in a court jester outfit, and then I was a friar. Tell me, was I ever a friar in a past life?" Faramir says, rubbing his head.

"No. What did you eat before you had a nap?"

"And then I was playing around with dangerous and highly explosive chemicals! Oh, I had a pizza..." Faramir says.

"A _whole _pizza?" Mary asks pointedly.

"Well, maybe most of it..." Faramir says.

"_Most _of it?"

"Uh..."

"Are you _sure?_"

"ALL RIGHT!! I ATE THE WHOLE DAMN PIZZA!! ARE YOU HAPPY?" Faramir screams.

"All right, all right, chill! Man! Besides, you would look very cute in a jester costume!" Mary says.

"Oh, you say that now." Faramir sulks.

"No, really! You'd look cool as a monk, too."

"A FRIAR, Mary!" Faramir says pointedly.

"Sorry. A friar. A very sexy friar."

"You know, friars are men of God."

"But he'd still be sexy in a friar costume."

Boromir gaggs.

"Hey, speaking of costumes, it's nearly Halloween. Are y'all doing anything?" Boromir says.

"I'm sitting on the curb with a large bowl of candy." Denethor says proudly.

"And I'll be there with him." Orliey adds.

"Oh, dressing up, Dad?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna be a groom and she's gonna be a bride." Denethor smugly says.

"Why did I even ask?" Boromir says.

"Well, I'm taking Frodo out trick-or-treating with the other hobbits and their dates." Tina says.

"Are you dressing up?" Frodo says, giving Tina the puppy dog eyes of guilt.

"Well, I was going to go as a princess..."

"COOL, Tina! I'm gonna be a pirate!!!" Frodo says. "We'll look so cute!"

"Uh, sure..."

"Well, I'm dressing up as the grim reaper." Boromir proudly says.

"Don't need a mask, now do you? Your face alone could scare all the little children off the streets." Mary says.

"You're a dead woman, Mary, you're a dead woman." Boromir says.

"Sorry. It was too good a chance to pass up."

"Well, that wasn't even it. I'm going as Van Helsing."

"And I'm going as that girl in Van Helsing." Breck says.

"Wasn't there a love interest there?" Mary asks, raising an eyebrow.

"So? I can't wait to hear what _you're _going as." Boromir says.

"Well, I'm going as the Phantom of the Opera." Faramir says proudly.

"And I'm going as a gothic princess." Mary says.

"Now how on Earth do those two outfits match?" Boromir snickers.

"Well, because the dress looks just like a regular medieval princess dress, and it's black, so I'm just gonna say that I'm the Phantom of the opera's girlfriend or something." Mary says.

"If that's not creative, I don't know what is." Boromir says sarcastically.

"Yeah? Well, at least I'm not some ugly loser." Mary says.

"Once again, Mary, you're just willing to die." Boromir says meancingly.

"You know, you really like to threaten my girlfriend." Faramir says.

"Well, she asks for it, doesn't she?"

"No, not really." Faramir says.

"And what, pray tell, are you going to do about it?"

"Kick your ass."

"I'd like to see that!" Denethor chortles.

"Yeah? Well you know I can!" Faramir says.

"Sit down, we're in a moving car."

_In Frodo's Van..._

"All right, now, let's all sing the Hokey Pokey!" Sam says.

Everyone sings unenergetically, in a boring monotone.

"Come on, now, where's the fun in that?" Sam asks.

"Uh, no offense, but I don't think anyone wants to sing. I mean, all the girls are sleeping..." Elrond says, indicating all the sleeping girls.

"Yeah, and my vocal chords hurt!" Eomer croaks.

"Well, then, we'll all just drive in silence." Sam says, flooring the gas and zooming along.

_In Mary's Corvette..._

"Man, what are we gonna do about the soda??"

"I dunno, Pip, we'll have to tell her!" Kay says frantically.

"Well, you tell her!"

"ME? Was I the one who spilled the soda??"

"No, but you're her friend, and..."

"But you did it!"

"So? You're her friend!"

"You tell her, Pippin! It's not like she's gonna explode from her anger."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

_In Boromir's Car..._

"So, Haldir, what do you want to do?"

"Uh, sleep?"

"Well, you do that."

So Haldir goes to sleep.

So everyone is movin down the road to the Apartment facility. What will Mary do about her car? How is Pippin gonna tell her? And what about Halloween? Find out next time!

* * *

A/N: So, as said, review! And tomorrow's installment will be back at the Apartment. Pretend we just drove really fast or something. Drop me a line!


	36. Candy Buying

A/N: Yay! People picked up on the Faramir dreaming he's a friar thing because he's a Friar in Van Helsing!! ha! Let's all laugh. Anyway, Boromir and Mary fighting is actually based off my life, me and this boy yell at each other every day. So, yeah. Now that you know the Secrets of the Story, here's chapter 36!! I know this got posted late but it's all because the document manager kept going, 'Can't Upload Document'. So let's all pretend. Tomorrow will be the Halloween Special! A bit late, but it's here.

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Six: Happy Candy Buying Day!!**_

The residents at Sunny Acres have just made it back. It is now Friday the day before the day before Halloween and everyone realises something, brought to their attention by the ever-attentive Pippin.

"Holy shite! We need Candy!"

So, after just piling out of the car, some elect to stay behind (Elrond, Eomer, Sam, Merry, Annabel, and their respective dates), some go to get their costumes (Haldir, Galadriel, Aragorn and Arwen) and some decide to go buy the candy (Faramir, Mary, Kay, Pippin, Boromir, Breck, Tina, Frodo, Denethor and Orliey).

So, after jamming everyone into the SUV, the group drives off the the buy-everything-you-need store, Wal-Mart.

"Are we there yet?" Ask Frodo and Pippin.

"No, you little shortstacks, and don't ask again."

"Sorry! Rar."

"So, what candy are we gonna buy? I'm making a list..." Boromir says.

"AND CHECKING IT TWICE!! GONNA FIND OUT WHO'S NAUGHTY AND NICE!!!" Frodo screams.

"Er, sure..."

"And he sees you when your sleeping. How perverted is that?" Mary says.

"Well, Mary, aren't you going to have a nice egg-decorated apartment on Halloween..."

"I would check that shaving cream can, Boromir, it seems to be waiting to be used."

"And then there's always that whip cream can in your mini fridge...."

"And that spray paint can on your dresser..."

"Guys, enough." Pippin says.

"Oh, well, I can always turn Mary's costume a lovely shade of hot pink."

"And your hair is dyeing to be changed to green..."

"Ha, that's a good one, Mary! You're dyeing his hair so it dyeing!! HAAA!" Pippin says.

"Er, yeah..." Mary and Boromir say.

"Anyway, candy please?"

"Ok, sweet tarts."

"Twix! It's all in the mix!" Pippin screams.

"Almond joys!"

"M&M's!!!"

"I think that's good enough, seeing as Denethor and Orliey are the only ones even bothering to give out candy, and everyone else is going trick-or-treating."

"Man, you're a little damper on the parade..."

"So what?"

"Jeeze, chill out!"

"Look!! It's Wal-Mart. Let's just buy the god-forsaken candy."

So they head into Wal-Mart.

"Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart!" says the greeter, Jimmy.

"I don't need your pity! Take it somewhere else!!" Boromir sceams.

"Er..."

So the group walks in and looks around for the candy aisle.

"OOOOH! THERE!! THERE IS THE CANDY!!" Denethor screams.

"Have you taken your medication?"

"Thought not." Orliey says.

"OOOOH!! SWEET TARTS!!!!!" Mary screams, running over to the candy aisle.

"What, Mary?"

"SWEET TARTS!!!!" Mary screams, running over a little child in her frenzied attempt to grab the last 30 or so bags of Sweet Tarts off the Shelf.

"MINE!!!! BACK OFF, YOU SCUMYY KID! YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY SO GO AWAY!!!" Mary yells.

"Wow, that's a bit harsh."

Mary walks back to the cart and deposits the 20 or so (more like 30) bags of Sweet Tarts in the basket.

"How much is all that?"

"Money is no object!"

"Of course it is!"

"But they're only a buck and a quarter each!" Mary protests. "Look! I have all my money right here!"

Mary pulls out a wad of bills.

"This is my addiction money..."

"WHAT?"

"Sweet Tart Addiction."

"Oh."

"Look, let's just get the rest of the candy and leave."

So they all get their candy of choice (like 30 bags worth) and get in the check out line.

_About 15 minutes later..._

"Man, how much Medimusal can one old lady have?"

"Can I help you?" Asks Cindy, the check-out lady.

"Er, yeah, this is all our stuff..." Denethor says.

"All right, sir."

So they load all the candy onto the conveyor belt.

"All right, sir, that'll be...$125.00." Cindy says.

Mary hands over her wad of bills and Denethor hands over his GondorCard Platinum edition.

"Sorry, sir, we don't take Foreign Credit Cards."

"But it's like Visa! It's VISA AND IT'S EVERYWHERE I WANT TO BE!"

"Sorry, sir."  
  
"DAMN IT!!!!!"

"Here." Mary says, handing over her Visa.

Denethor runs around screaming about GondorCard being everywhere he wants to be.

"Thanks, miss." Cindy says, scanning the card.

"Man, is this gonna take forever?" Boromir says.

"Chill out, man!" Mary says.

"Why don't you make me?"

"MY PLEASURE!"

"Stop fighting."

"Sorry."

Soon enough, they are done and back out the door, when...

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! Blares the security alarm.

"Hey you whippersnappers! Stop right there!" Yells an old security guard.

"Uh-oh," Mary says.

"You there! What've you got under your jacket?" Chuck (security man) asks Boromir.

"Who, me? Uh, nothing?"

"Sure you don't sonny."

"Hey! What's this?" Pippin asks.

"Uh, get away from me you...deranged...hobbit...you."

"Hey! What..." Pippin says, as Boromir side steps, but...

"Hey! Look! He tried to steal some soda cans!" Faramir exclaims as about 12 Coca-Cola cans spill out of Boromir's jacket and rattle on the floor.

"I thought he looked a bit chunky..." Mary says.

"Shut up! I did not look chunky!"

"Sure you didn't..." Mary snickers.

"You are so dead it's not funny!"

"Yeah. I'll wait until you get out of jail."

"You can't arrest me!!! I'm the son of the STEWARD!" Boromir screams.

"Fine! But you'll have to pay a fine."

"Ok! How much?"

"Er, 1,000,000 dollars..."

"FINE!" Boromir screams, draging the group out of Wal-Mart and into the SUV.

* * *

A/N: Yeah. Weird. Anyway, Monday will be the trick-or-treating episode. So look for that! Ok? Ok! Review!


	37. Trick or Treat?

A/N: It's the Halloween Special! Featuring random and crazy people trick-or-treating! Shocking! Let's see what happens, shall we? Oh, for you who ask (Kay!!) Mary is going to find out about her ruined car in the next chapter, which is another just there chapters, but it will serve a point!!

Side note: Due to all the reviews with, "Can I have so-and-so??" hotdogfish is going to get CELEBORN

And everyone else can fight it out for Gimli, Saruman, Gandalf, Gollum, Theoden and Grima.

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Seven: The Apartment Costume Special!!**_

Sam, Frodo, Kay, Tina, Pippin, Tulip, and Annabel are all standing outside in the cold, waiting for Merry to get the free trick-or-treat bags at Carson's.

"ARE YOU DONE YET?" Frodo screams.

Merry runs out, handing everone a small bag.

"Here you go...and one for you...and one for you..."

Soon, everyone has their plastic bags. Pippin, Merry, Annabel and Kay have decided to go as the Flintstones, and Sam, and Tulip are going as M&Ms, and Frodo is a pirate looking not unlike Jack Sparow, and Tina is a princess in black, like a Gothic Princess or something. So they all walk around the suburb of Little Waffles, Maine (not a real place) baging on doors and frightening little children.

_Meanwhile, back at the Apartment Complex..._

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What?"

"What the !!!!" Elrond whines, holding up his ruined costume. He was planning to go as Neo from the Matrix.

"What's wrong with it?" Eowyn asks, fully decked out in her army dude costume.

"Well, see, there's this little spot of pop right there..."

"Where?"

"Yeah, I don't see it. You see it, Theoden?" Asks Eomer, who is also going as an army dude.

"Nope." Eomer says, also an army dude.

"Well, that's because you're all IMBICILES!!!" Elrond screams.

"Geeze, don't have a cow!!"

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM, THOU PATRONIZERS OF RAP!!!" Elrond yells.

So they run out.

_At Mary's place..._

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!!!" Mary screams, running around the place in a black dress, the sleeves knocking over just about everything.

"What?" Faramir asks, stepping out of the bathroom, his cape askew and his mask on backwards.

"I LOST THE DAMN SASH FOR THE DAMN DRESS IN THIS DAMN MESS!!" Mary yells, kicking some dirty clothes.

"Calm down. It's all right." Faramir says. "What does it look like?"

"Er, it's red...and...shashy..." Mary says.

"You mean this?" Faramir asks, holding up a long piced of red silk.

"YES!!" Mary says. "Where the hell was it?"

"Er, right on the dresser..."

"Oh." Mary says, running around.

"Is my cape on right?"

"Er...not really..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and the mask is on wrong too."

"Oh." Faramir says, walking back into the bathroom as Mary slips on some high-heels that make her instantly about 6 feet tall, which is a problem when you have a dress with sleeves that reach the floor and knock over everything.

_At Boromir's place..._

"Oooh, look, they actually whirr!" Boromir says, flicking a switch as his little Van Helsing-y whirring blades that spin things, well...whirr.

"That's awesome!" Breck says, picking up a stake.

"Are we all set to go hunt vampires?"

"Of course!"

So they are all set and walk out into the lobby, where everyone decided to meet.

_10 minutes later..._

Everyone is all sitting around in the lobby, Mary playing with the real sword she decided to wear, Boromir nervously holding a cross, Faramir staring at the stairway, Elrond moping about in the corner, and the Rohan group sitting around. Aragorn and Arwen have gone to some snazzy place for dinner, and the Hobbits and their dates have already gone. It seems the only ones not going are Haldir, Legolas, Galadriel, and Celeborn. But that's wrong.

Galadriel and Haldir are already dressed up as Romeo and Juliet, and have already been out for a while.

Denethor and Orliey have been sitting out there for a while with their giant bucket of candy.

So everyone decides to go out. About time!!

Elrond and Kashmir (crazy-haldir-fancier, NFG) have just left, as Trinity and Neo from the Matrix.

So everyone sets out on the Realm of Terror.

_With Breck and Boromir..._

"Look! A house with...are those dollars??" Breck says.

Breck and Boromir run up the steps to the aforementioned house, looking at a bowl of dollars.

"So it is! Heavens to betsy!!" Breck says.

"Let's take it all!"

"All right!"

So they all dump it into the king-sized pillowcase they're using as a trick-or-treat bag. So high class.

"Wait...are you sure we can have all the money?" Breck asks.

"There. That's the end of it."

"Uh, this isn't stealing, is it?"

"Pretty sure it's not..."

So they start to walk off, with about a hundred or so dollars in their candy sack.

_With Mary and Faramir..._

"Trick or treat!!"

"Awwww, aren't you so cute! And what might you be?" asks the elderly lady who opens the door, Aunt Sallie.

"Well, I'm the Phantom of the Opera..." Faramir says.

"And I'm a warrior elf queen." Mary says, revealing her beautiful sword.

"Isn't that nice." Aunt Sallie says.

"Er, trick or treat?"

"Oh, yes!" Sallie says, dropping a large king size bag of candy into each of their pillow cases.

"Er, thanks!" Mary and Faramir say, running to the next house.

_With the Hobbits..._

"Aww, and are these little children so adorable!" Say Marge and Maggie, two 85 year old women.

"Er, well, this one," Tina says, revealing Frodo, "Is actually my boyfriend. And everyone else here is with a little...hobbit...too."

"That's unheard of! What, they must be 3 years old!"

"Well, actually, I'm 50..." Frodo says.

"Wow, for a 50 year old he don't look too bad." Maggie whispers to Marge.

"I heard that! Back off, this hobbit hottie is mine!"Tina says.

"Well, rarrrrr. Have some candy." Marge says, depositing some candy into the pillow cases.

"Thanks!!!!!!" say the Hobbits and their dates, as they walk off.

_With Elrond and Kashmir..._

"Look! Little children! Let's scare them!" Elrond says, as Kashmir laughs maniacly.

"Hey, there, little kiddies! What've you got there?"

"Uh, shaving cream and eggs..."

"And what are you going to do with them?" Elrond asks.

"THROW THEM AT YOUR FACE!!!" They scream, then run away.

"Owww! Egg shell in my eye! EGG SHELL IN MY EYE!!"

"Oh, dear, it's ok!"

"IT BURNS!!! IT STINGS!!! DAMN THOSE KIDS!!!"

"Now, now, Elrondy, don't get mad. Get even!"

"Riiiight." And so Elrond started his eeeeviiiiiiiiil plan...

_Back at The Apartment..._

"I'm so bored! This is the worst halloween ever!" Gimli pouts.

"Can it be because you don't have a girl?" Gandalf muses, smoking his pipe.

"What? Wha...what?"

"Sorry, Gimlio, but he's right...I think. I DON'T HAVE A GIRL EITHER!!!!" Sauruman wails.

"Pullsss yourssself together, preciousss." Gollum hisses, patting Sauruman on the back.

"Are you...hitting on me?"

"Well..."

"EEEW!!!! Slime bag!"

_With Denethor and Orliey..._

"Look! Children!"

"Hello, kiddies!" Denethor says happily.

"Er, yeah, what're you giving away?"

"M&M's, Milky Way, Almond Joys..."

"Can I have a bit of each?" asks a kid.

"Sure. Help yourselves..."

And in a flash, all the candy is gone.

"WHAT? GIVE IT BACK!!!"

"HAAAA, you old loser!"

"What...wha...huh?"

"It's ok, dearest, you've got me."

"I know...hey, let's get married!"

"IN VEGAS!!"

"SO TOTALLY!!! Let's tell the others!!"

* * *

A/N: That's the little added bonus. My appologies for not updating yesterday, but I had a basketball game and then I got sick. In fact, I still am. But here it is, so enjoy!


	38. What? What's happening? It's long and in...

A/N: Hello. I'm back and well alive. Yeah... Anyway, Gollum has found a Date!! Yay someone wants Gollum! You know who you are (Victoria). Oooooooooooooookkkkkk...

Anyway, enjoy te latest installment.

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Eight: "What do you mean, you..." (This statement can be applied in many ways throughout the chapter.)**_

_In the Apartment Complex Lobby..._

"YAY! Sssmeagol hasss lucksss with the ladiesss at lassst!" Gollum says, running through the lobby where Mary is sitting, trying to do her Algebra homework in peace.

"Pipe down!" She yells, tossing a giant book, The TI-84 Plus Edition User and Owner's Manual, which has about 300 pages of technological stuff in it, at Gollum, who goes flying out the door and into Frodo, Sam, and Pippin, who were just about to come in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

Gollum slinks away outside, as the 3 hobbits step inside smiling.

"Hey, Mary!"

"Hey." Mary says, looking confusedly at her Algebra textbook.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Algebra."

"Oh. I'm sure Pippin here can help you. I mean, he's got something to tell you, and us hobbits are good at Math." Frodo says.

"It's not _Math_. It's _Algebra_." Mary says.

"Same thing."

"No it's not, actually."

"Stop being technical, Sam! Who's side are you on?"

"The side of correctness."

"Is that a word?"

"Nevermind. Pippin, why don't you tell Mary the unfortunate situation at hand." Frodo says.

"OH my GOD! It's not Faramir, is it? He didn't die, did he??" Mary says, slamming her Algebra textbook closed.

"No, actually, it's about your car." Sam says quietly.

"OH MY GOD!! Pippin, you didn't blow up my car, did you??" Mary says.

"No! No, it's not _that_ bad..."

"What do you mean, it's not _that _bad?" Mary says.

"See ya later, sucker!" Frodo and Sam say, as they run out at breakneck speed.

"Pippin?" Mary says.

"Well, er.... Hey, about those seats in your car..."

"What about them?"

"Well, I think they're pretty damn cool, so can you tell me about them?"

"Sure. They were custom made in Italy, and they cost 300,000 dollars."

"That's a lot!"

"Yeah, but it's all because I want the best car around."

"Yeah. Well, I was thinking of getting a car, and I wanted seats sort of like those, so I wanted to know the price."

"No problemo."

"Thanks!" Pippin says, scooting out of there.

_A few minutes later..._

"Hey, Faramir! Want to go for a ride?" Mary says.

"Oooh! Sure! We can get food or something!"

"But you just ate!"

"No I didn't! And besides, Boromir was baking cookies."

"Boromir cooks?"

"Well, kind of. I mean, he seems to think that it'll make him look better in the eyes of his love."

"Eew. Mush."

"Yeah."

"So, Boromir made cookies, huh?"

"Yeah, chocolate chip. Except they sort of turned out funny."

"Oh? How so?"

"Like green-ish chip instead of chocolate."

"Eew. And you _ate one?_"

"No!"

"Ok. Get in..."

"Uh, Mary? Maybe you should see this..." Faramir says, stepping away from the car.

"What?" Mary asks, walking over to Faramir's side of the car.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mary says, sinking to her knees as she sees the soda stain on the custom-made Italian leather seats.

"Calm down! Please, Mary! Now, who was the last one in this car? I know you'd never spill soda."

"PIPPIN!!!!!!!!!!!" Mary screams.

"Ok. You know what you do when Pippin ruins your car?" Faramir asks, giving Mary a consoling pat on the back.

"Er...severly hurt Pippin so he can never walk again?"

"No!"

"But the seats were custom-made Italian Leather!!!!" Mary whines.

"No! You _forgive _Pippin. Can you say Forgive?"

"No. That word's not in my vocabulary."

"What about 'Do unto others as you want them to do unto you'?"

"Nope, I go by 'Do unto others before they do unto you' or 'Do unto others as they do unto you'."

"You're hopeless."

"No I'm not!"

"Anyway, It's called FORGIVENESS. If I hurt you, what would you do?"

"You can't hurt me. I'd kick your sorry butt any day."

"No, I mean, like if I cheated on you, what would you do?"

"Er.... I'd cut off something and you'd never be able to have children. Ever."

"Ok, remind me never to cheat on you."

"That and I'd kick your sorry ass."

"You're loving."

"I love you..."

"Ok, yeah. So what are you going to do to Pippin?"

"Hurt him?"

"NO! Mary, what have we just discussed?"

"Making sure you'd never have children with the girl you were cheating on me with?"

"MARY!! FOR THE LOVE OF GONDOR, YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE PIPPIN!!!" Faramir screams.

"Man! I know! I was just messing with your head! It's sooooo funny when you're pissed off!" Mary laughs, running away.

"YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!" Faramir screams.

_In the Hallway near Pippin's room..._

"Pippin!! OPEN THE DOOR!! You're a dead hobbit!" Mary screams, pounding on Pippin's door.

"Yeeees?" Pippin says, opening the door.

"Pippin, you spilled SODA ON MY CUSTOM-MADE ITALIAN LEATHER SEATS!!! HOW COULD YOU???" Mary screams.

"Mary, don't get mad!!" Faramir says, running upon the scene. "Deep, relaxing breaths."

"Hopw about NO? Pippin RUINED my CORVETTE! Insurance ISN'T CHEAP!! THAT CAR, THE SEATS, AND THE INSURANCE WERE MORE MONEY THAN...THAN..." Mary yells, tears coming to her eyes at the thought of high insurance rates, even though insurance has nothing to do with the soda incident.

"I'm sorry, Mary! It was an accident! Sorry! Please don't kill me!!!" Pippin says, quivering in fear.

"It's ok. I forgive you!" Mary says. "But you're helping me par for the cleaners! Cleaning leather ain't cheap!"

"Good job, Mary! Forgiveness feels good!" Faramir says.

"Actually, I'd much rather give him a good punch, but it feels wrong. I mean, he's 2 feet shorter than me."

"Oh, ha ha! Everyone picks on the little guy!"

"I'm not picking on you!"

"Ok, sure..."

"Hey! Just the peoples I wanted to see!" Denethor says, strolling up the hallway with Orliey holding his hand.

"Er, ha ha, hi, Denethor!" Mary says nervously.

"Hey, kid!" Denethor says, a bit too cheerfully.

"Kid? What??"

"Nevermind. You are the 3 people I just wanted to see! And Boromir. Where is he? Oh, there he is!!" Denethor says, as Boromir comes jogging up the hallway.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Oh, there you are!"

"Why is your dad being so cheerful?" Mary whispers to Faramir.

"Anyway, kids and other peoples, Orliey and I have some rather good news!"

"You finally got rid of that goat that's been eating my homework???"

"No, that's not it."

"Then what?"

"Orliey and I are going to get married in a month in Las Vegas!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN VEGAS???" everyone except the fiancees scream.

"Well, we've decided we're ready for this large step."

"What...but...huh?"

"That's....huh?"

"I don't get it."

"I'ms confused."

"Well, you're always confused, Pip, so that's normal. Anyway, I was wondering...Boromir, would you like to be the best man?"

"I'd be honored, I suppose."

"And Faramir, well, you can just be one of the groom's men people. You know, that really don't do anything." Denethor says.

"Oh, thanks." Faramir says sarcastically.

"And Mary can be a bridesmaid. Is that ok?"

"Er, sure."

"And we were thinking that Frodo can be the ringbearer. And Eowyn agreed to be the flower girl."

"WHAT? Eowyn is a flower girl?"

"Er, yeah."

"That's weird."

"And Pippin and any other men can be the groom's men people."

"And any other girls can be bridesmaids."

"Wow. Good luck getting married or whatever. I mean, you know?"

"No, Mary, I don't know."

"We better tell the others, Denny-poo."

"Eew. That's mushy." Mary gags.

"Whatever, Mary." Denethor says, walking away, too obviously in love to care.

"You know, I have a strange feeling this wedding's not going to be your average cake-and-flowers affair." Mary says.

"Yeah, I bet someone's going to totally screw it up. Probably Elrond. He does stuff like that." Boromir says.

"He flushed my teddy-bear down the toilet when we were in Rivendell." Pippin says.

"What?" Everyone says, staring at Pippin, who suddenly feels very, very small.

"I mean, it was Sam's teddy-bear, but I was borrowing it. Legolas stole mine."

"Wow. Did you ever notice how messed up we all are? I mean, Legolas stealing Pippin's teddy-bear and Elrond flushing Sam's? That's just weird."

"I always knew that Elves were missing a few things in the brain department." Mary says.

"Yeah...I mean, when I was in Rivendell, Elrond tried to burn my leather jacket thing. Said it was cruelty to animals."

"His face is cruelty to animals." Pippin says.

"Hey, let's say we burn your dad's robe and then burn Elrond's crazy get-ups. I mean, he looks like he's in a dress!" Mary says.

"Good idea. Man, you've got some good pranks up in there." Boromir says.

"No. Actually, me and Tina are going to burn it. I suppose you can help, if you want or something." Mary shrugs.

"Guess so. So, what Elrond outfit are we gonna burn?"

Suddenly, Tina runs up.

"Hey, people!"

"Hi, Tina! Guess what? In a few day's the five of us are gonna burn Denethor's robe!!!"

"SCORE! Wait...the 5 of us?"

"Yeah. Boromir's gonna cause a distraction, Pippin's gonna steal the robe, Faramir's gonna prepare the pyre, and you and I are gonna burn it!" Mary says happily.

"That rocks! Hobbits are worth something if you want something stolen." Tina muses.

"Got that right!" Pippin beams.

"Can Frodo help out?" Tina asks.

"Fine, but that's it. I mean, six people is a lot to just burn a robe." Boromir muses.

"I guess. It'll be fun! Burning a robe!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Mary says maniacly.

"What are you, a pyro or something?" Boromir asks Mary.

"No, but burning things is fun! Like burning ants with a microscope!!!" Mary says evily.

"Man, Faramir, your girlfriend is a bit crazy."

"I'm not crazy!!! I'M INSANE!!!!" Mary yells, running down the hallway, laughing like a maniac.

"O...k..."

And so the 6 started to plan the great even of the year: burning the robe of Denethor.

* * *

A/N: Ok, that chapter just got weirder and weirder as time progressed. Yiesh. Anyway, I hope you liked it, no matter how crazy it is. And Tina, now we get to burn the robe!!! Muahahaha!!


	39. Stealing a robe

A/N: I'm back with this story. Yep. To you who asked, Denethor will just pull out another robe or something. Or he'll go buy some clothes. I don't know. I guess he's got like 10 robes or something. We shall see. And forget Elrond's clothes. They look like dresses. DRESSES!! AHHH!!

And, sure, Orliey, you can help in the burning of the Robe. It'll just make it funnier when Denethor finds out...

And another thing (all: SHUT UP!!) I went to get my hair cut, short, like to my shoulders. (All: SO?) When I came back, my FotR watching Room mate looked at my hair, laughed, and told me that if I skipped showers(I shower daily, as if you cared.), I would look like Boromir without the beard. Ok, now that's freaky.

* * *

_**Chapter Thirty-Nine: How to Sucessfully Steal a Robe**_

_In the Hallway outside Denethor's room..._

"Ok, you know what to do, right? You and Frodo run in there and get the robe. Make sure it's black and Denethor's. Got it?" Mary says. The 6 who are planning Grand Theft Robe are decked out in black, Pippin in a black turtleneck and black jeans, Frodo in a black cape and a black shirt with black jeans, Mary in a black tanktop (even though it's like, 30 degrees out) and black cargo jeans. Tina is wearing a black sweater and black pants, and Boromir and Faramir are just wearing leather jackets, black shirts and leather jeans (which are black, dur!).

"Pippin, is Boromir in position for the distraction?" Mary says.

"And is Frodo with you?"

"Roger."

"Remember, Rubber Chicken if Denethor's coming. Say it loud. Rubber Chicken! Got it?"

"Check, check, and check."

"All right. Systems are go!" Mary says, as she and Tina look down their own hallway.

"Mary? Er, the wood isn't going to light, it's too soggy..." Faramir says over the walkie talkie.

"Darn! I'll be right there." Mary says, running out to the backyard of the place.

Meanwhile, Tina stays in the hall way, watching for signs of Denethor.

"What's the problem?" Mary asks, arriving at the scene where the robe-burning pyre is to be set up.

"Well, the wood is soggy."

"Did you pour oil on it?"

"Oh. No...I poured water on it..."

"FARAMIR!!"

"IT looks THE SAME!"

"That's ok."

"Hey, guys!" Orliey says, running out towards Mary and Faramir.

"AHHH! I mean, heh heh, h-h-hi, Orliey!" Mary says nervously.

"Hey. You look cold." Orliey says, noting Mary's tank top in 32 degree weather.

"N-n-n-no, I'm f-f-fi-n-n-ne." Mary shivers.

"Uh huh...." Orliey says. "So watcha doing?"

"We're ah, eh, um..."

"We're starting a fire because Mary's cold." Faramir says.

"Sure...so what's this about 'Rubber Chicken if Denethor's coming!'?"

"Shooooooooooooooot."

"Well, since you're about to be my mom, we're burning dad's robe."

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry."

"CAN I HELP??"

"Sure! We kind of need help with the fire...It's not working for us...rar.."

Orliey quickley lights the match and sets the wood on fire as Mary and Faramir look on in amazement.

"Wow. I'm s-s-s-o c-c-c-c-c-c-cold!!!!" Mary shivers. After all, it's snowing and windy. On their little Island in the Northern Atlantic near to Labrador...I guess.

"Are you ok? Mary, your lips are blue!!!" Faramir says.

"Huh? I c-c-can-n-n't t-t-t-tell."

"Here, have my jacket." Faramir says, tossing his jacket on Mary.

"Huh?" Mary says.

"Jeeze, next she'll get hypothermia and die on us." Faramir says.

"Oohh, fire! Fire fire fire!" Mary says, warming up near the fire.

Suddenly, Pippin, Frodo, Tina, and Boromir emerge onto the scene.

"HEY! It's Orliey! We're busted! Oh shoot." Boromir says.

"Actually, she's helping." Mary says.

"Ok."

"Didja get it?"

"Right here!" Pippin says, proudly revealing Denethor's robe.

"Cool! Toss it onto the fire! Destroy it!!" Mary and Faramir yell, Mary's health recovered miraculosly.

"Ha ha, very funny." Elrond says, emerging from the Garage with Kashmir.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"Can I help?"

"What, 9 people just to burn a robe?"

"Can't we just destroy it?"

"Well, do it! Put it on the fire!"

"It's....It's...it's my precious. The robe is mine!" Pippin says.

"NO YOU DON'T, you SHORTSTACK!" Mary says, tackling Pippin as the robe goes flying onto the pyre.

"Get off me!"

"Mary, remember about picking fights with little people!" Boromir warns.

Mary and Pippin (He he he! Mary and Pippin...it's like Merry and Pippin! Ok...) get up, Pippin looking shaken at being tackled by Mary.

"That was for my car." Mary says.

"Huh."

"Look at it burn!!!"

"It's so pretty." Mary sighs.

"Mary, you should appologize to Pippin about the tackling."

"Shut up, Boromir, you're next."

"Ok, then."

So the 9 people all watch the Robe of Denethor, Steward of Gondor, Son of Ecthellion, burns to ashes.

"So long, fare well, auf weidersain (spell that right??) good bye...the robe is gone..." Someone sings slowly.

"The clouds'll come out...tomorrow." Mary says.

Pretty soon, the robe is reduced to ash and the fun and enjoyment of burning Denethor's robe is over. Or is it...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY ROBE!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Denethor yells, running towards the pyre and sinking to his knees at the sight of his robe.

"What? Don't you have other robes or something?"

"Well, yeah, but this one was special!"

"How so?"

"Er, this is the robe I...ate...chicken...in. Or something."

"No not the chicken!! AHH! RUN CHICKEN!" Mary says.

"Huh?"

"What, you ate chicken with your hands! And it went spechk!" Mary says, doing her best imitation of Denethor cracking the chicken bone in the Return of the King.

"Eew, don't remind me!"

"Nastay!" Elrond says.

"But for all his faults, I still love him." Orliey says.

"And I love you too." Denethor says, as he starts to kiss Orliey.

"EEW! NOT IN PUBLIC!! NO PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION!!!" Mary screams.

"Can't they not get married and save the world a whole lot of trouble?" Tina asks.

"No can do. We've already signed up for marriadge advice lesson things. You know, those sorts of things." Denethor says.

"Oh, god. The world is totally going downhill."

"Next thing we know, Denethor's gonna run for President of the United States." Mary says.

"How'd you guess?" Denethor asks, pausing momentarily from the kissing session.

"Oh, God. I'm moving to Canada!"

"So where do we get change-of-adress forms and how do we get to become citizens of Canada?"

"Don't be such a downer!" Denethor says.

"Coming from the man that said, 'Flee for your lives! We're all gonna die!' that means so much." Mary says.

"I never said that."

"But you were thinking it!"

"Man, do you read minds or something??"

"Er...."

"Anyway, we're getting married in VEGAS really soon! SO YEAH!"

"About that...can we stay at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino? And are we gonna be able to gamble? And are we gonna be able to hit the drinks?"

"MARY! You're only 18!"

"So?"

"Have you no morals??"

"Well, I mean, fake ID goes a long way..."

"MARY!"

"See what kind of woman you're dating? Fake ID's?"

"Relax...I got served alcohol when I was 12!" (and it's true!)

"AND YOU DRANK IT???"  
  
"No...well, maybe a little...a bit...ok, all of it, but it looked like orange juice!"

"Mary, you're disgusting!"

"So are you, Boromir!"

"Relax. I'm sure Mary can pass for a 21 year old. Right?"

"Well, I'd rather not risk it, but I guess!"

"There. Happy?"

"Er, whatever. Mary drunk, now that's a scary thought!"

"HEY! Don't forget...you're next, Boromir, and once I get my sword..."

"Ok, ok...freak."

"I'll just pretend I didn't hear that.."

"Anyway, can't we just go? I mean, we all have to go to some paty tomorrow..."

"WHAT?"

"Sorry! I'm sorry, honey, it slipped!"

"Yeah, Denethor and are having a party and you all should come."

"Right. I'll be there. I suppose."

And so everyone learnt of the new party event...and the fact that Denethor's robe was burned, leaving Elrond's garb to be burned, the dressy-ish things...

* * *

A/N: Yeah, just leave a review. This cahpter went off the deep end, as usual.


	40. Two Parties in As Many Minutes

A/N: It's the very special Mary's Birthday Edition of the Apartment Story!! Yay! Here's some cookie dough ice cream cake for y'all...and this edition is really looooong to make up for something, and because it's my birthday!! Haahaa! This means there will be 2 parties in 2 day! Denethor and Orliey's party and Mary's Birthday with CAKE and Alcohol!! HA! What a party...

Yeah, about age limits on drinking...I know in the UK you get to drink at 18 (US is really behind) but I did it for all those in the US who can't yet drink. Maybe we can all get free drinks or something.

Alekey(?? Must check spelling)the Hobbit Elf has claimed ownership for Gimli, meaning only Gandalf, and Saruman are left because hotdogfish has claimed Celeborn.

Yay! We're at chapter 40! Another reason to make this one extra long! I never thought there'd be 40 chapters, and now that I'm seriously thinking about it, there seems to be NO END IN SIGHT!

* * *

_**Chapter Fourty: Two Parties in one day and Other Stuff!**_

At about 12:00 in the day, with the sun shining and the birdies chirping away in the trees, the Apartment group finally starts to get up. The first one up is Faramir, who has a shocking revelation: "HOLY CRAP! IT'S MARY'S BIRTHDAY!" He was sleeping in the La-Z-Boy wearing a t-shirt and flanel pants.

This wakes up Eowyn, who is sleeping on the couch for some reason.

"WHAT THE HELL???" Eowyn screams, who is wearing a frilly pink nightie and who jumps about 2 feet in the air and lands on Boromir, who has been sleeping on the floor.

"HOLY GUACAMOLE!" Boromir, who is been wearing boxers and...just boxers...I guess...yells, getting up and drawing his sword, which is blunt (luckily) and hits Mary, who is sleeping on the bed.

"OWOWOWOWOWOW!" Mary, who is wearing a black tanktop and black flanel pants, screams, jumping out of bed and landing on Pippin, who was sleeping under the bed, and whose body was sticking out from under the bed.

"YEOCH!!" Pippin, in sweatpants and a sweater, shrieks, kicking his foot up in the air and into Mary's stomach.

"Oof!" she says, collapsing onto Boromir, who tosses his sword back, which nearly hits Eowyn in the head, who ducks, and as the sword heads for Faramir, Eowyn jumps on Faramir and forces him down and out of the way of Boromir's crazy sword.

In a few moments, the whole affair is cleared up...kind of.

"Wow, Mary, I never thought you liked me in that way." Boromir says, due to the fact that Mary has been forced to fall into Boromir's lap (no, Breck, he's still yours), and Boromir kind of put his arms around her in shock. To keep her from falling onto his face. (And this has all happened to me. It's not fun!)

"Eew, you sicko, I'd never like you in that way! And, Mr. Smartie, why are your arms around me if you don't like me that way? Hmm?"

"Well, ah, I..."

"And you're not really making any move to move your arms, are you? Wait until I tell Breck..."

"Fine! Get out of my lap, you weirdo! And why were you sitting there, anyway?"

"Because I fell! Honestly, who'd want to sit in your lap? Breck, maybe, but that's about it!"

"You are so not funny." Boromir says, pushing Mary off.

"Whatever, Boromir. So, anyway, you know what? It's my birthday, and I'm having a party! We're gonna have cake and alcohol!" Mary says.

"Cake and ALCOHOL?? Can you even drink that stuff?"

"Let's just say I have connections that'll get me everything I want. I was thinking vodka and beer, maybe some wine and some Scotch."

"Sounds cool."

"You know it!"

"Ooh, can we bring our dates? Are you gonna have make-out corners? Huh?" Boromir asks.

"You are a sick, sick man."

"Make-out corners?"

"Eowyn, why are you on top of Faramir and looking at him like that?"

"Because he's sexy and my boyfriend!" Eowyn says.

"No, he's _my _boyfriend. Get your own."

"No, Faramir, didn't you tell me you broke up with her?" Eowyn says.

"YOU NEVER TOLD HER YOU BROKE UP WITH HER??" Mary yells.

"Eowyn, I told you I was breaking up with you! Mary, I'm not breaking up with you, so don't worry." Faramir says.

"Wow, Faramir. I thought you were the man I'd been waiting for, the man who'd sweep me off my feet! But now I see that I was totally wrong! Maybe Grima _was _the man for me! In fact, I think I'll go ask him to be my date! HOW'S THAT?" Eowyn screams, throwing Boromir's sword, which was on the floor, at Faramir's head.

"Oww!" Faramir says, as the sword hilt hits him in the stomach.

"Are you ok?"

"Wow, talk about pissed off!" Boromir says.

"It'll be ok. We still have my party!" Mary says consolingly.

"And ours!" Denethor and Orliey say, stepping out of the closet. Denethor is in a button front shirt (currently unbuttoned, eeww!) and Orliey is in a red satin lengerie thingy..like at those Stores like Victoria's Secret. Ok...

"What the hell were you doing in the closet?"

"Do you really want to know?" Denethor says.

"Eeew! Man, this whole family is perverted, except Faramir."

"Are you sure about that?" Boromir asks, smiling wickedly.

"Shut it, you, before you lose it."

"Oooh, I'm so scared."

"Whatever, you loser!"

"Ooh! So mean!"

"Hey, I've got a sword in my hands. Don't make me use it!"

Denethor kind of just stands there.

"Ahem. You all know I'm having a party, right?"

"Oh yes."

"Well, just show up." Denethor says.

"Anyway, members of the 'Crazy Fire Friends' anonymous, we call to order the fact that today we must burn Elrond's entire wardrobe." Mary says, as Tina and Frodo jump out from the other closet.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING IN MY ROOM??" Faramir yells.

"Anywhoo, we are gathered thus to discuss the method of burning Lord Elrond Peredhil, Lord Elrond Halfelven of Imladris's Entire Dressy Wardrobe and Anything that Goes With It."

"Hear, hear!"

"So, any questions, comments, concerns, or complaints?"

"No, not me."

"Very well, then. The actual time of stealing and/or burning will be tomorrow at 6:00 in the PM."

"Cool! Are the Hobbits gonna steal the wardrobe?"

"Sure, why not. Faramir, Boromir, Denethor, and I will prepare the fire, and Tina and Kay will provide the distractions, and Orliey will assist the Hobbits."

"Hear, hear!!"

"Very well! Meeting adjourned!"

Well, no one walks out, they just all sit there in their pajamas. Or clothes, whatever they're wearing.

"Hey, Mary, I have a present for you! It's your birthday and I have a birthday kiss for you!"

"Aww, you're so sweet!" Mary says, giving Faramir a kiss.

"Well, I supposed to give you the kiss, so here goes!" Faramir says

"Translation: I'm too cheap to get you anything so I'm gonna give you a kiss to make it better."

"Shut up, Boromir. And I actually got you a nice Saphire Necklace to match your eyes, Mary. t least I'd get my girlfriend a present! What did you get your girl for her birthday?"

"Hmm, I don't even know when her birthday is!"

"See? At least I care enough to get Mary something!" Faramir says. "In your face!"

"Don't be such a fruit! As soon as I see Breck, I'll ask her." Boromir says.

"Sure, you will."

"Don't think I won't!"

"Anyway, Boromir, I never got a present and/or a CARD from you!" Mary says, hitting Boromir's foot with his own sword that she currently has in her possession.

"Owwwwwwwwww!"

_Later on, at Denethor and Orliey's Party..._

"Hi! Thank you for coming! Enjoy the party!" Denethor says, greeting people as they walk in.

"Hi! Hey, Dad, cool party!" Boromir says, walking in with Breck and followed by Mary and Faramir, who hope to get in unseen.

"And here's the birthday girl!" Denethor says, beaming with joy...or something.

"Eww. Back off." Mary says.

"Sorry! God, remind me to never wish you a happy birthday." Denethor says.

"You just did." Mary says.

"Hey, it's Eowyn! And OHMIGOD!!" Denethor screams.

"Yeah, so what? At least he's FAITHFUL!" Eowyn says, walking in with Grima Wormtongue.

"Wow, she's sunken so low." Faramir says mournfully, looking at Mary.

"So, Mary, when's your party?" Boromir asks, wandering over with Breck.

"Er, in a little bit."

"Cool! Can't wait to get into one of them make-out corners!" Boromir says, winking at Breck.

"Shame, shame!"

"Anyway, we're going to celebrate me and Orliey's wedding-to-be and then we can all go nextdoor and celebrate Mary's Birthday with Cake and Alcohol!" Denethor says.

"Oh, god." Mary moans.

"Anyway, Orliey bought another cake so we can all pig out!" Denethor screams. "Two cakes in one day!"

"Yeah, Sam made it!"

Sam starts to blush.

"Ok, dig in!!!"

So everyone kind of mauls the cake, grabbing as many slices as they can. Mary gets about 2 and goes to sit down, when over walks Faramir with 4 and Boromir with 10.

"10 freakin' slices of cake?" Mary says in disbelief.

"Well, there's a little thing called 'Firstborn Benifits'." Boromir says.

"Ok, sure. Also traslates as "I suck up to my dad so I can get more cake and sent on dangerous and perilous quests and get to climb to the top of the ruins of Osgiliath even though Faramir would have been the obvious and better choice and would have looked cooler with the banner and making the speech."" Faramir says.

"Wow..."

"Actually, Boromir looked cooler with the banner, but he got sent on a quest and DIED!" Mary says.

"Did you have to bring that up?"

"Yeah."

After a few minutes of conversing and all around congradulating the bride-and-groom-to-be, they all decide to head next door to Mary's party with CAKE and ALCOHOL (what every party needs!)

_At Mary's Party..._

"Hey! Cool apartment!"

"Cool! A walk-in liquor closet!" Pippin and Kay say.

"Yeah, but I dibsed it. Me and Breck are going to spend some meaningful time in there together." Boromir says.

"You know, you're a perv, Boromir." Mary says.

"Whatever. Come on, Breck, let's get in the closet before the perverted hobbits do." Boromir says.

"He's disturbing.." Mary says, putting on a CD.

"OOOH! Slow Song!" someone screams.

Eowyn and Grima go to dance and everyone just kind of watches.

"That's a bit weird. Didn't she reject him in Highschool?"

"Yeah, she was a cheerleader and he was a chess club addict, and she was too cool for him."

"Wow. A bit steriotypical, aren't we, Eowyn?"

"I will make no comment due to the fact that I have no idea as to what the word 'steriotypical' means."

"A bit on the dull side of the 'Sharpest Tools in the Shed' pile, aren't we?"

"Ha ha, that's all well and good for you to joke about now, but just you wait until I get my revenge."

"Ok, a angry shieldmaiden out for revenge..."

"Come on, Grima, we can go to my place. I can tell when I'm not wanted." Eowyn says, dragging Grima along to her apartment.

"Hey, let's all play TWISTER!!" Pippin says. "I'll do the spinner thing!"

"Ok, let me get my Twister game from the back room.."

Soon, Mary comes back with Twister and everyone decides to play. Except for Boromir and Breck, who have prior comitments in the closet...

"Ok, ready? Everyone, right hand blue!"

Everyone does that.

"Left hand green!"

"OWWWOWOWOW!"

Pretty soon, most everyone is tangled up in the Twister Game.

"Oh, my aching back! I'm too old for this.." Denethor moans.

"My poor furry feet!" Frodo wails.

"Mrodo, mmmph mhht m mm my mouf!" Tina says.

"Huh??"

"Left foot Green!"

"But out left hand is on there! I'm gonna die of the Twister-y Goodness!"

"Too bad!" Pippin cackles evilly.

"Owowowowow!"

Then..

"I...can't...take...it!" Denethor says, collapsing onto the floor mat thing.

"AHHH!!!!" Mary screams, going down also.

Remarkably, everyone else is left in tact.

"Ok, we're out, too bad, so sad." Mary says, un-sadly.

"Aww, man, I was on a roll!"

"Ok, sure."

So everyone else continues to play Twister. Soon, only Frodo, Tina, and Legolas (He was there all along!) are left, with everyone else cheering along on the sidelines.

"Woooo! Go everyone!" Mary says.

"Happy Birthday, love." Faramir whispers into her ear.

"Go Frodo!"

"Go TINA!"

"Ok. Right foot Red!" Pippin says.

"Oh no...!" Legolas says, as he falls down.

"Awww."

Now it's only Frodo and Tina competing for...a Fine Liquor Basket!!!

"All Right...Left foot yellow!"

"Dang nabbit!" Tina says, but manages to get her foot over as Frodo laughs.

"Ok, right hand red!"

"Oh no!!" Frodo says, as the audience lets out a collective gasp.

"Hahaha, got you fooled!"

"That was pretty stupid, Frodo." Mary says unamusedly.

"Ok, left hand yellow!"

"AHHHHHHH!" Frodo screams, going down.

"Got your reward, now didn't you?"

"Hahaha, Mary."

"Wanna make something of it, little man?"

"Calm down, love, it's just a stupid game of Twister." Faramir says soothingly.

"You're right, honey. Man, without you I'd probably wreak major terror on the world."

"I know, Mary, and that's why I'm here for you."

Suddenly, Breck and Boromir come tumbling out of the closet.

"Wow!" Boromir says, looking rather dazed and/or confused.

"Hmm?" Mary says, looking at Boromir.

"You missed the Twister Championships." Denethor says disapprovingly.

"Oh, dad, don't be such a spoilsport. After all, me and Breck had better things to do."

"Oooh, naughty little boy!" Faramir says.

"Just shut up."

"Sorry."

So everyone kind of just walks off to their rooms, after 2 wild parties and the threat of an even bigger day tomorrow...

* * *

A/N: Hmm, what is this weird thing that's coming tomorrow? Well, we'll just have to tune in and see! Drop me a line, and if you'd like to celebrate your birthday, let me know so we can fit it in sometime! 


	41. To Burn a Wardrobe

A/N: Well, we had cake in the real world yesterday and kind of bought too much, and now half is sitting in the tiny fridge and taking up all the room. Hmm. Anyway, we'll have a special birthday for Kay on Feb. the 25, if you'd just remind me like a week before, Kay. It takes me forever to write one freakin' chapter! Anyway, today we're gonna burn the robe. Yes, lots of fun!

Yes, Alekey, whe shall celebrate bacause I don't think the apocalypse is coming until after Denethor's wedding (He angered the spirits!!!JK) maybe, but maybe not...and we shall get that ale in sometime. And whenever Gimli comes around, we'll get him to quit. And you will help with the...(check back later for a definate thing to burn and/or destroy!!)

* * *

_**Chapter Forty-One: From "Depression of a Crazy Dress Wearing Elf", verses 1-3 in Haiku Format, told as a Story...**_

_In the Hallway by Lord Elrond's Room..._

"All right, Hobbits in position?" Mary asks into the walkie talkie.

"Yep!" Orliey says.

"Tina, Kay, you there?"

"Check and check!"

"Ok, and I'm here with the wood burning crew..."

"CHECK, CAPTAIN!" The men yell in the background.

"Ok...All systems go!"

So the hobbits dash into Elrond's room with Orliey standing guard, and Tina and Kay scour the building for Elrond...

_With Tina and Kay..._

"Man, I hope LE isn't in his room!"

"Ditto, Kay, maybe he's getting Drunk at the bar!"

"Hey!" So they two run off towards the bar to find...nothing. Well, hotdogfish and Celeborn, but nothing much else.

"Hey, you two!" Celeborn calls, looking happy now that he's got a girl in his life.

"Well, have you seen Celeborn?"

"Hmm, yeah, he just left. He's going up to his room." Celeborn says.

"OH NO!" The two yell, running up the hallway towards Elrond's room.

_In the hall..._

Elrond is strolling along, whistling a happy tune and wearing something that looks remarkably like a Wedding dress.

"Oh, I'm a happy elf, yes I'm a Happy elf, I sleep all day and I'M A HAPPY ELF!!!"

"Oh, no!!" Tina and Kay say, as they see Elrond walk towards his door.

"HEY!!! LORD ELROND!! ELROND!!!" Kay screams, running up to the happy yet surprised Elf and giving him a hug.

"AHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL, MORTAL?? AHHHHHHH!!!" Elrond screams.

"Elrond, you're my favorite man in the world! Hahaha, you get it?? You're not a man...you're and ELF! Hahaha! You're my favorite ELF in the world! HAHAHA!" Tina says, running towards Elrond.

"Get...off...me!!!" Elrond says.

"But I loooooooooooooooooovvvvvvve you!" Kay says, seeing Pippin, Merry, Frodo, and Orliey run out of the room.

"I though you loved Pippin!!"

"I do! But you're my favorite Elf, and I looooooooooooooooooooooooove you!" Kay says.

"Get off me, please!"

"Do you love me, Elrond?"

"Erm, yes, very much, not really, but get off!"

_Meanwhile, outside with the Brothers Mir (Boromir and Faramir), Denethor, and Mary..._

"WHAT THE HELL??? WHY WON'T YOU LIGHT, YOU PIECE OF WOOD!!!!" Mary screams, banging the offending piece of wood against the pyre.

"Honestly, Mary haven't you ever set a piece of wood on fire?"

"Well, yeah, but STILL! Is this soggy or something??"

"Here, let me try..." Denethor says.

Suddenly, the wood goes up in flames, leaving Mary to wonder if Denethor has the 'fire touch'.

"Here! We got it!" Orliey, Pippin, and Merry scream, running towards the pyre.

"Good job, men!" Denethor says.

"And women." Mary and Orliey add.

"Very well. Cast it into the fire!"

"Why do I have a feeling someone said this last week?"

"Hmmm..."

"Deja-vu."

"AHHH! NOOOOOO!"

"NO! LORD ELROND! COME BACK!"

"Man, has he lost himself again?" Orliey asks. (remember that?)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HOW COULD YOU??? YOU CRUEL, EVIL, MALICIOUS PEOPLE WHO BURN MY ROBES!" Elrond wails.

"Awww, toss it in already!" Boromir says, throwing the entire wardrobe into the blazing inferno.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Man, he can really scream."

"So passes the robes of Elrond, the Lord of Rivendell." Pippin says, sounding remarkably like Gandalf.

"Haha, that's just like what Gandalf said when I...oh. Haha, very funny, Pippin." Denethor says.

"I know. Ain't I the greatest?"

"No..." Boromir say.

"You know, no one was asking you. So shut it."

"Ooh, a bit touchy-feely aren't we?"

"Ok, you have no idea how perverted that just sounded."

"BOROMIR'S A PERV!!!"

"Shut up."

"What about my clothes? I have nothing to wear!!" Elrond wails.

"Oh, grow up! Make a diaper out of, I dunno, poison ivy or something."

"What about rash?"

"So?"

"Nyah nyah nyah!"

"Whatever, you losers. I can just go to Kohls and get more clothes! I LOVE SHOPPING!!" Elrond screams, running out.

"Maybe burning the stuff wasn't that good of an idea. I mean, with Denethor he had more, but now Elrond's gotta buy more stuff. We've created a monster!"

"BAAAAAAAAA!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Everyone jumps a foot in the air and turn. To their surprise (or horror??) they see Denethor's pet goat, who he affectionately named Louis.

"Louis! Shame on you, sneaking up on us like that! Don't make me turn you into a shish-ke-bab!"

"Whoa, bit harsh on the goat there..."

"Now, run along to the special goat pen I made for you!"

Louis runs off, baaa-ing happilly all the way. Hey, goats baa too, not just them sheep.

"Look! This is the goat pen I made for Louis! He's going to have a woman friend soon, and their little children can frolick among the flowers for hours and hours!"

"Hey, that rhymed!" Pippin says.

"Ok...Denethor, um, did you know that Louis is actually a Louisa?" Tina points out.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. Louis--I mean, Louisa--needs a guy friend, er, maybe a Louis?"

"Dear lord, you're raising that goat to be gay!!"

"It's not that way!!!"

"Sure it ain't. DENIAL!!"

"Nooo! It's not like that! I'll call the goat people and tell them to send me a male goat!!"

"Then GO, man!!"

Denethor runs off as Elrond runs off to Kohls, buying more dress-like clothes under the excuse 'they're for my wife'. Lame-o!!

* * *

A/N: There you have it. Took me forever to get it written. I don't know why. This one gave me problems. I actually smacked the computer, but it did nothing but hurt my hands. Oww! Anyway leave a message, have a nice day! 


	42. Denethor's Holiday Plan

A/N: Hello, all. I'm back, with more laughs than something really funny, although I don't know what. Just trust me. I suppose. And, with the holidays upon us, it's time to get INTO THE SPIRIT Apartment Style! With Bonfires, Christmas Carols, and other fun things! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, just tell me, and we'll throw in other celebrations as well!

* * *

_**Chapter Fourty-Three: You want us to do what??**_

_In Denethor's room..._

"Uhuh...they're willing to help. Yep, most of them...ok! Great! See you then!" Denethor says, hanging up the phone.

"I feel inclined to ask: What was that about??" Orliey asks, sitting on the bed.

"I'll let you know when I tell the others."

The two walk out of the room, and into the lobby, where everyone else is comparing Christmas lists and looking over sales papers.

"But Halo 2 is only 59.99, Faramir! It's CHEAP!" Mary says, putting down the Best Buy sales paper.

"That's CHEAP??"

"Everyone, I have an announcement!"

Everyone looks up, and kind of...waits.

"Well, as the Holidays are here, I decided we should do something for the community. So, we're all going to be Salvation Army people and stand there with the bells and ask for money!" Denethor says.

"Wait...you want us to do WHAT?" Mary asks, staring at the local guitar store's Christmas catalogue.

"Won't it be fun??"

"Won't it, now!"

"Oh, don't put a damper on the holiday spirit!"

"All right...as long as I can use the Horn of Gondor instead of those annoying little bells." Boromir huffs.

"All right, all right." Denethor says. "You all start tomorrow."

"I'm working with Faramir!" Mary says. "No way am I getting stuck with Horn of Gondor man."

"I'm working with Pip. We have a sure fire way to get people to give us money." Merry says.

"And we'll get the cash bucket next to them." Annabel and Kay say.

"I'm working with Boromir." Breck says.

"And I'll work with Denethor." Orliey says.

"I am working with Frodo." Tina says.

"Very well! Now, get sleep because we need to get out there at the crack of dawn and work!" Denethor says.

"But, it's only 11:00."

"In the morning."

"SO WHAT??"

So everyone runs off to their rooms to rest up for the big day!

_The very next day..._

"AHH!"

"SANTA'S NOT REAL!!!"

"NOW I KNOW!!"

"What's all this about Santa not being real? You're disturbing my sleep!" Mary yells.

"Well, Boromir dressed as Santa, and..."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. Boromir dressed as Santa and tried to trick us into giving him presents!"

"Doesn't Santa have little elves to help him?"

"You know, little elves are steriotypical. I mean, am I little? Someone got us mixed up with Hobbits and now we all have to pay!" Elrond wails.

"Oh, grow up before we burn your new wardrobe." Mary snaps.

"Anyway, Boromir has a job at the department store as Santa for $100 an HOUR!"

"WHAT? WE GOTTA STOP IT!"

And so Mary and Pippin run out to stop the false Santa.

_At Rohan Fields..._

"Hey, can I see Santa?" Mary asks the Sequrity Man.

"You're a bit old..."

"It's for my son!" Mary says, grabbing Pippin. "He's sick."

Pippin does a fake cough and starts to act all sickly.

"Very well. But only because no one else is in line." He lifts the barrier and Mary runs in, Pippin being dragged behind.

"SO!" Mary yells, once they reach Santa.

"Huh?" Santa asks.

"You are really Boromir, you are not Santa, and you made a whole mess of Hobbits cry!" Mary says.

"What?"

"TAKE OFF THE BEARD!" Pippin yells.

Santa does and...it's not Boromir.

"Damn!"

"Watch your mouth, missy, or you'll get naught but coal!" Santa says. (Oddly enough, someone has said that to me once.)

"Sorry. Are there any other Santas in this mall?"

"Yeah, by the large Tree in the middle."

So Mary and Pippin run off towards the Big Tree.

_At the Big Tree..._

"We need to see Santa! My kid is seriously ill and is on the verge of dying! LET HIM THROUGH!!" Mary yells.

"Mary, Eru is going to send you to Hell for lying."

"Well, I might be going there anyway."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think it's all my fighting with Boromir.Or else something I don't knowabout."

So Mary and Pippin run into Santa's Room thing.

"SO!"

"Wha?"

"There! That drunken stare! That's Boromir!"

"Huh?"

"Even acts like him too."

"Now, Santa, can you remove the beard?"

"No..."

"WHY THE HELL NOT?"

"Watch your mouth!"

"Sorry. Are you or are you not Boromir, son of Denethor, son of Ecthellion, son of someone who I don't know?"

"YOU FOUND ME! DAMN!"

Boromir runs out, as Mary and Pippin follow.

"Get him! DOG PILE SANTA!!" Pippin screams.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Scream the Kids in Line, as they jump on Santa and dog pile him. Ouch.

"Get off! Get off! I surrender!!" Boromir/Santa says, getting up.

"Good. Now, Santa, come quietly and none of these kids will learn."

"Is Santy being arrested?" Asks a dweeby little 5 year old with glasses.

"Well, not really, but he's being put in house arrest."

"Oh."

"Come along, Santa."

Mary, Pippin, and Boromir/Santa walk back to the retirement place.

_At the Retirement Place..._

"Got any aces?" Gimli asks.

"Nope, go fish." Alekey says.

"Damn."

"Don't swear. Got any kings, Denethor?" Alekey says.

"Damn!"

"Stop swearing. Got any threes, Gandalf?"

"Damn!"

"Would you stop being a fould mouth! Got any jacks, Saruman?"

"DAMN!"

"I win."

"DAMN!" Saruman, Gimli, Gandalf and Denethor yell.

"Hahaha." Alekey chuckles.

"We're back." Mary says.

"And according to her, I'm on the verge of dying." Pippin says.

"And we found the fake Santa." Mary says.

"Damn." Boromir says.

"Can't you just stop swearing??"

"DAMN DAMN DAMN!"

"Not funny."

"Maybe we should rest up because we have to help the needy."

"But it's only noon!"

"So? Rest up and change."

They all walk off to change so they can help the needy.

* * *

A/N: Well, that was weird. Sorry about the chapters being less frequent, but there's school and all that. At least I have Christmas break. And I'll see about coming out with a special RotK Extended chapter, and then we'll see what happens with the Salvation Army task force. Should be good! 


	43. Making Money

A/N: Here is the fourty-fourth part of the apartment story. It is sooo long. And there's more to come. Anyway, this chapter is about us people (superb grammer there) helping the less fortunate. Anyway, I hope you like all the creative ways we come up with to get money. I appologize for the wait, holidays were really busy for me. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

_**Chapter Fourty-Four: Making Money**_

_On a street, with Merry and Pippin..._

"All right, Pip, ready to make some fast cash?" Merry asks.

"All righty then." Pippin says.

"You wanna use plan sickly children?"

"Nah, let's use our wonderful voices." Pippin says.

"Oh! Good idea..." Merry says.

So, without further ado and Annabel and Kay staring dreamilly at those two hottie hobbits, Merry and Pippin break into...song.

_"Oh, you can search far and wide, you can drink the whole town dry, but you'll never find a beer so brown as the one we drink in our hometown!!"_ Merry and Pippin sing, dancing around and waving little mugs of beer.

"Oh, aren'y they cute? Let's give them money." Says Random Passer-by 2.

"Sure, but kids singing about ale?" asks Random Passer-by 1.

"Maybe it's inside joke!" Says Passer-by 3.

"Put some money in!"

So Merry and Pippin make their first 10.

_"You can keep your fancy ale, you can drink them by the flagon, but the only brew for the brave and true COMES FROM THE GREEN DRAGON!!"_

"Where's that?"

"It's our fine eating/drinking establishment!" Annabell and Kay say.

"Ooh!"

_Meanwhile, after Merry and Pip have nearly made 50 dollars..._

"How did we get stuck next to PSYCHO MAN!" Mary screams, nearly throwing the bucket at Boromir, who, coincidently, Mary and Faramir have landed next to in Operation Get Needy Children Money.

"It won't be so bad. Look! I made brownies!" Faramir says, whipping out a large tray of Betty Crocker Fudgey Chocolate IcingBrownies.

"Ooooh! We can sell them!"

"Hey! Back off, Boromir, these are our brownies." Faramir says.

"Ooh. Well, we'll just see who wins: the Brownies of the HORN OF GONDOR!" Boromir says,pulling out aforesaid Horn of Gondor.

"You're on!" Mary says.

"Breck, come here and be my lovely assistant." Boromir says.

"Sure."

"I hope you know this means war!" Mary says, glaring at Boromir and pulling out a tray table and more baked goods from her car.

"Baked goods versus the mighty Horn of Gondor? No contest!" Boromir chortles.

"You say that now..."

_20 minutes later..._

"Hurry, Faramir, these brownies won't last forever!"

"I'm working here! The stove is too slow!"Faramir says, leaning over a one burner camp stove with a small little oven. Faramir and Mary now have a little stove and are turning out brownies at alarming speed.

"What's our till?"

"Over 50, Faramir, and there's a huge line!"

Boromir is just sitting there, moping about because the Horn of Gondor really hasn't done it's civic duty.

"Mary...our stove broke down."

"DAMN!" Mary yells, kicking the stove.

"Hey, you fixed it!" Faramir says, as the stove starts running again.

"Mary...the stove is spitting out brownies!" Faramir says, ducking brownies that are flying out.

"Just...I dunno, catch them in a basket!"

So Faramir catches the brownies in a cute little basket and Mary puts them on the table. The stove is still going crazy, and soon there are 25 baskets of 25 brownies. That, my friends, is a lot of brownies.

"I'm sick of this." Boromir says, with Breck sitting on his lap. Boromir stands up and loudly blows the Horn of Gondor. Resulting on Breck winding up on the ground.

"AHHHHHHHH! MY EARS!!" Faramir says, covering his ears.

"Ear plugs in!" Mary yells, and Faramir and Mary cover their ears.

"Here, have your basket...and yours...and yours..."

The people put their money ($2.50 a basket) in the pot, and walk away, smiling.

"We're rich rich rich!" Faramir says.

"It's helping the less fortunate. But..." Mary says, getting a Signature Idea.

"Boromir, why on earth do you have to freakin' use the Horn of Gondor so loud?" Breck moans, her ears still ringing.

"Sorry..."

Meanwhile, Faramir and Mary are running out of stuff to make the brownies out of.

"Uh...oh..."

Boromir and Breck just cackle silently.

"Er...Hey, are you there? You're where? Is there a grocery store near you? There is? Thank God. Ok, just pick up about 20 cartons of Eggs, 5 gallons of milk, some gallons of water, and a couple thousand boxes of brownie mix!!" Mary says into her cell phone. "Yes, I know it'll cost a lot, but I'll give you some money!''

"What was that?" Faramir asks.

"We're getting more ingrediants!"

Breck and Boromir groan, then go back to moping about due to the failing Horn of Gondor.

Soon, Mary's friend shows up with the ingrediants and Mary and Faramir make more baked goods. Mary tips her friend who runs away with almost all of Mary's money.

_With Denethor and Orliey..._

"What are we doing to make money?"

"Er...light me on fire?" Denethor suggests.

"Why?"

"Because I'm immune to fire?"

"Sure, and that's why you died."

"Sure it is! That was a malfunction! And I'll sing while I'm on fire!"

So Denethor and Orliey make money by having Denethor go up in flames.

_Later, back at the Apartments..._

"All right, everyone, we made...well over 3,000,000 dollars today." Denethor says.

"That means you can't count, right?" Mary asks.

"No, I'm too lazy."

"Oh.."

"Really, now?"

"Hey, I've been thinking, can we go to the beach?" Boromir asks.

"But it's winter!" Mary says, pointing outside at the snow that is falling.

"SO?"

"Well, I guess for my favorite son..." Denethor says.

"And we're all coming." Gimli says.

"Very well."

And so the group decides to go to the beach...

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry that this took so long to get up there, but what with the holidays and all...anyway, hope your holiday was great and see you at the beach! In the story, I mean. (Hands out little presents) I know it was weird. And soon you'll find out what Mary's Signature Idea is. 


	44. Going to Buy a Wedding Dress and the Hig...

A/N: And welcome back! We won't be burning anything else for a while now, but maybe on New Years and/or Boxing Day.... Anyway, this episode will be general randomness and a little bit about Denethor getting married...

* * *

_**Chapter Fourty-Two: A Wedding Dress costs HOW MUCH???**_

_With Mary, Orliey, Tina, and Kay..._

"Well, I suppose we can all get nice dresses from House of Brides..." Kay says.

"What? I was gonna rent a tux! Come on!" Mary says.

"Oh, don't be a spoilsport. Besides, what'll Faramir say?"

"Er, nothing?"

"Whatever. We can all go out looking for dresses now!"

"Oh, dear..."

So they all pile out to Frodo's Van.

"Are you sure we can drive this thing?"

"Why not?"

"Because driving Denethor's SUV would be much more fun. And it would make him mad." Mary says.

"You have a point there." Kay says, catching on to Mary's Evil Signature Moment.

"Of course I do!"

So they all decide to take Denethor's SUV...muahahaha! Mary and Oriley go in the front and Tina and Kay hang out in the back, looking at lovely Hobbit pictures (Shirtless, none the less)

_En route to House of Brides..._

"Aww, man, didn't he refill the gas tank??" Mary says, staring at the gas gauge.

"Maybe not. But do we know that?"

"Look, a Shell. Let's just get gas and go!"

So Tina puts some gas in the tank as Mary loads up on sugary foods. Kay washes the windows as Orliey frets about over how much the dammned dress will cost her.

"Ok, I got Sno-Balls, Hohos, Twinkies, Zebra Cakes, Ding Dongs, more Hohos, iced tea, Coke, Pepsi, Squirt, Iced Tea, Sierra Mist, and Mountain Dew, none of which are diet or caffeine free, and lots of candy. I mean lots of candy." Mary says, smiling.

"Good job! Now lets go."

_Meanwhile, back at the Apartment place..._

"Hey, Boromir, you want to go rent a movie or something?" Denethor asks.

"Well, whatever."

"Good show! Let's go!"

The two run out to the garage, when...

"NOOOOOOOOO! My car!!!"

"How could it be gone?? Who else has the key??"

"Hmmm...FRODO! I haven't seen the hobbit in ages!"

"Well, let's take his car!"

"How do we have his key?"

"The same way he has our key."

"This is just insane."

The two hop into Frodo's Van and drive out to Rent-A-Video.

_On the Road..._

"Ok, everyone, I've got the Sex Pistols, Guns n Roses, the Offspring, Bon Jovi, Lacuna Coil, Evanescence, A Perfect Circle, Chevelle, and other CDs..." Mary says.

"Wow, aren't you just the avid CD collector." Tina says. "Put in...whatever."

"Here. It's a Mix." Mary says, putting in a CD.

"Er, isn't that Frodo's Van?" Kay asks.

"WHAT?"

Sure enough, Frodo's Van is close behind them.

"There's only one yellow van I know that has the lisence plate RNG BEAR." Tina says.

"But I thought Frodo was out with the other hobbits?" Kay asks.

"Hmm...HOLY CRIPES!!!" Mary says.

"What?" Kay screams, dropping the shirtless Pippin picture (You sicko).

"It's Denethor!"

"This'll be good..."

The ladies pull up to a red light. Denethor and Boromir pull up next to them.

"SO!" Denethor screams, looking at Mary, who is in the passenger seat and next to him.

"Hey, Denny!" Mary says, looking at Denethor.

"Well well well! Think it's fun to take my car??"

"Do you want a serious answer?" Mary says, smiling evilly.

"Mary, don't be stupid. GET OUT OF MY CAR!!"

"Man... Well, would you like to talk to your finacee?"

"What??"

"Sure, I mean it was her idea to take this----ow!" Mary says, but stops as she gets punched in the arm by Orliey.

"WHAT??" Denethor screams.

"Well, haha, I thought that I should learn how to drive this thing. Since we're getting married and all." Orliey says weakly.

"Actually, it was Mary's idea." Tina and Kay say from the back.

"WHAT??" Denethor screams.

"Well, uh, yeah." Mary says.

"YOU!! You're a royal pain in my ass, did you know that?" Denethor screams.

"Go. It's a green light." Mary whispers to Orliey. The Girls drive off, nearly breaking the speed limit trying to avoid the Yellow Frodo Van and Sheer Doom (Aka Denethor).

"Look! House of Brides! Pull in pull in!!" Mary screams.

The girls get in the lot and run inside.

"Safe!" Kay says.

"Do you think he'll follow us in here?" Tina asks.

"He better not, or I'll kick his-----" Mary starts.

"Hello, ladies, can I help you?" Asks Friendly Sales Person (We'll call her Jody)

"Er, well, we're looking for a wedding dress..." Tina says.

"And we're on the run from a raving lunatic!" Mary adds.

"Forgive her, she sometimes spazes out." Orliey says.

"I DO NOT SPAZ!" Mary yells.

"MARY!" Tina, Kay, and Orliey yell.

"Sorry."

"Anyway, we're looking for a dress."

"And who is getting married?" Jody asks.

"I am." Orliey says.

"Oh! Well, these are the dresses we have in..." Jody says, leading the girls into a room.

"Wow...how come none are in black?" Mary whispers to Tina.

"Shut it, Mary." Tina says.

"Wow..."

"Now, do you have a price range?" Jody asks.

"Well, we'll just give the bill to Denethor, won't we?" Mary asks.

"Yeah!" Tina says.

"Well, can I just look?" Orliey asks, looking around.

Tina, Kay, and Mary huddle around looking at Middle Earth Men Swimsuit Edition, giggling like freaks.

"I've found it!"

They all look at the beautiful dress Orliey has selected.

"Try it on!"

So Orliey goes to put it on.

"Perfect fit!" Mary says, after Orliey comes out looking all lovely and beautiful and all that wedding-y stuff.

"So, how much?"

"Well, about...2,000.00 without tax. To rent bridesmaid's dresses, you'll need another 2,000.00." Jody says.

"Good. Denethor will be covering for this, so I don't have to feel guilty or anything!!"

"Good point. Can the bridesmaids wear black?" Mary asks.

"Well, you can, but everyone else can wear whatever they choose." Orliey says.

"ALL RIGHT!" Mary screams, dancing about.

"Can we just order the dress and leave?" Kay asks.

"Sure."

So they get the dress reserved or whatever and they head outside and into the SUV.

"My friend's got a boyfriend man she hates that----" Mary says, singing quietly.

"MARY!" Kay screams.

"What?"

"Come on, I'm tired. And those accursed dresses aren't going to make Denethor happy..."

"Speak of the devil!" Mary says, looking as the Frodo Mobile (aka the Yellow Van) appears.

"Here we go again. Mary, keep your mouth shut this time." Tina says.

"I guess..."

"Hello, ladies." Denethor says, smiling evilly.

"What is it this time, freako?" Mary asks.

"MARY!"

"Sorry."

"We challenge you...to a race. Loser pays for the wedding stuff, like catering, bands, rentals, etc." Denethor says.

"Move over, I'm gonna smoke his-----" Mary starts.

"Wait, Mary. Where exactly do you want to race?"

"On the highway. At Midnight. The Frodo Van versus the SUV." Denethor says.

"Who gets what?"

"You get the Van, of course."

"Nuh-uh! We only race if I get my Vette!" Mary says.

All the ladies nod, seeing as Mary's Vette is about the fastest thing legal (Or illegal?) in the US.

"Fine, fine." Denethor says. "You and one other person should meet us at the entrance to the expressway at quarter to 12. Be there." Denethor says.

"All right, who's gonna go with Mary?" Tina asks.

"Faramir is." Mary says.

"Mary..."

"WHAT? None of you could take my driving. I mean, please. I'm a driver who thinks the world is one big bumper car ring." Mary says.

"Fine. But we'll be there in the Van to make sure you don't kill Denethor or whomever's in his car."

"And please, please, please don't tell Pippin! He might try to sneak in the trunk. Or something else weird."

_Later, at the Expressway..._

"All right, Mary. win this for Orliey and we'll never have to think of money again!" Tina says.

About half the Apartment Complex has turned out. hotdogfish and Celeborn are sitting on lawn chairs, Breck is in tears because Boromir's in the car with Denethor, and the Hobbits are passing out ale to the viewers. The Ladies (Tina, Orliey, and Kay) are at the Finish line to photograph the winner, and Faramir is preparing for the worst driving ever experianced. Mary is preparing her car, which now looks liks something out of "2 Fast 2 Furious" and Denethor and Boromir are checking over the car.

"All rgith, are you ready to go?" Frodo asks.

"Hold on." Denethor says.

"All right, in the cars.." Frodo says.

Mary gets in and puts on A Perfect Circle, Faramir looks about to barf, Denethor smiles evilly and Boromir sets the radio.

"On your mark...get set...go!"

Denethor starts down the empty (thank Eru) freeway and Mary revs the engine and zooms off.

_In Denethor's SUV..._

"Speed?" Boromir asks.

"45."

"Can you speed it up?"

"No. Not yet."

_In Mary's Car.._

"SLOW DOWN!!! SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN!!!" Faramir screams, as Mar takes out a few Orange Cones (the ones for the Construction work, you know), and nearly hits a sign.

"I CAN'T! DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE?" Mary screams.

"No." Faramir says, closing his eyes and muttering a prayer to Eru to save him.

"All right, I can see Denethor. We're close now." Mary says.

"What does that mean?"

"We're not holding back any more." Mary says, slamming down the gas pedal and going along at a very safe 70 MPH (Thank God for Seat Belts).

"Why did I agree to this?" Faramir mutters.

"Stop whining! I'm trying to (insert some swear words) beat your freakin' dad so I don't have to pay anything! I'm broke! I spent all my money on this car, my guitar, and all my stuff." Mary says.

"Oh. Can we kick my dad's ass?"

"HELL YEAH!"

_A bit later..._

"Er, Dad, Mary's catching up." Boromir says worridly.

"Well, we'll just cut her off." Denethor says, swerving into Mary's path.

"AHHHH! (Insert about 20 swear words)" Mary screams, blasting the horn and really getting mad now.

"Mary, can you calm down?" Faramir asks.

"You need to get OUT OF TOUCH with your FEMININE SIDE and start acting LIKE A MAN!!!!" Mary screams, flooring the gas and zooming along at 100.

"What?"

"I got that out of a Book. Now DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CRYING or I'll LEAVE YOU ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!" Mary yells, trying to pass Denethor, which she does. (hooray!)

"Where's the damn finish line?"

"Er..."

"Damn it, Dad, Mary passed us."

"So? She can't go 100 forever."

"Can you go 100 forever, Mary?"

"I dunno...let's set this baby to accel at 120 and then we'll be golden." Mary says.

Finally, the Finish Line is is sight.

"Hey, Mary's winning!"

"Phew! I thought I was gonna have to pay for the stuff."

"Well, she's going along at 120, I don't think we have a care in the world."

"She's either a really good fast driver or she's just crazy."

"I think she's just crazy."

"And that explains a lot."

Finally, Mary beats Denethor by a very small margin and Orliey goes to laugh in is face.

"Well, well, Denethor, seems you have to pay. Now, just hand over a mere 2,000,000,000 dollars and we'll be fine." Orliey says.

"WHAT?"

* * *

A/N: Well, this chapter was a bit weird. Maybe we can have car races on the interstate when we get to the beach. I guess we'll go back to Florida. No Evil Disney World this time, but maybe some other weird stuff. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. It was originally suposed to come somewhere else. So next time we'll go to Florida and the beach. And Faramirfinally got told what his problem was: he's to feminine. Actually, I did read thatin a book. So, well....Happy New Year! 


	45. We're going WHERE?

A/N: Hello. I am BACK! Muahahahaha! Anyway, in this chapter we shall start the long journey to the beach! You may think this will be fun, but my dear friend, you are wrong...muahaha!

* * *

_**Chapter 45: Going to The Beach!**_

_In Denethor's room..._

"I can't believe I have to pay." Denethor mutters, packing up his suitcase, walking around in a shirt that says, "Life Guard" and red swimtrunks.

"Be quiet. It's not flattering." Orliey says, wearing one of those beach dress things and sandals.

"Whatever. We are leaving today, right?"

"Uh, right."

"Good, then."

The two walk out and towards the indoor garage thing.

_With Mary and Faramir..._

"I can't find my beach stuff..." Faramir says, looking under Mary's bed.

"Why would it be in my room?"

"I don't know..."

"And you checked your room?"

"Yeah!" Faramir says, standing up. He has lovely black and red swim trunks and a very lovely black and white tye-dyed shirt.

"Well, maybe they're in the car!" Mary offers, managing to close her suitcase, packed with a few t-shirts and shorts and other stuff.

"Maybe it's in the closet!" Faramir says, walking towards Mary's closet.

"NO! Don't THINK about opening that door! Don't-----"

But it is too late. Faramir opens the door and a large avalanche of...stuff...falls out, including 2 amplifiers, a guitar, a Yamaha keyboard, a lot of CDs, a couple DVDs and a baseball bat.

"Ouch..." Faramir says, burried under the junk.

"I told you not to open the door, but noooo, someone had to open the door! Now I have to jam it all back in."

"Well, can't we just organize it?" Faramir asks.

Mary acts like this is a betrayl and sudden death. "Organize it?? Well, maybe when we get back or something."

After Mary grabs the CDs from the pile, they run out to the car.

_With Merry, Pippin, Kay, and Annabell.._

"Sunscreen?"

"Check."

"Snaky, junky food?"

"Check."

"CDs?"

"Check."

"Caffeine loaded drinks?"

"Roger."

"Beach materials, i.e. sunglasses, swimsuit, etc.?"

"Check."

"Good. We're all set to go. Who're we going with?"

"Ah...."

"Whatever. Someone will give us a ride...I hope..."

They walk out to the garage.

_20 minutes later..._

"Are we all here?" Denethor asks.

Kay, Annabel, Tina, Mary, Orliey, Alekey, Breck, hotdogfish, Celeborn, Boromir, Gimli, Faramir, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin look up, smiling and looking all set to go to the beach in their beach wear.

"Ok, since Aragorn and Arwen are not going, Kay, Merry, Annabell, and Pippin will get his Honda. You're all short, you can smush in and fit. Mary and Faramir are getting Mary's car, Breck and Boromir get his car, and anyone left can all just pile into my SUV." Denethor says.

The people rush off to their cars and start the long drive to...

"CALIFORNIA???"

"What? Denethor, what are you talking about?"

"Who booked a hotel in California??"

"Boromir!" someone screams.

"Wow. Just wow."

"Do the others know?"

"We'll just tell them over the car intercom system."

"We have a car intercom system?"

Denethor alerts the other drivers as to the change of plans and soon they are all driving off to California.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for a short chapter. I promise the next few will be a bit longer. 


	46. Getting to the Hotel

A/N: Here we are with part 46. Anyway, we're en route to California. We have a few good events to happen there (muahaha) and I dearly hope California will live. Those seagulls are crazy. I got dive-bombed by one when I was eating a bag of Chee-tos. Evil bird. Anyway, here we go.

* * *

_**Chapter Fourty-Six: En Route to California, part 1: The Hotel**_

_In Denethor's van..._

"WHOOO! California here we come!" Tina screams.

"WAHOOOOO!!" Frodo screams.

"I hope California will live," Denethor mutters. In his car are: Frodo, Tina, Orliey, Alekey, hotdogfish, Celeborn, Gimli, Frodo, and of course, the insane former steward himself, Denethor.

"California will have no idea what hit it!" Frodo screams.

"And with my crazy son and his even crazier girlfriend..." Denethor mutters.

"You mean Boromir, right?" Alekey asks.

"I was thinking more of Faramir. Anyway, California will be worse off than if an earthquake hit it!"

"ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE!!!" Gimli screams.

"NO!!! STOP IT!!!" Denethor yells.

"PUT ON THE CD!!"

"NOOO!"

But...suddenly, Aaron Carter's Another Earthquake! fills the car, sending most of the inhabitants (except Gimli) into a severe attack of the Screams.

"TURN IT OFFFFFFFF!" Denethor says, pressing the EJECT button as the CD goes flying out of the CD drive and hitting Celeborn in the head.

"Owww."

12 minutes later, after hotdogfish has comforted Celeborn from his post-traumatic stress, Denethor calls up the other drivers.

_In Mary's Car..._

Mary is eating a bowl of pre-cooked yet cold Spaghetti-O's, driving with her knees, and staring at the road as she listens to her music. Faramir is highlighting their route and worriyng that Mary will get them both killed. Mary, seemingly unconcerned with the whole ordeal, is just eating her food with a spork.

"Mary, can you drive with your hands?"

"Sure! Here, hold the food." Mary says, shoving the large bowl of Spaghetti-O's into Faramir's hands.

Faramir breaths a sigh of relief as Mary takes the wheel in 2 hands and drives normally. Well, as normally as Mary can drive (Fine until someone cuts her off).

"Ok, so we're going to California. I hear there's crazy seagulls out there that peck out your eyes and steal your cheese sandwitches." Mary says.

"Wow...no wonder Dad wanted to go there. He loves those crazy birds." Faramir says, shiddering involuntarily.

"What?"

"Well, Dad had a pet crow that kind of went crazy one day and ate the food we were eating. Then it died."

"That's sad." Mary says, frowning.

"I know!"

The two sit in silence as they drive onwards towards California.

"Where are we exactly going in California?" Faramir asks.

"Er...I think you dad said Los Angeles, San Francisco, Oakland, San Diego, and Annaheim." Mary says. (I am sorry if I spelled any of those wrong.)

"Ok. So what are we going to do?"

"Good question."

"You don't know?"

"Hey, no one told me! Just hand over those yummy Spaghetti-O's and I'll be fine." Mary says, grabbing the Spaghetti-O's.

"How can you eat those? They're cold!"

"It's just like cold Pizza."

"Well, that's good, but this is just...weird! I mean, the sauce is all chunky and the pasta is cold and...that's weird!"

"So?" Mary asks.

Faramir shrugs and looks ahead at the road. Mary speeds up and looks at the road. An eerie silence fills the car.

"Why is there an eerie silence in the car?" Faramir asks.

_In Denethor's Van..._

"Tiiiiiime is on my side, yes it is!! Tiiiiime is on my side, yes it is!!" Everyone sings.

"Now you always said, that's the way it would be..." Frodo says.

"But you'll come running back, you'll come running back, you'll come running back to me-eee-ee!Time, time, time is on my side, YES IT IS!" Everyone sings.

"Ok, everyone, let's sing another song. Any suggestions?"

"Oooh! Into the West!" Gimli says.

"All right..."

"WHAT can you SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE on the HORIZONNNNNN! Why do the WHIIIIIIIIIIIIITE GULLS CAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL??" Gimli screams.

"Shouldn't we start at the start?" Frodo asks.

"Too late. New song."

"Smells like Teen Spirit!!!"

"NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA!!!!" Frodo screams.

"Er...that's not how it goes."

"Close enough."

"Load up on guns and bring your friends, It's fun to lose and to pretend!" Pippin says.

"Hey, isn't that the hotel we booked for the night?"

"Yeah! Pull in!"

After everyone pulls in, they dump their stuff out of the trunks, they pile it onto a cart thing (You know, those things hotels have that drive everyone crazy) and go into the lobby, Merry, Pippin, and Frodo riding on top of the luggage and laughing.

"Can I help you?" Asks Louis, the desk clerk.

"Yeah. We booked a floor. So can we get the keys?" Denethor asks.

"Name?"

"Denethor."

Louis clicks the mouse and soon the cardkeys to the rooms and they all lug their luggage up the stairs to floor 2.

* * *

A/N: The next chapter will include us running around the hotel scaring people and going swimming and to the exercise room. Also, it will include some people ordering room service and other things that go wrong at hotels. 


	47. At the Hotel

A/N: Ok. Here we are at the Hotel. Of course we are all gonna freak out the other patrons. The "Time is on my Side" song is called (GASP!) "Time is on my Side" by the Rolling Stones. So. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy...

* * *

_**Chapter Fourty-Seven: How to NOT act in a Hotel.**_

_On the 2nd Floor, around 6:30 PM..._

"All right, everyone, we got this whole floor, so I want everyone to get rooms and yeah! Now, obviously, if you are dating, you might as well just get a room to yourself. Now go!" Denethor screams, handing out the card keys.

Mary and Faramir run to room 233 as Breck and Boromir get room 202. Denethor and Orliey claim room 200, as far away from Mary and Faramir as possible. Pippin and Kay get connecting rooms with Annabel and Merry. Celeborn and hotdogfish run into room 215. Alekey and Gimli get room 222, and Tina and Frodo get room 232, which connects with Mary and Faramir's (to plot out evil robe burning strategies...).

After everyone is settled into their rooms and has flipped through the cable chanels at least 20 times only to find there's nothing on, they decide to go...SWIMMING!!

So everyone dons their swim gear and heads down to the lovely large indoor heated pool with sauna and hot tub/whirlpool-y thing in the lovely pool area that smells like chlorine.

"AHHHH!"

"What? Faramir, what is it?"

"There's a ghost in swimtrunks!!! AHHH!"

"Er, Faramir, that's Denethor."

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Man, Denethor, haven't you heard of TANNING LOTION??" Mary screams.

"EEK! Man, put on a shirt or something!" Tina says.

A few moments later...

"LEGOLAS!" Frodo screams.

"PANSYPANTS!!!"

Yeah, it's Middle Earth Marco Polo. Soon, everyone is running around the pool (NOT SAFE!) playing Legolas Pansypants. Then...

"GOTCHA!" Frodo screams, tagging Pippin. Frodo is wearing lovely green trunks, and Pippin has dark blue trunks on.

"Fine, fine fine. LEGOLAS!" Pippin screams.

"PANSYPANTS!"

Eventually, Pippin tags Orliey, in a nice red swimsuit. The game continues. Everyone, now waterlogged, crawls out of the pool and sits on the nice comfy loungechairs. Tina has a green swimsuit on, Kay has a light blue suit on, Faramir has black trunks with flames on the sides, Mary has a black surf outfit with flames on it, Denethor has his red trunks on, Gimli has board shorts and a t-shirt on, Alekey has a suit with flowers on it, hotdogfish has a pink suit on, Celeborn has blue trunks on, and if you weren't mentioned, just imagine!

Merry throws a Sploosh Fish (the kind you soak with water and it goes SPLOOSH!) at Pippin, and soon an all out Sploosh Fish war has broken out. Alekey calls a halt in the fighting to pick teams.

Team 1 is: Mary, Faramir, Alekey, Gimli, Pippin, Kay, Frodo, and Tina

Team 2 is: Boromir, Breck, Denethor, Orliey, Annabel, Merry, hotdogfish, and Celeborn.

"FIRE!!!!!" Pippin screams, as the Sploosh Fish War continues.

Just then, a vacationing family enters the pool room.

"YEAH! Take that, Denethor!" Mary screams, throwing a flaming sploosh fish (I don't think that would work...) at Denethor.

"TAKE THIS!" Denethor screams, throwing it back at Mary.

"FIRE!"

"Uh..." Mom Vacationer says.

"Oh, sorry. Here, you can use the pool. Ok, gang, we're packing up!" Denethor says.

The group walks out, receiving weird looks from the family of vacationers.

_Later, around 8:00..._

"I'm hungry." Pippin says.

"So am I." Mary says, throwing a ball against a wall and catching it again.

"Hmmm..." Denethor says, staring at the ceiling.

"Can we get pizza?" Orliey asks.

"What about Chinese food?" Mary suggests.

"What about room service?" Denethor asks.

"Yeah...that's good." Mary agrees. "We can eat it here."

"Cool."

"Ok, write down what you want and I'll order." Denethor says.

Everyone writes something down on the yellow legal tablet and Denethor runs off to his room to order.

_Twenty Minutes Later..._

"Roomservice!" Says the happy roomservice man, knocking on Mary's door.

"Hey, turn that music down!" Denethor screams from inside. The music goes down 1 point of volume.

"Sorry, " Denethor says, opening the door.

"Your roomservice," the roomservice man says. He wheels a tray into the room, as Denethor hands him a creditcard.

"Thanks." Denethor says, as the transaction is complete.

The roomservice man leaves.

"FOOD!" Pippin and Merry scream. They pounce on the cart.

"Off! Back you devils!" Denethor yells, hitting Merry and Pippin with a bottle of ketchup.

"Ok, can't you just give us the food?" Mary asks.

"Ok. For Mary...Seasame and Orange Chicken with Lo Mein, for Faramir, a Philly Cheese Steak, for the Hobbits, 8 large pizzas, for Alekey and Gimli, a full set of ribs, for Orliey, a burger, and for myself...CHICKEN!" Denethor says.

"AHHHH! NOT CHICKEN!!!" Everyone screams.

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A/N: This chapter was a bit long-ish, so I'll stop here. The next chapter (Which takes a while because school/other things and because I like long chapters) will have us on the road again. 


	48. I finally updatedDenethor's Phobia

A/N: Hello. I am back, so... now we shall leave the hotel and go on the road again to another hotel. I suppose. This time, we shall have rented the WHOLE HOTEL (which is possible, although it would cost a fortune...maybe Denethor's a multi-billionaire.) Anyway, enjoy.

_**

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_**Chapter Forty-Eight: Denethor's Phobia**_

_Around 4:30 AM, in the halls..._

"All right. Now, you two go that-a-way, and you two watch our backs, and we'll sneak in there." Mary says, indicating Orliey and Annabel to go that-a-way, Frodo and Kay to cover their backs, and Mary, Tina, and Pippin to sneak in the room (Which is hard, because it's locked, but let's pretend that someone grabbed an all-access key).

Mary, Tina, and Pippin open the door marked 200 (Aka Denethor's room...) and Orliey and Annabel head down the stairs. Frodo and Kay start marching around the hall like sentries, and Mary grabs a large black backpack and closes the door.

"Now, you take this..." She says, handing Tina a can of shaving cream, "and you get this..." She hands Pippin a large can of hairspray.

"Everyone knows the plan, right?" Tina asks.

_5 hours later..._

Mary is back in her room, as is everyone who was marching about at 4:30. Suddenly…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What the holy cracker?" Faramir screams, sitting up.

"Oooow! MY EAR!" Mary yells, falling out of bed and smacking into the wall.

"WHA?" Frodo says, waking up from the loud ker-thunk on the wall.

"Hmmm?" Tina says, getting up as well.

Eventually, the whole hall is up.

"Who the hell screamed like a woman at this time of the day?" Boromir growls menacingly.

"Uh...not me." Merry says.

"Merry, are you feeling ok?" Annabel asks.

"No."

"Ok then."

"Hey, doesn't anyone notice the only one not here is Denethor?" Faramir asks.

"Nice, Faramir, try to think up something less obvious next time." Boromir says sarcastically.

"Yeah? Well at least I made a brilliant observation!" Faramir says.

"Yeah, that's right." Mary says.

"No you didn't." Boromir argues.

"Yes he did!" Mary says.

"Did not, Mary."

"Did so, Boro-freak."

"What did you just call me?"

"Boro-freak, Boro-freak." Mary says.

"My name's Boromir."

"No, it's Boro-freak." Mary says.

"It-"

"AH! Talk to the hand!"

Boromir rolls his eyes and scoffs haughtily.

"Well, shouldn't we check on Denethor or something?" Pippin suggests.

"Yes, perhaps we should." Elrond says, trying to sound educated.

"Wait, how'd you get here?"

"YEAH!"

Lo and Behold, Elrond was not in the last chapter!

"I, uh, just decided I needed a little vacation, so here I am!"

"Well, let's check on his Steward-ly-ness." Merry says.

They push open the door to Denethor's room.

"What the—"

There sits Denethor, sobbing into his hands, his hair spiked straight up with the hairspray, hair gel, and shaving cream.

"What the heck happened?" Elrond asks.

"He's….he's gonna…eat…me…" Denethor whispers.

"Who?"

"B-B—Barney."

Everyone gives Denethor an odd look.

"Barney is gonna eat you?" Pippin asks, trying not to laugh.

"Yes! Barney is coming to get me! Waaaaa!" Denethor wails.

"Whoa…that's a bit…er…" Mary says, trying not to laugh.

"Dad, I never knew." Faramir says, snorting with laughter.

"Uh…I didn't know that barney liked to eat people. You know, he was always so 'I love You-ish' and it scared me." Orliey says.

"Barney is gonna eat me! NOOOO! YOU CAN'T EAT ME, YOU PURPLE DINOSAURIC FREAK!" Denethor screams.

* * *

A/N: Well, I hoped you liked this chapter. It took me long enough to type. Happy Birthday Kay, we shall celebrate in the next chapter! 


	49. I can't stand being on the road again

A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry about the wait on chapters, but between school and me being sick every other week (now it's the flu…) it's taking me a while. But I try. Anyway, here you all go, enjoy.

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_**Chapter Forty-Nine: On the Road Again, I Can't Stand Being on the Road Again…**_

_5 hours later after the Barney Incident…_

About 5 hours later, after everyone was done laughing at Denethor who has acute Barney-phobia, they actually decided to HIT THE ROAD (it only took that long).

"On the Road again, how I hate being on the road again! Cramped in a car with my crazy soon-to-be father-in-law ain't fun at all!" Mary sings, very badly, loudly, and off-key.

"MARY! Shut up!" Denethor growls.

"Well, nyah!" Mary says. "On the Road again…la la la stupid people in a car with me..."

"GOD! SHUT UP!" Boromir screams.

"Whatever you say, Boro-freak."

"ARGH!"

About 2 hours pass of Mary saying really stupid things and annoying her future in-laws.

"Did you know," Mary says, taking a bite out of an apple, "that Nepal is a really small country? And that Rhode Island is really interesting? Like, it's so small!"

"Can't you shut her up, Faramir?" Denethor wails.

"NO HE CAN'T!" Mary screams, throwing the apple core (I eat apples fast) at Denethor's head.

"OW!"

"MARY!" Orliey reprimands.

"Sorry…"

"Now, let's all play a game! How about…I spy?" Boromir offers innocently.

"All right! I'll start!" Denethor says. "I spy with my little eye something that is…green!"

"Wow, think up something less obvious. How about that GRASS?" Boromir says.

"Ok, Boromir, you go."

"I spy with my little eye something that is…blue."

"Ok, that was easy. The Sky." Mary says.

"Ok, go Mary."

"I spy with my little eye something that is purple."

"Hmmm…that's a good one. I dunno. What do you think, Orliey?" Denethor says.

"Hmm…I dunno."

About 3 minutes pass and no one can guess.

"Do you give up?" Mary says, acting sugar-high (apples do that to me.) and bouncing around in her seat.

"Yeah, what is it?" Denethor asks.

"BARNEY!" Mary screams.

"AHHHH! WHERE? MOMMY!" Denethor screams like a little girl. The SUV veers dangerously near to the side of the road, and the driver behind Denethor honks his horn and gives him the finger.

Mary laughs in the back seat, dangerously close to having her fruit punch squirt out of her nose.

"It's ok, honey, you'll be fine." Orliey says.

"Barney…he's stalking me." Denethor whispers.

"That was funny, Mary." Faramir says, smiling.

"I know!" Mary says, laughing crazily.

"MARY! That was _not_ funny! We could have veered off the road!" Boromir screams.

"Yeah, yeah, chill out before you wet yourself." Mary says, pulling out another apple and eating it.

"Man, you eat apples like my dad eats tomatoes!" Faramir says.

"I'm an APPLE ADDICT!" Mary screams. "Muahahaha!"

"Uh…does she scare you?" Boromir asks.

About 5 hours later… 

The cars all pull into the Comfort Inn parking lot. Everyone gets out and runs around the parking lot to let off some pent-up energy.

"RAAAA! I'm a CRAZY DINOSAUR! Raaaaaaa!" Pippin says, running around and jumping off cars.

"Ok, that's a wee bit scary…" Merry says.

"RAAAA! Fear me!" Pippin screams. He then crashes into a large car and falls down, twitching convulsively.

"Uh…" Kay says.

"Maybe we should all go inside?" Elrond asks.

"Best idea you've had all week, El!" Mary says, patting Elrond on the shoulder and staggering onwards.

"Is she drunk?" Elrond asks, staring after Mary, who is humming something and walking towards the door, looking drunk.

"HAHA! No I'm not!" Mary says, crashing into a door and falling.

"Why is everyone running into things?" Denethor asks.

"MARY! Oh my God! Are you ok? You always do things like this…" Faramir says, running towards Mary. "Did you have sugar?"

"NO! I did not have sugar!" Mary says, giggling uncontrollably.

"Come on, Mary, I think you need to come down from your sugar high…" Faramir says.

"NO! I don't wanna!" Mary whines.

"MARY! LISTEN TO ME! YES! YOU HAVE TO!" Faramir screams.

"Fine, fine, stop yelling!" Mary says. She gets up and leans on Faramir for support.

Denethor laughs and Mary shoots him an unpleasant look.

* * *

A/N: The next chapter will be the Special Nine Month Anniversary And 50th Chapter Mark SPECIAL EDITION! Oooh. Isn't it amazing? So it's not, whatever. Thanks to Orliey for the idea. Hooray. Anyway, see you at the next chapter, which may or may not be up tomorrow. 


	50. The Very Special Chapter

A/N: Hey, I'm back! Yay! I have Flu…icky icky flu. Not fun. Anyway, here it is: The Special 50th Chapter Mark and Nine Month Anniversary Chapter! Also, I'm thinking of breaking up the story, so the next chapter will be the first one of a story under a similar title, that way you don't have a 150-chapter story. So, yes, this is last chapter of Part I, stick around for Part II!

**_

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_**

**_Chapter Fifty: The Very Special Chapter_**

"Hello, sir, can I help you?" Asks the desk clerk, whom we'll call Jim.

"Uh, yes, I think I rented out the hotel…" Denethor says.

"Uh...name please?" Jim asks.

"Denethor."

"How do you spell that?"

"There's a D, and then an E, and then a N, and another E, a T, a H, an O, and a R." Denethor says.

"Ok, sir. Here you go. These are the keys and this is the acess pass to the pool and workout room. Continental breakfast starts at 6:00 and ends at 9:00. The pool is open from 7:00 until 11:30, and the workout room is open from 9:00 until 12:00." Jim says.

"Can you repeat that bit about the pool?" Mary screams, trying to run over to the desk, but Faramir grabs her and drags her over to a chair. He sits her down as she screams.

"MARY!" Faramir hisses, covering her mouth.

"Sorry about her." Denethor says.

Jim gives Mary an odd look. "It's all in your room."

"ARRR!" Pippin says, jumping off a coffee table onto the couch (that hotels have in the lobby).

"Uh…" Jim says.

"RIGHT! Everyone get your things!" Denethor yells, as they all run out.

_In the Parking Lot…_

"Mary, do you have a problem or something?" Faramir asks Mary, looking into her eyes.

"No…" Mary sniffs. "Why?"

"Mary…you're worrying me. I think that maybe you need to, uh, stop eating apples." Faramir says calmly.

"NOOO! MY APPLES!" Mary screams, running over to her cooler full of apples.

"Mary, please." Faramir says.

"Fine. I'll cut back to 2 a day." Mary says.

"All right, fine."

They get their luggage and walk into the lobby. Jim gives Mary and odd look.

"Sorry..." Mary says.

The two walk to their room.

_About 4 hours later, after everyone is all settled in and on about 3 different floors…_

"All right. Seeing as this day is special, don't ask why, I think we need to go out somewhere nice for it. To celebrate. So, I made reservations at this supposedly nice, high class burger joint, so we're all going out there to eat." Denethor says. Everyone is gathered in his room.

"Sure, except…a nice, high class burger joint? Is there such a thing?" Alekey asks.

"Sure, why not?"

"Denethor, come on. A burger joint." Gimli says.

"Well, supposedly—"

"Supposedly? So it could be a little shack?" Boromir asks.

"Well, uh, I guess…"

"That sounds great." Mary says sarcastically.

"See? I have one of you guy's support."

"Denethor, that was sarcasm." Mary says.

"Oh."

But they all decide to go to the burger place anyway.

_30 minutes later, at MacChimpy's Burger Jungle…_

"MacChimpy's Burger Jungle? What, do they serve, like, elephant burgers?" Mary asks, looking at the sign..

"Welcome to MacChimpy's!" Says a man in a monkey outfit.

"Yeah, thrilled to be here." Mary responds.

"Maybe we should all sit down." Denethor says.

The group goes to sit down.

"Hello, can I get you something to eat?" asks the waiter.

"NO! I'm looking at the menu!" Frodo screams.

"Ok, I'll come back later…"

Everyone sits around, arguing about seating arrangements in cars.

"Ok, this is how it's gonna be from now on! Mary and Faramir get Mary's car. Boromir, Breck, Frodo, Tina, Alekey, Gimli, hotdogfish, Celeborn, Orliey and I get my car. Pippin, Kay, Annabel, Merry, you all get to pile into Aragorn's car, because we stole it." Denethor says.

"Really? What about Elrond?"

"He can smoosh in with Mary and Faramir."

"WHAT? No freakin' way!" Mary says.

"Too bad, princess." Denethor says. "You can't always get what you want."

"Now can I take your order?" asks the waiter.

"Sure." Frodo says. "I'll have a large cheese pizza, please."

"I'll have the Italian beef." Tina says.

"Two orders of Mozzarella sticks, please." Gimli says.

"I'll have a BBQ Chicken sandwich." Faramir says.

"Philly Cheese steak, please." Mary says.

"I'll have half a roasted chicken." Denethor says. "With a side of tomatoes."

Everyone shudders.

"We'll split a extra large cheese pizza." Merry says.

"Uh..."

"And I'll have a Patty Melt." Orliey says. (I don't know what that is.)

"Ok, I'll be right back."

The waiter walks away.

"Why is it we came to a burger shack and didn't get a burger?"

"HEY! I didn't order!" Elrond says.

"Yeah, us either!" Say Celeborn and hotdogfish.

"WAITER!" Frodo screams.

"YEAH?" Asks the waiter.

"We need 3 burgers, please." Elrond says.

"Check."

They wait around for 30 minutes, playing Tig and hangman.

"Hey! You cheated! You never tig on a tog!" Frodo exclaims.

"I did nothing of the sort!" Denethor says.

"Sure. That's why you said 'TIG!' when Pippin said 'Tog.'" Frodo says.

"You're disqualified." Merry says.

Mary, Faramir, Orliey, and Tina look on amusedly as Denethor sulks.

"Don't sulk." Orliey says, slapping Denethor.

"Ow!"

The food comes and everyone eats hungrily.

"Man, this is the best chicken ever!" Denethor says.

"That looks like chimpanzee meat…" Mary says. Denethor coughs and spits out the food.

"EEW! He just…eew!" Merry says, nearly puking.

About 10 minutes later, everyone is done and the waiter comes back.

"Can I interest you in desert? Peach cobbler, ice cream sundae, Apple Pie A La Mode?" he asks.

"Did you say…apple pie?" Mary asks, looking up.

"Yeah…"

"Ooh! I'll have some!" Mary says.

"Ok. Anyone else?"

"Make that Apple Pie A La Mode all around." Denethor says.

"Mary…" Faramir warns. "You better not go loopy."

"Loopy? I don't go loopy!" Mary says.

"Mary," Faramir says.

"Ok, ok, I go loopy."

The waiter comes back with their pie and everyone scarfs that down in about 5 minutes.

"Mmm, that was tasty!" Denethor sighs.

"Check, please!" Tina says.

The waiter arrives with their check. Denethor stares at the price and nearly dies of shock.

"WHAT?" Denethor asks.

"Hey, you said it was high class." Mary says.

"Yeah, but…still!"

"Oh, charge it or something."

So Denethor pays and everyone walks back to their cars.

"Ok, everyone know what car they're going in?" Denethor asks.

"Yeah, sure."

"Good because I can't stand driving with Mary any more." Denethor mutters.

"Yeah? Well you're not fun in a car either. Mr. Scared-of-everything nearly got us killed…again." Mary says.

"Look, don't fight."

"Fine." Mary says.

They all get into their cars and drive away to the hotel.

"Man, I can't wait to hit the pool! This'll be so cool!" Alekey says.

"Yeah…as long as Denethor doesn't show up again." Tina says.

"Hardy har har."

A while later… 

"Man, I'm too tired to even go to the pool." Frodo says, collapsing on his bed.

"Me too."

"Who's ready to HIT THE POOL?" Alekey asks.

"Ugh." Tina says.

"Oh, come on, don't be party poopers."

"Actually, why don't you and Gimli go have some togetherness time?" Frodo suggests.

"Good idea! Come on!"

Alekey and Gimli run down to the pool.

"Ok. This is the pool?"

"How do you swim? It's as big as a thimble!" Gimli says.

"Smaller!"

"COWABUNGA!" Someone screams, cannonballing into the pool.

"AHHH!" Alekey and Gimli scream.

"Ahh! What a nice pool!" Elrond says.

"ELROND! OUT! OUT!" Alekey screams.

"Why? It's a public pool, isn't it?"

"ELROND! Me and Gimli booked the pool tonight!"

"You had to book the pool?" Elrond asks.

"Yeah! So out! NOW!"

"Well, fine, you meanie pants."

"Meanie pants? Was that supposed to be an insult?"

"Yeah!" Elrond says, pulling on his shirt ("Hot Stuff") and walking out.

Alekey and Gimli then sit outside the pool, laughing at their joke.

Meanwhile, with the hobbits and their dates… 

"There's nothing good on." Tina says.

"Yeah. I mean, the closest thing to good entertainment there is would be 'Cooking with Emerald' and who wants to watch that?" Pippin says.

"Yeah, I know." Kay says.

"Look! Rugby!" Merry screams.

"WHOO!" Everyone watches rugby for about 3 hours.

_With Mary and Faramir..._

"Oooh! There's a mini-fridge!" Mary says, opening the mini-fridge.

"Don't you have to pay to use those things?" Faramir asks, watching some cooking program on Food Network and laying down on the bed.

"Not if I'm around." Mary says, prying off the thing that stops the stuff from coming out unless you pay (no, I have never robbed a mini-fridge, but I wish I could).

"MARY! That's like SHOPLIFTING!" Faramir says.

"No it's not!"

"MARY! You are going to be taken to jail one day."

"Not if I can help it." Mary says. "Are you watching 'Cooking with Emerald'?"

"Yeah." Faramir says.

"Oh." Mary says, sitting next to Faramir. "Twix bar?" (You can get those out of mini-fridges)

"Sure." Faramir says.

"Ok." Mary says, handing Faramir a Twix.

Soon, everyone is either asleep or watching some kind of TV show. Gimli and Alekey have been locked in the pool room because they didn't pay attention to the time.

Tomorrow, they begin the drive to Chicago.

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A/N: Ok, that was it. Now, in the next chapter, which will be in the next story, we'll arrive in Chicago. I hope you liked the last chapter of this part of the story, and look for part 2 soon! As always, reviews are appreciated. 


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